I don't know what to do, need help

[DaddyDjango]

Long time reader but first time poster.

We have a beautiful 16Mth old Son named Noah, he is being raised Bilingual as his Mother is Macedonian and I am British and we live mainly in Macedonia so he attends a Private Bilingual Nursery.

He is Walking and talking and generally a great little boy.

This brings me to my current challenge and would be great to hear from other that are or have experienced this in the past.

Since Noah was born he has always preferred me to his mummy, its always been me that can calm him and only me that he wants to play with or sit with, we are a partnership in our marriage so the not so fun tasks are handled by both of us so i am not just a fun play time daddy.

We have tried me only doing the “mean” stuff like changing him or pumping his nose or cutting nails (which he hates!!) but he still only comes to me for affection.

We have tried my wife being only Fun mummy and daddy being disciplinarian and more distant but it only seems to make him want me more, recently he has also started smacking his mother when she try’s to hold him.

We have tried only mummy collecting him from nursery and taking him on fun trips to the zoo and park but the second i come in to the picture he instantly goes back to only daddy.

This has taken a quite strong toll on our relationship as my wife seems to resent me for our son favouring me, my wife is constantly in tears by his behaviour towards her and i don’t know what to do.

I cant bring myself to not play or calm him when its needed he is my son after all but i also cant bear to witness the pain it causes my wife.

i want to also add that my Wife is an incredible mother and a wonderful and caring person that knows deep down i am not to blame.

Please help if you can

Thanks you

We're just bumping this for you, @DaddyDjango

Hi, we have a similar (ish) situation. My son prefers his nan and auntie as they are the fun ones have a lot of patience with him a they look after him a few times a week while I’m at work, he used to kick me when it was home time and scream to the point of being sick, I was in tears all the time. It has got a little better but not much but I got to the point where I avoided going to my mums as I didn’t want the heart ache but then I realised he does love me but he does take me for granted I’m the one that’s always there doing everything for him. I honestly believe in time he will see what a great Mum I am like your son will with your wife. For now I would share everything equally so he does not resent either of you. Can I ask what your situation is, do you both work?

thanks for replying

We both do work yes, but saying that we both have a strict no bringing work home with us as that's family time.

The issue is that he only wants me no matter what we do and my wife is always left on the side lines.

If i try and involve my wife in on a game for example Noah decides to just hide from her.

Really at a loss

just so your aware we have tried

1. Me not engaging at all
2. Mummy being only fun mummy
3. Only mummy feeding
4. Only mummy picking up from school and Daddy dropping off
5. Only daddy picking up and only mummy collecting
6. Only using one langue (english and macedonian)
7. Mummy giving new toys
8. Daddy going away for 2 days
9. Mummy going away for 2 days

But nothing has worked he is almost 18mths now and he has yet to even give his Mum a hug

Its so sad

I was wondering if your wife worked part time and therefore she spent more time with him so it’s a treat for him to be with you. I would say for now if he likes being with you let him don't force it, he is still only very little, at this age they do usually prefer one parent over the other, I know I did when I was young! What I would say is every week your wife has a fun morning with him, go to a play centre, park and do this every week, don’t stop doing it. Children are very volatile at this age, mine certainly is, my son is now 3 and I can say that things make me sad to make him understand that his actions can upset me (it’s not a guilt trip I just want him to be conscious that things he’s say and does can upset people) your son is too young to understand so let him have you as his favourite, it won’t be forever. My cousins son wouldn’t even let his dad put his shoes on without screaming as he wanted his mum to do it but now he’s older he’s loves them both equally. It will just take time, also if you are playing a game say we all play or we don’t play the game and over time you can say we can’t leave anyone out as that’s not nice. Children at this age have very little emotional intelligence, it’s a skill they will learn over time. Please tell your wife she is not alone, it’s rubbish for now but it will not last. My husband always says to me “your my favourite” it’s because I cook him his tea 😂