Need behaviour help with 4 yr old son!

[UpTheWoodenHill123]

Son doesn’t listen and has no fear of danger or consequence, so won’t stop doing what he is doing even if it is about to hurt him or someone else.

If I ask why he does things if he bothers to answer his answer is always “I want to”. He also holds no remorse for hurting others. He lacks empathy they say at school.

The concept of mom/dad/teacher bring in charge hasn’t sunk in and he thinks he can do whatever he wants when he wants even though I tell him otherwise.

Parenting techniques welcomed! Read below what we have tried already;-

We have tried taking toys away and he has ended up passing us his toys saying stuff like take woody then. He feels having no toys is of no consequence.

We have tried 1-2-3 magic and time out means nothing to him.

We have tried giving it no attention, it just gets louder and louder.

We have tried treating good behaviour with a dried apricot/choco button every time he does what we ask, but that lasted two days before he got bored.

I have now taken to shouting his name until I’m blue in the face and he finally turns around and says “what?” with a big smile on his face as though nothing has happened. This is the only response I can get out of him which is better than none at all.

Is he deaf or is he just 4???

How has behaviour been in the past? Was he always like this to some extent?

My instinct is that boundaries have to be enforced. So don’t lay down a rule unless you can enforce it. Try to phrase everything as a choice so that he has a get-out where he retains some dignity. Just choose one negative behaviour to work on at a time. Praise (attention, verbal and body language) even the slightest improvement. But it sounds like you have tried different strategies already so I’m guessing you’ve already tried that sort of thing.

Have you had him assessed for anything? Do you have a reason to be concerned about his hearing? My DD has a slight hearing impairment, the assessments they do are really good and helpful. Otherwise is there a possibility of something behavioural? There is a possibility of more support at school If he does have a diagnosable condition.

Thanks for your response!

He has been a good boy until sort of September time when he was just about to turn 4.

In terms of laying down rules... he seems to be into everything he isn’t supposed to so it’s just enforcing basic rules like not picking up things he shouldn’t, keeping his voice down in public, not climbing etc. He seems to be a bit aggressive, more whingey, demanding and controlling now he is 4.

Your suggestion of working on one thing at a time sounds like a good way forward. Is listening in general one behaviour or would it be even smaller than that? I often give him a choice and he ignores me or says the bad choice goes on to do his bad choice and laughs.

As he is 4 school won’t bring in SENCO until he is nearer 6 as behaviours tend to overlap I.e autism, adhd and general toddler behaviours.

U can go to ur doctors to request help or u can self refer to cahms aswell.
Currently dealing with the same thing with my 5 year old. We are waiting for referrals to come back atm.