Handhold please

[BoyoMama11]

Has DS 2.5 review today and during the session nothing was said aside from his speech delay. Got a voice message saying that the HV wants to see him at nursery. I called back to find out why, she said she was concerned about him not 'playing with purpose' and humming and she thinks he might be autistic. I called nursery and they said he hand flaps but other than that no concerns.

He does play with purpose at home, he feeds his teddies and loves playing with his cars, he points, says mama, brings me things, loves other children and laughs with me. Should I be concerned or should I put it down to an overzealous HV?

It sounds as if your DS is probably fine, but it's definitely a good idea to let the HV follow up on this. If she has no further concerns after seeing him at nursery then no harm done, and if there is anything to worry about then it's much better for you to find out early so you can support him.

I wouldn't be too worried about this, but like pp said, just let the HV come to their own conclusion. They are trained to be extremely vigilant for things like this, and it normally turns out to be nothing, but always better to be safe and let them check it out.

Thank you, I'm just shocked at her not mentioning it to me when she was at my home

I think HVs (and preschools, often) can be very reluctant to mention any concerns of this nature as many parents are often very defensive (not saying that you are though, just in general) especially because this could be the first time they are hearing the suggestion that their child could be on the spectrum. I know that I was shocked when DS' preschool started asking for meetings with me and gently asking questions about pretend play, etc. It took until we'd had an assessment and were waiting for another before his SENCO this year (he's 4, in reception) actually used the term ASC!! I'd been mentioning it for ages by that point! The thing is, my DS has always fed teddies and played doctor with them etc. He's always wanted cuddles from relatives and known his name at home (but didn't respond at preschool). He is also more obviously on the spectrum when he's over- or under-loaded from a sensory perspective (e.g. he spins to feel more sensory input but is very upset by handdryers and haircuts) but he hums a lot and is ruthlessly logical (idioms, forget it, just cause confusion and upset - e.g. something being a piece of cake but then no cake being offered!) What I'm saying is that not every autistic person has no imagination, not every autistic child struggles with imaginative play (although DS' tends to be repetitively structured around what has been bothering him that day), and yes many autistic adults can have fulfilling and successful lives (see the hashtag actually autistic if you're on twitter). It's worrying, I know, I still worry about him all the time. Now he's vocal he tells me more about what bothers him and it is literally anything that is slightly different ever - we had a whole week of talking constantly about the roadworks around the corner!! It's such an emotive subject, the HV probably just didn't really know what to say, and by observing him at nursery if there are any other issues then you have evidence to refer for an assessment. We are still trying to get a diagnosis, not to label DS, but to ensure that his school can continue to provide appropriate support going forward. Essentially, ASC children can often be labelled as difficult or naughty, when the reality is that they are struggling massively with changes in routines and sensory overloads.