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Teen experimenting with weed

3 replies

username198372 · 15/11/2019 16:12

Please help, desperate and worried mum here. For the past few months me and DH are battling with DS's (15) new "hobby" - getting stoned..smoking weed and skunk! He thinks he is so cool, and most of his friends too! It drives me completely mad and makes me monstrous angry. I have zero tolerance to drugs, never tried them, don't like them and had a bad case in my family so I have seen very closely how ones life are being destroyed. Seeing DS coming home stoned its hard enough, but when he brings the stuff home I completely lose it. He is pretty stupid to think he can get away with it, or hide it, you can smell the shit from miles away! We talked to him about the whole thing endlessly, the risks.. in particular because he is also ADHD and takes medication to balance brain activity We get angry..he gets occasionally grounded if we is caught.. phone taken away.. no more pocket money..shredded his bank card and even exposed him and some of his friends by talking to their parents openly and honestly about what the kids are doing which was much appreciated. I know I sound completely hysterical but I really don't have the patience for this behaviour, we are both hard working professionals with busy lives, we do a lot for and with our kids so no space in my head and soul for letting DS burn his school years on being stoned. We pay a lot of money for his education, which we don't really have, but due to SEN we just had too. NOTHING works and what is really upsetting is how bold he is in smoking in the house sometimes when he knows perfectly well he will get caught! We even wonder if this is now border addiction but how do we know for sure? It is certainly not a daily thing, I'll say once every two weeks, and mainly on weekends as we really insist on him coming home straight from school. He suppose to be doing his homework but zero motivation. The thought of him possibly rubbing shoulders with dealers on the street, it is just too much for me with all the knife crime and stories about synthetic drugs mixed with weed which linked to psychotics. Worse of all, god knows where the money comes from?? We did catch him stealing money from the house in the past although that seems to have stopped, as not found new evidence..so what is going on?? DH is slightly more understanding as he grow up in London and was smoking himself at a similar age, but obviously worried and frustrated too. We also have a younger DC and the last thing I need is them becoming part of this stress. I suspect one of his friends as being the source (or at least one of them) and so I decided to speak to his mum but she came across as a bit weak and in complete denial. I am really concerned DS may be under pressure, he would not say a word of where he gets it from!! Did anyone have a similar experience, going through it or can offer good advice? How do we know he is safe? How do we watch for signs of addiction? What can I do to really scare him? sorry, it is so late and I am tired and realised my story is jumping all over the place but thank you for reading and leaving a comment.

OP posts:
alice08 · 21/04/2020 23:48

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Jannt86 · 22/04/2020 08:16

It's easy to say weed isn't that bad until you've seen a family member's life wrecked by it and the lives of their immediate family too. It's not just something teenagers do. I never did and most of my friends never did. I wouldn't tolerate him stealing your cash or anything else. You have to give him a safe space to return home to but I would ensure that there are definite natural consequences for his behaviour too. I wouldn't give him a penny until he spends it responsibly and if he steals I would find a way of making him pay back that money. This could either be in the form of removing items at home eg a computer or in the form of serving him only something bog standard and cheap for his meals eg beans on toast until the debt is repayed. 15 is a tough age as they're
brinking on adulthood but whether he likes it or not he is still a child and you're responsible for him so if he can't make responsible choices about who he hangs put with and what he does with his time then you will have to stop him going out because you're his mum and you love him and it's still your job to keep him safe. If he can show that he can make adult decisions and keep himself safe then he gets adult privledges... simple. Be kind, try and be collaborative but be firm and please nip this in the bud NOW whilst he is still a child. It's not ok and yes some people smoke a bit of weed as kids and turn out fine but others ruin their lives. PS please don't listen to the above PP telling you to beat your kid up. They're probably trolling and it's not the answer. Good luck xx

Kahlua4me · 22/04/2020 08:29

We have been in the same situation with ds.

Ds And his best friend started doing drugs with a new group of friends. I knew something was going on but it took me a while to “catch him”.

Anyway, once we figured it out I rang his friends parents and we had a meeting with them the next day to decide how to handle it together. The boys were grounded for a month and had their phones taken away too. We gave ds a really old basic phone in case of emergencies getting to school etc and no xbox or PlayStation either.

We kept talking with him throughout this time to find out why he was doing it and what he wanted to happen in his life. We were quite calm and did listen to him.

Eventually I also sorted out some counselling for him as things came out of our chats that he needed professional help with and he seems far happier now and content with life.

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