Biting!

[caroline2710]

Can anyone help? My 2yo ds is horrible. He bites, pinches, hits and pushes other children round. I have tried everthing I can think of to stop him, telling him it hurts, time out. I have had to resort to strapping him in the pushchair everytime there is an incident because I just don't know what else to try.
I always apologise to the other parent involved as a I feel this is very important.
I think this may have started as a result of the behaviour of a friends child. My DS has been bitten, hit, pushed and anything else you can think of by this child. He was even pushed down the stairs by this child. Fortunately we don't have much contact with this child anymore as he is starting nursery soon. The other complication is that the friend is one of my closest friends.
I have three 3DDs and have never had this problem before. I really don't know what else to do.
I love my DS very much and I feel like such a failure. I have reached a point when I can't face taking him out to the toddler groups we go to.
If anyone can help I will be so grateful.
Thank You.

I have read and been told that with boys, there are intermittent times when they have surges of testosterone. This will affect levels of aggression in terms of their behaviour.
I don't know how you actively "stop" the behaviour but I wonder if using distraction might be a way of calming him down a bit? I worry that forcing him into his chair is telling him that one form of aggression is going to be met with another - and so reinforces it, maybe?
My DS is a lot smaller but has times when he pinches and bites me. I tell him firmly "no biting" or "no pinching" and put him down / put him in his cot for 5 mins while I get one with something else. He yells, calms down and I return to get on with something else. God knows if this works in the long term...
But good luck anyway, it sounds like a challenging time.

sorry I meant to say, I return to get on with something else with him, after he's calmed (I don't leave him there!)

perhaps try rewarding him with stickers when he plays nicely and doesnt bite make a real fuss showing him how pleased you are,

Sadly both my boys have been biters. I have very vivid memories of ds1 (who is/was apart from the biting a model child) biting a little girl at a play area so hard on the cheek she had a complete set of teeth marks and blood pouring down her face. He shook her face like a rabid dog would. 5 years later it still haunts me. In that moment I understood how it was possible to love and yet at the same time dislike a human intensly.

If it's any consolation they do grow out of it. I found with both of them that is was always worse when they were tired so I used to pull them out of situations or not go if they were. It's also true that when they learn to communicate better it stops, so perhaps there is something in the frustration to communicate theory. I guess my suggestion would be to watch him to see if there are any triggers and if possible and it's not always when you have other children pull him out of situations when you anticipate there may be a problem, as I say for me it was getting over tired. Tbh I never found a punishment that worked and I tried them all. Obviously as you are doing you need to let him know that it's not acceptable but don't expect him to understand enough to stop it. As hard as it is, it does run it's course and they do stop it. ds2 has just turned 3 and no longer bites.

hth and I'm sure there will be many more posters with advice.

I've recently had trouble with biting and I've just remembered that I found a bitemark on his back after nursery one day some time ago. Iguess he is copying someone else's behaviour

I do sympathise. My eldest DS is now 4 and off to school next week but I have had many times I have left toddler groups in tears at his aggressive behaviour. He still has his moments and I have to watch him still as he does have a temper but I think the best thing is to be consistent. It's hard when they are 2 but I used to take him straight out (of toddlers) time him out (2 mins) and say firmly that we do not bite/hit/kick. I did it again and again. I also used to avoid situations where he would get cross with certain kids etc and try to stick to familiar friends who knew how I felt when he did something so I didn't have to die of embarrassment every time.

One positive bit of advice a dear friend gave me though was not to label him as a thug (which one parent once jokingly called him .. I really cried then!) as then you will always expect that behaviour. So I try to praise the good (massively) and firmly discipline the bad. but be careful not to follow him around at toddlers expecting him to thump the next available child, just stay close to him, steer him clear of any volatile situation with some good distraction techniques and encourage his good behaviour.

It is hard - I have 2 boys now who have a lot of testosterone and I have to run them around .. I'll probably be in the Head teachers office next week, when he starts school, with his first play ground scrap. I'm going to sign him up for every sport he can play to burn off his energy!!

See the good in him, and I know it's not much help right now but it will pass ..