Advice on children’s clubs / potential aSD diagnosis

[Lushmetender]

My DD is 7 and was referred by school to occupational therapy last year as she had an episode at school where she got really upset and it took ages for her to calm down. She had issues with some clubs but her behaviour has settled down as she seems to develop coping mechanisms. In fact all has been calm for about a year. Her OT assessment came back a little wishy washy but didn’t suggest she may be on the autistic spectrum but we need to investigate that further.

Recently we enrolled all our children in a drama club and it was my dd first real session. We haven’t told the club re my child’s investigations as nothing is conclusive as yet.

My dd however had a couple of meltdowns in this new club as it sounds like they were trying to discipline her and take a soft toy off her. In fact they basically said it was the worse behaviour they’d seen in 5 years and if there was no improvement next week she would be excluded. Obviously we are a bit livid as we think they’re setting her up to fail and sounds like they’ve made up their mind. They basically talked at us without any real discussion and they’ve made no attempt to get to know her.

So can I ask advice on this if anyone has experienced something similar. Obviously our dd must have found the transition to this new club hard but she is normally a child who is really funny, sweet and calm. In fact her new teacher is very surprised she was referred to OT but her current school teacher is very clear and specific with her and knows there is no point in shouting. So should we:

(A) explain to the club the referral that she may be on the spectrum and how we communicate with her ie eye contact, clear simple instruction with a friendly demeanour or
(B) forget her participation in the club completely and let them get on with it while we pursue exactly what will help her in clubs in the future?

Her teacher suggested sending her for drama as she is really funny and has successfully taken part in plays at school clubs etc so we’re really surprised when people say she goes out of control. Another point of note she was hungry and because she wouldn’t eat an apple they would not let her buy sweets and she has a high metabolism.

In the open day they said they had some pupils with special needs. One of the principals is a former mental health nurse. The principals were not there that day and so it was a young girl who gave the principals the feedback of my dd.

I'd say that if you want to keep her in the club you need to give them all the info - by just sending her in and letting them think she's completely NT, you're setting her up to fail as their expectations will be far too high. I don't think you can fault them for their reactions during the first session - if you haven't told them she needs special treatment then of course it just appears that she's disruptive and badly behaved.

If you want her to succeed there, you need to let them know what she needs, or she'll be treated like every other child and held to those standards, and that won't work.

How does your DD feel about going back to the club?

She wasn’t best pleased they took her soft toy off her but said she’ll try it for a couple of weeks as she said she feels more confident now

If she's willing to go back (and actually wants to rather than feeling that she should), I'd contact them first, tell them what's going on and how you feel about the first session.

If she were mine though, I think I'd be looking for a different drama group.

I also think that it was a mistake just putting her in the club without discussing strategies you use etc with them first. All they saw was difficult to manage behaviour with no strategies to fall back on. Also, we're you not in the building so you could be called to come and calm her?
I'd give this drama club another chance because honestly they've started on the back foot here. Sit down with them, discuss your dd and what works for her, then stay close to the class so that they can call you in to deal with her. Also, agree with them a suitable snack that she can take in with her so she doesn't get hungry.
I think for dd to have her best shot at this you're going to need to offer more support at first.

My daughter has ASD but us funny, sociable, imaginative. She appears to enjoy activities but her behaviour will deteriorate and it is actually a sign that she is stressed out, over stimulated and not coping. Does your daughter want to do these activities or is she trying to make you happy by going along with them?

If she really wants to do them then be honest with the providers. I used to stay close by and ask to be called if there was a problem.

Thanks all. This caught us by surprise as we’ve not had any issues for ages. The transition to new surroundings and people obviously hit her hard and she didn’t know how to react when they took her soft toy off her (she is quite sensory). We dropped our other kids there mid way through as they’d been at a casting day so I’m surprised they didn’t mention to us then she was struggling as the young girl who met us then was the one who complained about her at the end.

Wrote them an email. We’re just concerned as they keep saying maybe it’s not for her still after one session. She’s is in an after school drama club and has been in many shows, loves making her friends laugh and loves dancing as if no one is watching so I though it would be ideal for her. Wish me luck for tomorrow!