Tantrums with Daddy

[Tuesday5]

My dd is 2.3 and is as good as any other 2yr old apart from when daddy comes home. My dh works away mon-fri and dd talks all wk about when daddy is coming home. I tell her each bedtime how many more sleeps there are and what will happen on the friday night when dh is home. We have a routine which we pretty much stick to and friday nights are great. But by sat am, what a nightmare. i work sat am and dh gets dd up and ready, it is constant screaming and tantrums and once she even woke my neighbours up. It is pretty much the same for the rest of the weekend, screaming no when daddy tries to do things ie tea, bathtime. Wants to sit with me all the time, cries for me when dh is doing bedtime etc and it is is heartbreaking. Please help us!!!

Has your dh always worked away or is it a recent change?

Sounds like your dd is feeling conflicted. Looks forward to Daddy, gets overexcited, but then when he's there, she feels jealous because she doesn't have you all to herself. Obviously, you will be very eager to be with him, having not seen him all week!

Also, the toddler years are tantrum filled anyway. Tbh, if it wasn't this, it would be something else!

My advice would be to stop making it a battle. If she doesn't want your dh to do things like bath and bed, don't do it. (Apart from when he has to while you're at work)

Make her seek him out. Play with one of her toys, she'll come up and want to join in.

And perhaps stop building it up during the week, don't count down the days or try to build excitement for daddy coming home. Make it normal life, daddy works, daddy comes home.

I think MTPW has hit the nail on the head. My dh also works away during the week and we have similar problems with ds1 (3.6) and dd (2) at the weekends. I'm fairly sure it is jealousy and over excitement because he's been off for 3 weeks now and they are absolutely fine with him again. We don't have the tantrums you describe but they are definitely more clingy with me, reluctant to let dh do the bedtime routine and generally just play him up more

I agree with the idea of making it normal for daddy to be away and then back, rather than a huge deal as that may calm her down a bit. In the beginning dh wanted to do treaty type things at the weekend but that wound the dcs up even more so now we just have 'normal' weekends which has helped a bit.

I think changes like this are unsettling for little ones and she may be worrying that you are going away like daddy when you go to work which is why she plays up. At her age she doesn't have any real concept of time or the language to articulate her fears so it inevitably results in tantrums.

Dh has always worked away so its nothing new to her.

I never thought about her being jealous, it does make sense tho! Ive suggested to dh to make sat am their special time when they do things together, at least that may help with the morning tantrums!!

I have thought about just getting on with things myself but at the risk of sounding selfish, i look forward to dh taking over cos by friday i'm fit to drop, but i will give anything a try.

The toy thing sounds good, and i'll not build up fridays so much. Thank you

Right then, normal seems the way to go! This weekend we will give it a try and i'll let you know how we get on. I feel better now, thank you x

Is there a swimming session or something he could take her to on a sat morning, to encourge her to get dressed and give them some 1:1 time? Or something that she wouldn't normally do with you, so it's special for them.

I know exactly what you mean about just wanting your dh to take over at the weekend, by Friday I want to hand the 3 of them over and go to bed!

sorry, yeah swimming is a good idea, and also she loves to play football at the park which is a good 1 for daddies! dh will prob have some ideas for what he wants to do. Thanks for your suggestions x