Toddler sleep crutches - please don’t read and run!

[Mumakate88]

Hi all,

I really need some advice. My little boy has just turned 2 and I need to somehow wean him off two big sleep crutches.

He has been using my hair as a comforter for over a year now and it’s getting beyond a joke. He wants my hair all the time and constantly has his hands in it and pulls it even during the day when I’m at home. He is and always has been very clingy with me and at the moment I can’t even leave a room without him crying. My partner does put him down every other night but we both sit by his cot and let him play with our hair through the bars until he’s asleep (I know we’ve made a rod!!) he wakes every night around 12/1 and always ends up in our bed but does sleep through when he comes in.

The other thing is that he has a dummy and has started wanting this constantly too.

I’m torn as part of me thinks he won’t need it forever so just let him have what he needs and he’ll naturally grow out of it. The other (more tired and emotional part!) says we need to be a bit firmer.

This evening I’ve been by his cot nearly an hour. He’s pulled clumps of my hair and still isn’t asleep. I feel really down as love him so much but feeling exhausted and like I’ve failed by giving in

I should add that we have tried comforters, fake hair etc instead and it doesn’t work 🙈

At 2 I'd be tempted to let him have the dummy for sleep and naps but not for other times. Might sound a bit harsh but he needs his mouth free in the day to learn to speak.

As for the sleep, have you read the No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers? It's not exactly a "how to" but should give you some good tips.

There are sone good tips here on separation anxiety too

I'd deal with one issue at a time and start with the hair. Children are naturally resistant to change so it will take time, patience, consistency and perseverance. He will get upset and fight it but while he's still in his cot is a good time to start as you have a natural barrier to separate you.

My LO was never really interested in a dummy and gradually we forgot about it while out and about so she just had it at bed and nap time. She started throwing it at nap times as she resisted going down so we stopped having it then. Bedtime was horrible because she got a really bad cold and could suck, sleep and breathe so I had to take it off so we could both sleep. Then decided not to give it back because we'd never be able to get it off her again. It meant she was more unsettled for a few weeks when she woke in the night but we got through it.

As for comforters, we offered her loads but she eventually chose her own and it was a cuddly of something she really loved watching so she already had an emotional connection to it.