My 5 YO thinks he rules the world...help!

[VengefulSquirrel]

Anyone out there got any advice...my ds is 5, and is very bossy/controlling etc (although obviously i love him dearly) it is driving me a bit mad. If feels like he is 'on at me' all day, watch this, no Mummy this, stop talking, no you've got to do it this way etc etc, he especially likes to be watched when playing/eating, doing anything. He loves to 'command' other children, marshalling them in complex games of his own design, and god help them if they get the rules wrong...

What is normal? How do I deal with it? How do I help him see this is not the way to win friends and influence people?!?! We had dd 5 months ago and I am sure this is a factor but...help needed! Energy running low at the mo...I want to be a better parent than this.

Well squirrel, I've spent the last few days composing my own similar post along the same lines. have no words of wisdom for you, other than reading your thread has made me realise my son's normal. It's the argumentativeness that gets me, DS gets so bossy and pedantic and one day he's going to get clobbered by a child who decides to disagree. But even before it gets to that stage, it often ends in tears for DS who's indignant about other children's behaviour and furioius that they're not listening to him! As you say, it's the winning friends bit that concerns me too. No idea what the solution is though.

I'm sure when he gets back to school it'll calm down. DD1 has similar traits but none that i'm overly bothered. With her i'm more bothered with clinginess and her copying her friends etc. I suppose they just want to fit in and be a part of it.

my 6 year old is like it too, being off school for so long doesn't help much!

Is it just boys that have this!! Sorry to butt in put I also have ds who at times I could strangle! I gest. If I tell him not to do something i get "well i'll do it tomorrow" ahhh.

Thanks for your support, Peaches and Astra et al. I think you're right, I do have summer holiday fatigue (guilty confession!) my heart breaks for him because I know that the world cannot give him the 100% 24/7 that he demands from me. He does make friends but they tend to be ones he can run rings round...his favourite type are willing females a bit younger than him. It really concerns me!

Bump....any practical suggestions? Still 2 weeks of hols to go!

Girls certainly are the bossiest!, My 5yr old DD1 loves to boss her little sister around (she is only 2 and half).
They will play quite complex games and if my DD2 does not want to do something or does not understand, DD1 will go into a meltdown of shouting and screaming. Drives me nuts!!
DD2 is getting her own back though, as she does hit out if her sister annoys her too much.
A few weeks ago, we went camping and one evening whilst walking in the woods we found a tree stump that looked like a throne.
We took turns to play King or Queen and my DD1 loved the game TOO MUCH, but at least DD2 had a chance to lord it over her big sister for a time.
No practical solutions i'm afraid, just glad the holidays are almost over.
AB

Ripeberry. Not long to go.

I have one od these, an incredible intens3 5.5 year old! When my brain is frazzled (have ds 2 aged 6 months, so we are in a similar situation and I feel the same way! and Dh away Mon - Fri) I put on the oven timer for 15 mins and he has to play quielty on his own and no questions are allowed. I do this at least 3 times a day, although to day I lost it as they both went nuts at the same time! 2 more weeks to go, I think the structure and discipline of school has worn off and they need it back. He has gone for a sleepover at G'ma's tonight which is great. I love them both to bits, but I swear I feel like my bone marrow is sucked from me sometimes; we also do DEAL OR NO DEAL eg: if you want to do this you have to do this first , like if you want to go tot he park you have to pick up all your power rangers off the floor and brush your own teeth. Also we have 'helpful pennies' when he helps with DS2 eg: entertaining him, getting muslin squares and he has a calendar countdown as to when he can go spend them at Toys R Us, the last sat before school. I am so shagged am off to bed to watch a DVD a 8pm. I also get the command thing, he has a mate over today and the bossing and controlling was hideous, 2 hours of hell, they ended up on sofas in different rooms for 10 mins and they did my head in! I say you have done REALLY VERY WELL so far, DS2 gets up once if not twice a night and thinks 5.30am is getting up time, I am serioulsy done in!

Thank goodness my DS turns out to be "normal" i.e.just like all of yours! He's 5 next month and tries to be so controlling & bossy. It must be an age thing I guess, and would seen more prevelant in boys perhaps. Luckily we're off on holiday tomorrow...change as good a a rest etc..

caro, 'intense' - that is the word I was looking for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oven timer idea FAB. Am rushing out to nearest oven timer shop tomorrow.

My DS does all of these things sometimes too, being very bossy and controlling, ordering other children around etc etc, I'm sorry I don't really have any advice on it. The 'naughty step' for five minutes works if he's being really obnoxious though. I'm just really glad to see that it's one of those 5-year-old things.

me too - this thread has been great moral support for me ((((((hugs)))))))

Hi

I have just been reading everything you have all said and I am soooo pleased its not just my son who is like that. I have a DS who is 5 1/2 and another ds who is 3. DS1 who is 5 1/2 is totally bossy. He even orders adults around! Went to the beach the other day and I sat there with my parents watching him telling this lady to move a few rocks for him so he could make a dam! I pretended he wasnt my son as he had spent most of the morning ordering other kids around and if he didnt like what they said he went and broke their dams down and they got cross with him but it didnt deter him. At school he is well known and he too only seems to play with children that arent perhaps as bright as him - kids he knows he can boss around. He also shows off in front of them and they laugh so he's always getting told off. He was even bold enough the last term to go straight to the head's office and tell tales on someone. It totally does my head in. I feel other mums dont like me because of how he is. Having said all of this he is doing very well at school and I have been told he is above national expectations for a child of his age! He is confident and very bright. Maybe VengefulSquirrel this is how your son is - bright and very intellgent?

Thanks Bigmumma. Yes, he is very articulate and clever in the sense that it is almost impossible to 'pu one over on him' (IYSWIM) He picks up on things in adult conversations really quickly and is hard to settle at night, it takes him ages to wind down. He does seem to be particularly diff. with me, and behaves better for dh, which leaves me feeling like a failure sometimes. Like you, it is the interactions with adults I find tough - when I was his age I was naturally wary/respectful of adults and ds just treats everyone the same. it is difficult. Good luck to both of us! x

Yes it can be very wearing at times when you just want them to shut up and be kids!!! The bossing around really gets me and I do worry that DS1 wont have many friends because of how he is with other kids - telling tales on them - always aware of other people's business. Having said that though the other day he was about to say something and then went quiet and said "actually Ive got to mind my own business" which was a great achievement for him and I was pleased. Hope he can work on it though when next term starts at school!

To add to previous post...just returned from a holiday where DS (nearly 5) was in a group situation with 3 other 4 year olds (all strangers). To me he was very controlling (read bossy) but other Mums (perhaps very polite) said "Yes" but he is including all the children (being V. inclusive) in his games...so who knows really? Just a phase....?