10 months old behaviour - what's normal? Please help!

[tigerlil]

Any advise from you seasoned moms would be very much appreciated!

My DD has - for the past month - been throwing little temper tantrums if she doesn't get her own way. These can range from when her meal comes to an end to if I take a toy away from her or even when I tell her 'no' when she's about to do something naughty. These tantrums are combined with terrible cries with big tears running down her face. I've ignored them a few times and she's resettled herself pretty quickly and will be babbling away within a minute or two.

As a first time mom, I find these things really difficult to ignore and then doubt myself as a parent debating in my head that (a) perhaps she's still hungry (but my gut feeling is she isn't) or (b) maybe she's bored and needs to be around more children for stimulation.

My DH tells me that I'm putting too much pressure on myself and that this is just a stage she's going through. I on the other hand find it very difficult to detach myself from her 'episodes' as I'm worried I may be 'damaging' her somehow - when I ignore her tears!

As you can probably tell, I'm having a bit of a tough day so would appreciate any advise.

Tigerlil, I think it is just a phase tbh. She's trying to get her own way and trying to control the situation. As you say she is settling herself very quickly, so they are only tears of rage, that she hasn't got what she wanted.
At this age they also IMO get quite frustrated as they want to be able to communicate and can't, and may also want to be more mobile.
Ds2 is at this age at the moment, and is going through something similar.

Tigerlil - this is totally normal and nothing to worry about.

Agree with Zubb in that I think they do get frustrated that they can't verbalise what they want to get across and they also just reach that age where they get very willfull!!

My DS2 does it and throws himself on the floor (or anything else he can get his hands on). Sometimes it's so dramatic that I can only laugh!

I find the best policy is to ignore it - honestly. Sometimes I might try and reason or cuddle for a minute or so - sometimes it works and sometimes it clearly won't so I just say 'right, I'll leave you to it then' and walk off. It passes fairly soon then.

HTH

My DS is now 19 months and has put in some Oscar winning performances in the most embarassing of places eg the doctors, the supermarket and the odd car park! Even nursery say he knows his own mind and makes his feelings felt

I've generally found that distraction works best ie swap one toy for another or offer a drink instead of food. Then if all else fails let him howl / stamp his feet / throw himself on the floor / cry or whatever. As long as he cannot harm himself I leave him to it.

Now that he's old enough to be left in a room on his own, I've started leaving the room when a tantrum appears. The problem is that he stops the tantrum, follows me into the other room and then starts again! On occasion we've done a complete tour of the house before he runs out of steam (it's so funny to see that I almost don't mind the ear ache )

Thanks girls, it's such a relief to know that there are others like me out there. Your replies have really been very helpful!

LOL

Yup, ds is/ws the same. He is 13 months now. As the others have said, distraction and if that doesn't work ignore. Once he was so over the top with it I just couldn't help laughing myself silly. Went and got the camara so that I could embarress him when he's older.

Thanks woodstock! The camera sounds like a good idea - i.e. you're turning a possible negative thing into a positive one. I honestly want to climb the walls when my little tortoise plays up so I'm going to try and view it in a more positive light and either ignore it or try and capture a bit of it on film to get my own back on her at her 21st!

Just a couple of other possibilities which are known tantrum-causers. Is she tired? Hungry? Needing one-to-one attention? I find now that my dd is 2 (On Sunday!!!!! ) even though we've so far escaped full on tantrums we do get fits of tempers with terrible tears of frustration. I can often sense when one's coming and it's usually just pre nap time or if we've had a very stimulating day with little time for just she and I. If I catch it in time and suggest doing something quiet like colouring in her book or reading a story or nursery rhymes while she sits quietly with a snack / drink, I can more often than not fend it off. Of course you can't always do that when out but if it happens at home it works. or seems to.

If it's non negotiable I say "it's sad when we have to get down from the highchair" in a sympathetic voice, and then get him down no messing.

Also in my own head I force myself to expect the best, I think ds can pick up on hesitant and nervous behaviour from me. I act confident even if I don't feel it.

I'm not comfortable with just ignoring undesirable behaviour. It's okay to be disappointed, but not okay to throw a tantrum, so as soon as he looks unhappy I comment about the situation and move on. On the very rare occassion that's not enough - then I ignore the behaviour.