Help, where has my nice baby gone?

[FL59]

Hi all, looking for advice for my 20 month old. He has been the easiest most chilled baby ever up until the last couple of weeks and I don't know what to do.

He has started hitting, only me and dad, but mostly me. At nursery he is lovely, but at home if he is unwell/frustrated he lashes out at me. At first it was only occasional and I could tell he was just experimenting with it so I didn't mind, just kept telling him he must be nice and mustn't hit.

But this weekend has been horrendous. He has been unwell, which makes him very clingy, and very irritable so it hasn't helped.

I just don't think the way I am dealing with it is effective as things are getting worse rather than better so looking for advice. As an example, this was this morning:

He woke up in a happy mood and gave me the biggest grin when I went to get him. We went downstairs and I put him down in his chair to have breakfast. This is when all hell broke loose ( he is still unwell so usually prefers to have breakfast on my lap but thought I'd try the high chair). He was hitting his head on the back of the chair in a tantrum so I picked him up and as he was mad of course he hit me. So I said "you mustn't hit" and put him down calmly and pottered around the kitchen for a minute leaving him to cry then picked him up for a cuddle. But he was still mad so hit again so I started again etc etc. The problem is everytime I put him down he got more upset so there was no chance of me being able to pick him up without him lashing out. So we did this over and over again until his dad picked him to get him ready as he was late for work and had to drop him off at nursery. While daddy was getting him ready he was screaming for his mummy and was beside himself, he seemed scared and had spasms. He was then in tears and didnt want to leave me. It just seems that he is overcome by emotions and he wants me to help him deal with them but then as I am the one there I take the brunt of it. I can see that he doesn't want to hit but can't fight the impulse, then gets more and more scared that I am putting him down and ignoring him.

He used to be so happy, eat his breakfast in minutes, laugh and chat through getting ready and wave byebye.

I am crying, I feel like a total failure that my boy has has such an upsetting morning.

What should I do?

I'm sorry for the essay... I have been heartbroken all day it feels like my boy has completely changed overnight. Any thoughts?

Don't pick him up. I would have left him to headbutt his chair and wait til he stops. It seemsike you could avoid the hitting, by ignoring him and nit picking him up until he has calmed. You could also try distraction, but do not allow him to get close enough to hit. When he hits put him down and leave him.

OP- how is his language? Tantrums are usually an expression of frustration, especially if a child cannot communicate what they want or need. Hitting is part of that and you receive much of it as you are his safety net/ reference point.

I'm going to give an opposing view:
If putting him down isn't working, don't do it...... He needs your reassurance. Rather than saying what he mustn't do (which he doesn't have the impulse control to manage), try to calm him by suggesting what he could do instead. Saying that you know he is cross but daddy is helping so we're ready on time and will be there in just a minute . If he is scared and emotional, of course putting him down will cause it to escalate.

Enough of the 19th century style leave them to it.

Thank you both for your response, I feel so lonely with this this so hearing from you really helped.

It is so hard to know what to do for the best. I do think I would not be getting hit if I left him to it, but I also think he needs me so if I leave him it escalates even more.

This morning was horrendous again and I ended up shouting at him which has made me feel so guilty. I really need a new strategy :(

His language is OK, but probably a little less than average as he is raised in a bilingual household. He knows quite a lot of single words but in the last few days hasn't even tried to use them, he just points and grunts.

I am just confused by how sudden this is. He has gone from completely relaxed and smiling all day, to never being happy at all. He used to grin and put his arms out in the morning when we went to get him. Now as soon as we walk in he starts hitting his head on the bedframe in anger, doesn't want to be picked up and it goes downhill from there. Is this normal? I am getting worried that something is wrong with him.

You say he has been ill- he will have less energy than usual and probably not feel great but unable to express it.

Enough of the 19th century style leave them to it

I did also suggest distraction. Look it, worked with my kid a few months ago, around about the same age. He was headbutting the floor and door etc. I ignored him, it stopped within three weeks. Comforting also helps when he has a tantrum too.

But if he was hitting me, I wouldn't want to pick him up to be hit more.

It's the terrible twos. He's hit it and he's testing.

If you're worried there's something wrong, go to GPS and get checked out just in case?