My nephew can't speak and nobody is helping him

[jorange5]

My nephew was 2 in June and cannot speak a word.

It is something that his mum and grandparents are very defensive about and they have been telling us and the HV that he has a vocabulary of 10 - 20 words.

My DP saw him the other day though and he cannot say anything, he can just make a 'shhh' sound and his mum admits he never says anything else. She says it is normal for boys and he will talk in his own time.

However, nobody speaks to the poor boy. He lives with his grandparents and mother (she is very young) and is encouraged to play by himself, if he demands attention he is put in his high chair with a bottle or is put to bed until he is 'good'. He has no interaction with other children and will not hold eye contact at all when you speak to him.

How can we help him? Does he even need any help? I have no idea if this is normal for boys or not as I have a daughter who started speaking at 10 months. I just feel so sorry for the kid as he can't communicate his needs.

I would give the local health visitors a ring and pass on your concerns.

My friends little boy did'nt talk until 2.3 yet his twin sister was speeking at the age of 12 months.

I would'nt be too concerned, dd2 is 18 months and can not say a word.

It is worrying that his mother does'nt give him anough attention, this could be why he does'nt speek as no one realy speeks to him

I would be more concerened about the way he is being brought up rather than the speeking problem.

If you can, I would raise concerns direct to mum and encorage her to speak to the Health Visitor.
To try and do this in a non-judgemental way is very hard, but after all HV's are there to help.
If you went behind her back to HV it may cause friction in your family.(You may have to "sell" the idea of the HV to her by sounds of it, ie speak about them in a v positive light). IS there anyone else in your family that is close to the mum and may have a word on your behalf?

In a normal situation I wouldn't be too worried about this but in the circumstances you describe I think this is more serious. Children learn through interaction and he is obviously not getting much so this could be contributing to his probs. I would speak to his mum and she if you can persuade her to speak to hv

in this situation I think the best hing you can do is ensure that you preserve good relations with all involved with this boy - don't do anything that could cause ill feeling or you may not be able to help in the future.

My sisters son did not speak for quite a while and then suddenley came on in leaps and bounds. I would be supportive and kind - but keep a cloae eye. You could always speak to your own helath vistor so you can get an idea of what is expected at this age and she may have some ideas.

It is insightful of you to notice and be concerned. He is lucky to have you looking out for him. (not meant to be patronising but can't phrase it any other way.)

Does he try to communicate in other ways, eg pointing at what he wants?

It may be that his parents are just in denial. I know that when my ds1 was a toddler dh was absolutely convinced that ds1 was going to start speaking at any moment. I heard from other people that certain relatives were telling them that the only reason ds1 couldn't speak was because no-one ever spoke to him or played with him. In reality we spent a lot of time talking to him and it was very difficult to play with him. He just didn't want to know. After assessments ds1 was diagnosed with autism.

The circumstances may be different with your nephew but I am always very wary when a lack of speech is blamed on parents not speaking to a child and not playing with them. Is he their first child? If my dd had been my first child (always chattering away and generally letting us know what she wants) I would've realised far earlier that ds1 was different to other children.

My ds was two in June as well. He has a friend (one of my MN post-natal club's ds) who doesn't say a great deal whilst mine chatters nineteen to the dozen. On the other hand, the other little boy is much more physically developed than my ds and is very communicative in terms of smiling, laughing, shouting nonsense words, etc. So although not speaking may be normal, I don't think not communicating is.

Can you offer to spend some time with him? Or suggest that they take him to toddler groups and places where he'll have a chance to interact with other kids? I feel dreadfully sorry for him. Much as I am frequently driven round the bend by my ds' demands for attention, I would never put him to bed until he was 'good' (wouldn't work for starters, he'd be out in a trice).

Yes, he needs help. How do you know they never talk to him? If this is accurate then it sounds like they are just not interacting with him at all. If they don't speak to him and put him in isolation every time he tries to interact with them, they are teaching him to not interact. Not stimulating a child is VERY damaging ... but would it lead to him not speaking or making eye contact? It would have to be very very severe I think. Most kids pick up language just from being in the same room as someone talking.

The not speaking, making odd vocalisations and the not making eyecontact sound like my kids at that age, both of whom are autistic.

Why not spend time with the boy yourself? He is your nephew, why not ask to take him out? Just say that you'd love to take him to the park. Spend time with him and see whether you can get a response if you try to engage him, try to see if he is non-communicative because of his environment, or whether it is more than that.

Whatever it is, whether he has something like ASD, or whether it is extreme neglect, you need to do something.

Thanks for all the replies and suggestions, I will give a bit more info.

He lives at his grandparents house (both 60) with his mum (21). His mum just split from his dad after a very stormy relationship which took up a lot of their attention. Whenever we went round they were arguing while the boy was sitting in his cot or on his own in a high chair Since moving to the grandparents' things are no better really as his mum is forever texting her new man or tarting herself up to go out (2 hours to put make up on and straighten hair every day). She wont get up before 9am even if her son is screaming. Sometimes his grandma gets him up and his mum goes mad at her.

Basically his mum lives the life of a girl of 21 and makes no adjustment for the baby.

The grandparents look after his needs but they are very much of the opinion that good children play by themselves and don't hassle adults, so he has loads of outdoor toys which he is sent to play on. He loves them and is very active, climbing all over things and running everywhere. He just doesn't get much human interaction.

Early summer I stayed with them for a month while we were moving house so I saw what goes on. I just haven't seen them until now and nothing has changed. They live 80 miles away and I have a 10 month old to deal with so I can't get directly involved. Also, they are all highly sensitive about the lack of speaking and if you mention it they get upset.

I took a couple of books with me and showed him pictures to try and engage him so we could try and say some words but he wont engage at all. I don't even know if that was the best thing to do. He is not allowed TV, I know TV is not a good educational tool but it taught my daughter to say bye-bye!

He is such a cute little boy it seems such a shame.

www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=1070&a=5319

this link has some VERY useful information about encouraging communication. (obviously written from POV of ASD, but still relevant to other communication problems). also the hanen website. Also the Hanen book "You make the Difference" has some very useful advice.

If he's not up to looking at books with you, then one approach that might work would be figuring out what he would have a motivation for saying - say if he likes chocolate, you don't give it him straight away, repeat "chocolate" several times, with a view that eventually he'll know to ask for chocolate. Or if he likes you blowing bubbles, pause before you do it, and say "more" or "again", that sort of thing.

Like Coppertop I would be a bit wary about assuming that he's not speaking due to parents not speaking to him - with the majority of kids the speech/social stuff seems to come automatically.

If the mother or grandparents were willing, you could possibly sell the idea of surestart to them - toddler groups, sometimes free summer trips etc.

Babytalk by Sally Ward is pretty good as well, very accessible. Agree with coppertop etc.

Is he pointing out things of interest? With an index finger?

i was a mum of 2 at 21 and i wouldnt dream of not bothering with my children you should change your life style once you have children im expecting my 3rd and im 23 i would never change motherhood to clubbing

Have you heard of ICAN? They are a children?s communication charity and may be helpful.

They work to foster the development of speech, language and communication skills in all children with a special focus on those who find this hard.

Loads of useful resources on their website under parent point including what you would expect from each age group and what to do if problems. Website here
HTH

Just read your post and thought I could give you some info as I am a SALT.

The first thing is you can't do much without the parent's consent. They have to give permission for the HV to refer your nephew for assessment, if he needs it.

Some children don't have any words at 2 although the average is about 50 words, and a lot will be joining words at this age. I used to take referrals all the time for non-talking 2 year olds. Some were simply late talkers and were discharged later once I was satisfied they were progressing.

More important is whether he is understanding language. He should be able to carry out short instructions like "Give Mummy the book" or "Put your cup on the table".

I would also want to see him initiating communication, pointing, doing some pretend play, making eye-contact and generally trying to interact. Lack of these skills at 2 is usually concerning.

There is no evidence to suggest that lack of stimulation alone can cause a language delay. Plenty of children learn language in a non-stimulating environment. However if a child's brain is not so well wired for language then a low-stimulation environment can make the problem worse. It's very important for these children to have opportunities to socialise, and even better, for the parents/carers to get help with giving appropriate language input through play.

I hope this gives you some info to go on when/if you do decide to speak to your nephew's mum.

I don't know what it could be but I think Coppertop may have a good point. My sister and mother kept in denial about my nephew having a problem until it was no longer possible to dismiss it. For those who are not near enough to my sister it may look as if she is denial or has not recognised there is a problem, and she was often told that if she played more or spent more time talking to him her child would be doing better. But the truth is she is well aware of the problem, her child has been diagnosed, attends a special school and has therapy 3 times a week. But she has found it easier to cope with it all by not discusing the topic lightly, she only talks about it to a limited number of persons, and just if it's strictly necessary.

I didn't speak until I was 3 everyone including the doctors were concerned but couldn't find anything wrong. Within a few days of speaking I was talking in complete sentences and haven't shut up since

I was told when ds1 was 22 months that I 'obviously wasn't talking to him enough" when I said I talked to him all the time, I was told I was obviuosly 'talking over him'.

Right. He's now 8 years old, severely autistic and can't talk at all.

If he;s not pointing he needs a referral. If he is, then it might all drop into place very quickly.

He points when he wants things and if you don't pass it straight away he starts screaming. If I say 'do you want these keys?' or something when he is pointing he looks at me, then strains more for the object, then starts to cry.

It's encouraging that he's pointing to communicate his needs and wants jorange5. Poor thing, he sounds very frustrated. I hope you get somewhere with your nephew's mum.

not read all thread, r u in a position to offer to have him perhaps a couple of hrs a week? as well as helping u have a relationship with him which in turn may help him it will give mum a break which might b part of the prob if she struggling to cope. i always feel like playing with my kids more when i have not seen them all day rather than when they with me all the time

People used to think I didn't speak to or play with my ds1. Truth is I will never know why he spoke so late. My friend's second son is 2, and doesn't have a word - her eldest spoke at 9 months and strung sentances at 14 months.

Please please please be very very wary about blaming the parents. I totured myself for years about ds1's speech - ds2 has twice the vocab at 16 months than ds1 had at 2.5!

i know a girl who didn't speak at all until she was 4 except for mum and sam (her sister)