2yo suddenly a fussy eater.

[KW89]

My DS3 turned two at the start of December.
Up until around October he was a fairly good eater and was sleeping through the night. He started waking multiple times screaming, this went on for around a month, but thankfully we seem to be through that now, with just the occasional wake up. However, around the same time he suddenly began refusing alot of foods that he'd previously eat, he will not eat any veg (other than mash) the only fruit he will eat is banana, melon and sometimes kiwi.
This is getting worse and worse, he has the last few weeks been refusing pasta, chicken, rice, toast, sandwich, weetabix, I'm running out of things that he will eat, I don't want him having unhealthy meals every night.
He just point blank refuses, or will sometimes put something in his mouth and spit it back out again.
Any ideas? I just don't know what to do! His brothers both had fussy stages, but not to this extent, and not for this long...

Why did he wake up screaming during the night? Is it possible he was in pain? Fussiness over food can be associated with a traumatic experience like chocking or an illness which makes eating painful, e.g. tonsillitis or reflux.

Then again some DCs suddenly become very fussy. My DS did BLW straight into everything we were eating. Everyone remarked on how amazing his eating was. Then around 18mo he got a bit fussy which I thought was a normal stage, then fussier and fussier until he was down to 23 very specific foods (e.g. only a certain shape of pasta with no sauce, butter or cheese) and I realized he had a problem. He’s 5yo now and has ARFID but I don’t know for the life of me what changed his taste.

Whether a long term issue or a temporary glitch I would really recommend Direction of Responsibility. It removes the pressure and arguments over food, and may help some DCs overcome psychological reasons for fussiness.

Thankyou for your reply.
He didn't show any signs of being ill at the time of the wakings, and no choking incidents either. We thought possible nightmares? Sometimes he'd still be laying down and didn't appear to be completely awake, it got to the point where he seemed scared to go to bed, he'd go completely potty at naptime too so we just stopped naps, and not long after this it improved.

Had never heard of ARFID, I have just looked it up. I was going to wait until his 2 year check to see if it was just a phase before mentioning to Health Visitor, but I think I might call them sooner.

What is Direction of Responsibility? I've googled but nothing is coming up.

Thankyou for the info x

So sorry that was a typo, it’s Division of Responsibility! It’s a way of thinking about food that might help with ‘normal’ fussiness and more extreme ARFID. The parent is responsible for offering the food, the child is responsible for eating it.

So you offer the normal family meal (ideally deconstructed into its constituent parts, e.g. rice on the side, sauce on the side, meat on the side, etc) plus 2-3 safe foods, I.e. foods your child usually eats. Offer all this buffet style and allow the child to eat what they want, in whatever order they want and as much as they want. Make no comments, so no praising, no bridging, no negotiating, no conditions, no threats, no punishments no arguments, no comments whatsoever,. The only exception is comments on portions to allow other people to eat, e.g. “The bread is for everyone to share, please take a portion, not all of it.”.

If the child doesn’t eat anything, say nothing, but offer a selection of snacks in 2-3 hours, if the child complains he is hungry after not eating say something neutral like “I see. Well we’ll have some snacks in 2-3 hours”.

It is supposed to take the pressure off - even praise and encouragement is pressure for some children - and to give the DCs control over their food. It’s helped us a lot. DS has added to his safe foods, everyone is more relaxed about eating and it’s helped us enormously socially because DS now understands there is a limited choice of foods in social situations like restaurants and at friends’ houses, but my DS is 5yo.

That's brilliant thankyou for all of the information you've been really helpful. X

DS (23 months) sounds similar to yours and has been for months now. He currently doesn’t really eat vegetables and not cooked meals. It’s very frustrating and we’re not sure when to seek help. NHS website suggests it’s not an issue if he’s eating something from each of four food groups:

^As long as your child eats some food from the 4 main food groups (fruit and vegetables; potatoes, bread, rice, pasta and other starchy carbohydrates; dairy or dairy alternatives; and beans, pulses, fish, eggs, meat and other proteins) you don't need to worry^

I think DS is, except he’s recently gone off eggs too so protein mostly from Greek yoghurt. Not sure if that’s enough? Hoping to tempt him back to eat eggs again. He is also still breastfeeding.

I’ll be following to see what other replies you get. What we’re trying is similar to pp in that we’re trying to relax about meals as much as possible (we’re just responsible to provide healthy food). I was trying to relax before but realise now I was still paying too much attention to his eating. Now I’m far more laid back.

We’re also trying to give him three things each time so he has a choice and gets used the variety. The only benefit so far is that he no longer pushes his plate away but is interested to see what’s on there. We try to give at least one thing we know he’ll enjoy each time too.