My 3yr old only wants me all the time - is this usual?

[Munchkinsugarpie]

Hi there - I'm curious - ds is 3.6 yrs old and has always been partial to his mummy, but now - it's really getting suffocating. We moved in to my parents 2 months ago to have loads of building work done - round about the same time as he stopped pre-school for the summer. For the whole time he has become utterly protective, and almost infatuated with me, shouting at anyone else who comes near him. He kisses me all up my arms (!), face and won't let go. I can't get out of the house for a minute, let alone go to the loo!

I'm sure it's probably just a stage, but I feel utterly exhausted. He just doesn't want anyone else, even his dad, which of course, is upsetting. I'm so aware that when he grows up he probably won't want to be in the same room as me, let alone be as affectionate as he is now, so I'm trying to make the most of it. And frankly, it is so endearing and warm, it's just that I could scream because I can't breathe or get any privacy.

Has anyone else experienced this and if so, any tips on what I should do?

It sounds to me as if he is unsettled by the things that are going on, so is focussing on you for reassurance. How is he with his dad if you're not around?

yes, I remember this stage munchkinsugarpie. I remember thinking "why do you need me so much?" and feeling suffocated too. It will pass though - ds, whilst still affectionate, doesn't want as many hugs and kisses etc now he's nearly 5 and it does make me sad sometimes. I don't know what to suggest except enjoy it (as far as that's possible) while it's there...

It used to drive me mad that ds didn't want me to go to the loo and would bang on the door til I was out, but I just explained that I wouldn't be long, that he had to wait for me and it was just too bad if he didn't like it (sorry if that's too much information anyone!) He doesn't do it anymore and accepts that sometimes I have to get on with something and can't give him my time.

Could you try going out sometime (at the weekend maybe) and letting DH spend some time with him (giving ds his full attention) just so he sees that someone else can be good fun and loving etc towards him? I know it's wearing. Hope someone else has more helpful suggestions.

I've tried to go places without him and even to the loo, but because we're at my parents and they're in their 70's, I feel uncomfortable leaving them with 'the aftermath'. i.e., much crying, shouting and screaming if anyone as much as looks at him. It's quite impossible. We were at Ikea today trying to look at beds... I say trying because he wanted a drink, then the toilet, then the toys, and then I had to watch him on the toys etc. etc......

I AM going out all day on Saturday for a meeting and leaving him with my parents (ugh) then dh will get home from work asap to relieve them. Fingers x'd - I'll see what happens and let u know.

munchkins, I have one of those too! She's a little bit younger than yours (2.9) but can be utterly overwhelming at times. I can't leave the room without her calling 'mummy mummy where are you going', she also MUST come to the loo/have a shower with me. She constantly climbs all over me saying 'mummy I love you you are the best mummy in the world' - how can you get cross with that? But sometimes it drives me mad when I just want to sit and drink a cup of tea in peace. I cope by packing her off to nursery 2 mornings a week when I can have some lovely me time. Also dp has to realise that when he comes home he MUST look after her for half an hour, even if she screams and cries for me. It keeps me sane (just!)

We are about to have number 2 so that's going to be fun...

Ah, the Velcro Child Sydrome! All of mine have been velcro children to some extent but the youngest has been the worst. It's exactly as you describe, Munchkin and Enid, no peace in the loo loo etc. It does get better although my youngest is 6 and she is still velcro-ish. Although she doesn't have to physically be with me now she always has to know where I am.

The thing I've noticed here in Indonesia is that being with someone is the norm, for children and adults. Indonesians hate being alone, and try to have company even if on a brief errand or similar. They strike up conversations with anyone and congregate in little groups everywhere. Unlike in the West, they have no sense of personal space and find it odd that we would want to be on our own. It's interesting how different cultures have evolved, I think.

Dd will be 3 in October, and has been exactly the same since birth. I hear other mums saying their children are clingy, but then I see them getting on playing on their own - dd never does. She's a real mums girl, and Daddy doesn't get a look in.

She is fine with Daddy when I'm not around however, so I just have to make sure that they get time alone as often as I can - hard to fit in Dad time and family time in such a short weekend!

She is also fine when at nursery two days a week, and does not mind being left there, she never has. It's just that when she is in my company, she has to be either on me, next to me touching me etc.

I have resigned myself to the fact that she will have to grow out of it sometime!

Just to report in! I've been in Birmingham all day today. I left home at 8.15 am this morning and dh left for work at the same time. Ds was utterly bewildered and I think it shocked him into silence. His (v. tired having got up especially) grandma stood at the front door with him while he just waved pathetically at me as I drove away his little mouth open and gaping. Ugh!

Phoned twice during the day and spoke to him and he was fine - telling me he'd been to the park etc. etc.. I didn't get home until 8.30pm ish and by that time, dh was home and looking after him.

When I got in, I opened the door and heard him literally squeal at the top of his voice, mummy, mummy... (he should have been in bed by that time!!) He came running downstairs in his pyjamas with his face absolutely full of gleeful happiness. I can't remember a time that anybody, or anything has greeted me with such utter enthusiasm and delight. He knocked me down and covered me in kisses - no- he's not a dog!- and said mmm,, mummy, big hug big cuddle, mummy mummy!

I couldn't stop crying ! I felt dreadfully guilty that I'd thoroughly enjoyed my day without him even though it had been business. Gosh, it's all so bittersweet isn't it? I LOVE the velcro-child syndrome saying - it describes it perfectly.... I'll just have to grin and bear it till he goes back to nursery in a couple of weeks!

Munchkinsugarpie, Don't Feel Guilty!!! You had a nice day, ds had a nice day, he loves you, you love him, granny got some quality time with him and will sleep like a log tonight: sounds great! Glad it went (sort of) OK

I tried doing a search on 'playing alone' but this was about as near as I could find to it. Just wondered when children start to play on their own. I thought it was about age 3 and my ds (3.5) does sometimes play on his own although it tends to be more physical kind of things - jumping on the sofa, running around kind of stuff. Most things I have to do it with him such as getting his cars out, sticklebricks etc otherwise they just sit there untouched. Also he never looks at a book unless I am sitting with him. Am I expecting too much too soon? I just find it hard to always spend time playing with him particularly as we have a baby now too. He goes to playgroup 3 times a week and also a mums and toddlers and is fine then on his own. Is he just bored at home?

He also follows me from room to room and has been doing this since about 18 months but reading through this thread I may have another year or so of this!!