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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Early bullying? Advice please

15 replies

Grommit · 28/09/2004 18:59

Not sure how to handle this - dd (4)just started reception. She came home today really upset because one of the girls told her she was going kill her baby brother - with her daddy's sword. This was because dd was first in the queue. The child in question is much bigger than dd and a bit older. I don't know whether to ignore or to mention to the child's mother. Advice please!

OP posts:

Mosschops30 · 28/09/2004 19:02

Message withdrawn

foxinsocks · 28/09/2004 19:04

Awww this is really difficult. My dd is the same age and she has a problem with taking everything people say to her completely literally . She has loads of kids in her class who have older brothers and sisters and tend to repeat comments they have heard from them to dd e.g. calling her poo-poo head and the boys playing games where they say they are going to 'dead' her. I would have a word with the teacher, very casually, and say that she was upset by these comments and let the teacher speak to this child and explain that the comments were hurtful.

I've been trying to focus on explaining how people say horrid things but don't actually mean then (I say they are just being silly) but it is very difficult for them at this age to judge a situation.

kkgirl · 28/09/2004 19:04

I'm not really sure how to handle this, hope you get some other posts to help.
My first reaction is to mention it to the teacher, especially if dd continues to be upset. The teacher can then keep an eye on the other child to see if the problem develops. Lots of reassurance to your dd as well would help.
Aren't kids lovely!!

WideWebWitch · 28/09/2004 19:56

Grommit, I'd tell the teacher and ask her what she thinks. It may be that she saw it or that she knows the girl in question and I think she should be the one to handle it if possible. I'd tell your dd that it absolutely isn't going to happen and the other girl shouldn't have said it and it wasn't nice and she should tell the teacher if there's a next time.

Batters · 28/09/2004 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shimmy21 · 28/09/2004 21:19

Oh God I know how awful you must be feeling. About this time of term when my ds was in reception he started to be bullied by a group of boys who invented a game that involved punching him in the stomach and running away. Sadly he was desperate to be friends and so followed them and put up with it. He finally poured out his little heart at half term and we were in complete turmoil. I honestly felt like going and punching the kids mums next time I saw them and that's not me. Instead we went straight in to school on the first day back and spoke to the head and class teacher. They were fab -understood how worried we were, talked to the boys concerned, did an assembly and posted watchers to keep an eye on ds at lunchtimes. The problem stopped (the kids admitted it) and in fact 2 years on they are best best friends with my ds and I am mates with their mums who are lovely.
To cut a long story short - please talk to the school. They will care!

essbee · 28/09/2004 21:24

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Grommit · 29/09/2004 11:12

Thanks everyone for your comments. DD has been sent home with a 'tummy ache' this morning. The first thing she said on arrival home was the girl who was bullying called her a bonehead. She has just eaten all her lunch and is now running around quite happy. I will go to the school today and talk to the teacher. Feel like thumping the kid's mum but she is much bigger than me

OP posts:

geekgrrl · 29/09/2004 12:34

ooh Grommit this is like a deja-vu - my poor dd also had death threats against her family thrown at her in reception. The other girl also told everyone else that they musn't play with dd, so dd always had lonely playtimes - she resorted to asking dh to come in and play with her because no one else will.
I spoke to the school several times who were very uncooperative, and dismissed it as being normal behaviour for little girls. Dd had started having nightmares by this point. I also spoke to the girl's mother (we were friends) but that only brought a one week reprieve. Eventually we resorted to moving dd to a different primary school after the christmas hols where she is very happy with lots of friends. The new school is much better structured and has very strong morals. I would have thought that talking to the teacher should suffice - a school should really crack down on this sort of behaviour severely. Hope it goes well and your little dd gets to enjoy her time in reception.

MarmaladeSun · 29/09/2004 13:17

Hi. Unfortunately I have to agree with geekgrrl in that schools can be very unsympathetic sometimes (however, I still feel that this should be the first course of action). We have recently moved to the UK from Germany, and I have been to the school on a number of occasions about incidents involving DD, who's 9. At one point DD was told by 2 girls that they hoped her baby sister (who I was 8 months pregnant with at the time) would die!!! I spoke to the headmistress (who is also head of year) and she said 'oh well in all fairness the football was on last night and some of the children stayed up late to watch it so they're tired'! I was GOBSMACKED. However, the conduct of some of the staff is no better; my DD told a teaching assistant that she knew where babies come from (again as I was pregnant) and the TA told her that she is the sort of girl who will be pregnant at 15!!!! They are still at this school, and I am seriously considering moving them (my DS is also there) to another school.

MarmaladeSun · 29/09/2004 13:18

Incidentally, DD doesn't know all the facts about babies; only what she needs to know!

Original poster

Grommit · 29/09/2004 13:46

MarmaladeSun - that sounds dreadful - can't believe the school is so unsupportive.

I did call my dds reception teacher at lunchtime. She was very concerned and promised she would address the issue by talking to the whole class on how to treat people - kindness etc. She will also talk directly with the girl in question. She has asked me to ask dd to tell her if anything more is said. I feel a bit better now.

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MarmaladeSun · 29/09/2004 13:52

I'm glad Grommit. Most schools do respond well. I just can't believe the one we are at. I just don't want to disrupt the kids again (hubby is forces so we have to move a lot anyway.) Problem is it's a new school and I think they don't want to admit to anythign in case it 'tarnishes' their reputation IYSWIM

Original poster

Grommit · 29/09/2004 14:20

MarmaladeSun - can you write to the school board of governors?

OP posts:

MarmaladeSun · 29/09/2004 16:17

Grommit, yes I could, but I really don't want to rock the boat and make life harder for the kids. It's only a small school; less than 100 pupils between 4 and 11 so anything that happens will be common knowledge. I realise this is probably wrong, but I don't want to rock the boat IYSWIM

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