Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

my huusband basically doesnt agree with me in discipline, what can we do?

12 replies

hermykne · 27/08/2007 18:06

he feels that i let them away with things. they dont get slapped when he thinks they should. that i mollycoddle them and spend too much time working it out.

"mollycoddling" is my approach to calming it down.

on my other thread my discipline procedure has been echoed by quite a few mums (similar approaches) so i dont feel wrong but just very insulted really. it s hard work being at home and i have done it for nearly 5 yrs now, there is no respite from the challenge and thats not a prob for me. But when my MIL tells me they are spoilt and dh tells me "they are the way they are because of you" (after one of them shouts at the other over some argument they are having, kinda normal in my book), i feel v let down.

my husband has never taken on baord any parenting tips from any book tv programme, any other person. is that normal
do your husbands try to work it with kids?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

scattyspice · 27/08/2007 18:09

Your dh and mil should keep their thoughts to themselves IMO.

Also all grandparents seem to think their grandkids are spoilt.

And all dhs think their dws are doing it wrong.

Just the sensible ones keep it to themselves.

Original poster

hermykne · 27/08/2007 18:13

thanks scattyspice - like the bit about all DH's

OP posts:

dustystar · 27/08/2007 18:19

My dh struggles more than me in staying calm. We have recently started doing 123 magic with our 2 as that is what they use at school with ds. DH says he really likes it because he knows exactly what to do and say and it helps him stay calm and in control.

Does he do things differently to you or does he leave the discipline up to you and then complain about how you do it?

Original poster

hermykne · 27/08/2007 18:32

yes dsuty he does things differently and leaves alot of it to me and then criticzes me like he did this morn.

he just gets cross immediatly with them, which can on occasion set the tears off when there was a n easier route to go but thats hard work for him i think.

OP posts:

HonoriaGlossop · 27/08/2007 18:41

I agree with you, I think it's laziness on your DH's part. It is much harder work to calm things and to negotiate.

But you ARE doing it right. If your DH is going to hand over the childrearing largely to you, he MUST accept that you are going to do it your way or at least accept that he must not make your life much harder by undermining you. Saying the kids are the way they are 'because of you' is so childish and mean spirited.

Be strong about the way you're doing it. Getting angry and slapping them is the lazy way out and won't teach them to behave any better.

It's a shame you're having to do this with so little support though.

Can you call his bluff on it? Tell him that if you're so nad at it, you're going to let him stay home!

Othersideofthechannel · 27/08/2007 18:47

A lot of good sense as always from HG.

Original poster

hermykne · 27/08/2007 19:34

hi otherside you can see from this why i posted the thread!

OP posts:

Original poster

hermykne · 27/08/2007 19:36

honria
i wish i could call his bluff, the only to day that would be dissappear for a night next time hes off work for 2/3 days.

thanks for the confidence boost, being bashed today from him and MIL.

my mum would supoort me but she take sides too which i dont want at all.

OP posts:

Othersideofthechannel · 27/08/2007 19:49

Oh yes, it is nothing to do with your parenting techniques.
Sounds like you have your work cut out persuading their father that in the long run it is better for them to learn to work things out verbally (even if that does involve lots of shouting for now) than by hitting which is what the quick slap method will teach them.

Original poster

hermykne · 27/08/2007 20:07

otherside - on your profile the book you are currently reading when u posted that - was it good?
thought u might be in ireland - otherside of channel (irish sea maybe ) but youre in france.

OP posts:

Othersideofthechannel · 27/08/2007 20:35

Oh yes, I have become a convert. Will be knocking on people's doors trying to put them on the righteous path soon!

mimsum · 27/08/2007 21:36

My dh drives me mad with his approach to discipline. He usually ends up inflaming the situation and making things 10 times worse . Part of the problem is that he and ds1 are very similar (only he can't see it) - they both lose their temper v quickly and are v inflexible - only one of them's a grown-up but it's often hard to tell which of them it is .

He thinks I'm too soft on them, but I can't see the point in coming down really heavily on fairly minor behaviour when there's an easier route out. He will also never let things lie, or let anyone else have the last word -arrgh, this thread has struck a chord as we've been having a bad day today ...

Flip