When to give in to toddler?

[MontanaSwing]

I open the cupboard to feed the cat this morning and my 22 month old sees his fold up tunnel and starts shouting for it. I say no as it’s too big and we’re going out soon. So he starts screaming and stamping his feet. I then think, “we’ll we can tidy up and we’re not going out for an hour”. So I give him it.

I’ll be making tea and he’s in front of me asking me to pick him up, crying and getting really upset. I tell him I’m making tea so can’t but he still is upset, so I pick him up.

I’ll be sat on the sofa and he’ll grab my hand and tell me to walk. I say no that I am relaxing for a while. He goes crazy and starts pulling me so I give in and go a walk with him to say his toy box.

I don’t know when to give him what he wants and when to stand my ground. I don’t want him to turn into a spoiled brat but then I can just give him his tunnel, I can pick him up whilst cooking, I can go a walk with him.

I don’t know where to draw the line.

Why don't you consider his request first and if it's reasonable do it before it gets to the stampy, bad tempered place. Once you've said no you really do have to stick to it or you're teaching him bad behaviour gets him what he wants.

Yes, if possible give it a bit of thought first (not easy, I know, with a screaming toddler), so then you don’t have to change your mind if you think it is actually ok for him to have, say, the tunnel.

The tunnel example is almost identical to one Penelope Leach gives in her book, and she says that even if you think ‘oh actually, it’s not too much trouble after all’, you still have to stick to your guns. Otherwise, as @Discoballs says, you’re just teaching him that screaming gets his way.

The wanting to be picked up thing is trickier, cos he wants some comfort, but you’ve got to get dinner. I find this drives me mad. In that instance, I’d give him a quick cuddle so he gets his ‘fix’, and then set him playing with pots and pans or water at the sink, in the hope of distracting him.