Is this extreme behaviour or is it normal to live under the tyranny of a 1 year old?

[artichokes]

DD is just one. She was an easy little baby but now she has an incredibly strong will. If she does not want to do something she screams and screams. She currently hates being restrained (e.g. car seat or pushchair) and as soon as she is strapped in she throws a tantrum. Sometimes she can be distracted with food but sometimes she just screams and if ignored this can go on for 20 minutes. Sometimes she kicks and hits me when I try to calm her.

She might be in a fab mood, e.g. playing with her dad on the floor, then he stands up and she screams 'til he returns to her level. She was BLW but occassionally when out and about I try to feed her and she goes ballistic and it is almost impossible to calm her. During nappy changes she screams, goes rigid, flips over... anything to stop the change happening.

Most of the time she is gorgeous, smiley, engaging, social and happy. But when she is bad she is very, very bad.

She is just one, what will she be like when she hits the terrible twos????

i think whoever coined the phrase terrible twos never had children. my ds is 16 months and started head banging a couple of months ago. (thankfuly he seems to have stopped that now - he now prefers pinching!)

you're not alone. there are loads of threads about similar types of behaviour and the general consensus seems to be its frustration.

just hope they grow out of it fairly quickly

Mine at 13 months old is also like this. Nappy changing is a two person job, and she has a habit of pushing her chin out, to make her look even more determined....

She is learning she is a separate person and has a whole new set of development going on and doesn't know how to deal with them. Be firm with her about what is and isn't acceptable and think about dropping the food as distraction. mixed messages perhaps? Good luck.

Also my dd drops all finger food on floor (on purpose, watching you as she does it). Am sick to teeth of it, have tried ignoring it, but makes no difference.

Any advice

Dropping food on the floor is good. It is all part of their development. Use a splat mat so you can give her the food back to eat and just carry on ignoring it.

oh god... this is bringing back memories. dd was a love, apart from at nappy changing times. it was literally a two-man job, despite which her changing table often looked like the site of a prison protest. it was a phase. thank god.

fizzbuzz, nab's right, it's a developmental thing. she's learning about gravity (and how to get on mummy's nerves). it'll pass.

I take it all you parents with children who fight at nappy changing have tried distracting with toys? How about singing in a funny voice? Just do something out of the ordinary, it may buy you long enough to do the necessary.
With mine, they would go in their cot and I would leave the room until they were ready to let me change them

I am glad I am not the only one although I still wonder whether it is normal. At DD's 1st birthday party all the other babies roamed around looking so laid back. But then they were all boys (she is a ladies man). Maybe boys are different.

NAB3 - we have tried all that for nappy changing. Toys, singing, letting her have my phone (usually a sure fire winner), one person kissing her while the other changes her. All to no avail. She is impossible.

How long does this "phase" last?

Sounds just like DS who is 1. Dd was never like this. Ds hates nappy changes or getting dressed and he rolls over leaving me trying to put nappy on back to front and holding his legs at the same time. He has the same temper as your DD too. I spent last week walking around asda with him screaming because he couldnt get what was on the shelves.

Hopefully theyll be better by the age of two

i'm afraid i just elbowed dd in the stomach...

Welcome to motherhood! It doesn't get any better. Terrible twos are better than troublesome threes!! It is just the first step in showing that she is a separate being! It does continue and gets more challenging. Be consistent and firm in dealing with her and avoid eye contact when she plays up and just get on with changing her etc. Play down any attention. It is hard not to react.

Bend in the middle !!!! Terrible twos is just a phrase for the 'point at which they find a personality/resistance'. IMO we should all LOATH and DETEST those people who say it doen't get better. Celebrate this phase... they all do it. I'm old enough to have used the " if u don't get in to the car seat I'll use a MISS PIGGY KARATE CHOP". I'm sure the is an equivalent.

adding I don't destest IMONLYTHEONE - u re just not as old or as experienced as Oddjobgirl

Err - who's the boss?

I think it might be you.

Sort it out or face a lifetime of shit.

Just think of the person that they will grow into if you don't get control of this situation first.

I dont know if this is antimumsnet and I am going to be shot down, but here is how I solved this problem with changinng my dd 1 and 2 nappies. DD1 always wore terry nappies and dd2 used both terries and disposables.

This is for a right handed person just flip for a left hander. Sit on the sofa,make sure everything you need is on the right side of your lap, put your left leg in a quarter to four position (hip bone being quarter to and foot being four) put your right leg in a 25 to 2 position (hip 25 to foot is 2) hold you baby on your lap (head on your leg this position should mean that your baby will not sag in anyway) or on a changing mat on your lap, place your left elbow on the shoulder nearest to you, (obviously dont hurt them just gently restrain them) and hold their feet with your left hand. Then unpin/unsnap the nappy, and clean the mutter of with your cottonwool/wetwipes, place in nappy and put it on the floor on the nappy bag/kitchen roll in a very tight bundle. Make sure the baby is clean and put any creams on and then left the legs and slide the nappy under do up and heh presto. Sorry if I have offended anyone, but you only need to do this (whilst making no eye contact just saying what you are doing) a few times and believe me they soon like to have the eye contact and interaction of a loving nappy change.

I'm with EricL and the girl with no name.

Never ever give in to her tantrums

if she screams when you DH stands up, do not let him sit down again just to keep her quiet

If she rolls when you change her nappy, restrain her, or put her in her cot till she learns to accept it

If she hates being restrained in her car seat then put her in and ignore her screams, they may be 20 minutes to start with, but she'll soon change.

Cardinal Rule

• bad behaviour, no attention
• good behaviour, tons and tons of attention.

If you establish that you are the boss consistently she'll get the idea in a week or two. NEVER show your weakness

Is she your first child? Often first children think they are adults, they don't really have a concept so much that you are in charge and they are not.

Remember, yourself and your DH - YOU are in charge, not her. It may sound cruel now, but she needs boundaries, they will make her happier.

have you tried baby signing? If your lo can communicate with you it can help with frustration issues. We used it with dd1 along with the ignore approach outlined below and she didn't really tantrum (or maybe I'm just lucky, who knows)

As soon as dd was walking I never changed her nappy laying down - if we are at home then I take her to the bathroom she plays with her toothbrush at the sink (standing on a stepstool) while I get on with the change - no problem. I did have difficulties with her until she was able to stand and I use washable nappies so the change can be difficult if I have separate wrap to put on etc.

DD is now 16m and I have to deal with pushchair tantrums etc. but if she is safe then I ignore her and carry on with what I have to do. As I have a 3yo ds as well I cannot pander to her. At the moment her physical abilities are greater than her sense and she wants to do everything her brother does - it is hard but as she gets older it does calm down and you can allow more leeway. There will still be tantrums of course but at least you can discuss things with an older toddler.

agreed, prof yaffle, i think a bit of signing made a big difference with us, and now she can speak it's a lot of fun.

With my children I think it's not my job to make my children stop tantrumming, it's their job to learn how to. My job is to learn how to react when they're playing up.

If they scream because they need to do something like get in a car seat, leave somewhere. Then ignore the screaming and try to carry on what you're doing, pretending you don't really care about it & mildly unimpressed. I say pretend because of cause screaming for 20 mins is incredibly irritating .

I personally have found going overboard on things like distracting are giveing them the wrong message and the wrong sort of attention.

Things like her trying to dictate what sayher Dad does, again just ignore. Pretend they're not doing it and carry, doing what you wanted and talking to them as you usually would.

I think there are sometimes things you can do to help avoid flash points. EG make sure they're not over tired, over hungry. Set up some sort of distraction before you nappy change. But don't go into distraction, trying to soothe them mode in response to the behaviour. IYSWIM? Both mine I've found pull up nappies better from a year. Little less time having to be on the floor on their backs. Most of the time I sit on them , it's the only way.

They're learning lots at this age about being an individual . Neither of mine would be spoon fed at that age, so when out and about you could start by giving her finger food. She gets some independance, has something to play with and hopefully less likely to kick off. Of course never 100% successful ;)

I agree that now is the time your dd needs to know her boundaries; she can't know them until she goes too far and is shown them, how else can she learn and develop? So, while it is hard on you, it's all NECESSARY iyswim.

Don't be afraid of being strong and ignoring when you need to.

But I don't think it's all black and white, ignore straight away etc...for instance if she creates a fuss when dh stands up, there are other gentler ways to show her the boundary without suddenly and completely ignoring; make sure dh lets her know what's happening "in a minute dd I've got to put the kettle on" then "I'm going to put the kettle on, you put your bricks together and show me!" then if she creates a huge fuss, offer her an alternative. "you can come and play in the kitchen dd" if she chooses not to, off he goes.

I think most scenarios can be dealt with like that, offer a choice if you can, but if they choose to ignore it and tantrum then that's up to them.

I agree with bluebob that you can't stop your child tantruming; you can try to avoid it and distract, but if they're doing it, only they can stop it really.

And they all learn it with time and experience.

With Honoria here.

Think there are ways to prevent most tantrums. My dd (16mth) stamps her little feet and is cross (back arching etc) but hardly ever goes majorly. Got lots more to come!

It's OK for them to be cross that things aren't going their way - that's good (as it shows they are aware). I always try to be polite and considerate to my dd (obv I am the boss. That goes without saying). So I don't yank her away from things without warning. I tell her what I expect from her and give her a chance to do it, eg 'when we get to the end of the park, Im going to put you in your pushchair' yields beter results than just shoving her in when we get there. Or I tell her if I am going to the kitchen or getting my tea etc. One year olds understand a lot more than you think.

RE nappy changing. I do understand, dd is a BIG wriggler and has had two major 'don't change my nappy' periods - and whenever she has a nappy rash its hard!!. I use 'stay there' while holding her (gently) so she knows she can't go anywhere (I ignore her strop), then as soon as she has stopped moving and got the message, I do the nappy with all the singing and dancing happy malarky. I refuse to do it while she wriggles!

I really think you don't have to be nasty when being firm. You ARE the boss already, just make sure you tell her what will happen, let her be cross/upset/sad/frustrated (ignore or sympathise whatever it needs). Then distract or do something happy together - 'oh! what's THAT?' (then find something). Don't forget to praise when she is doing what you want.

I agree - you've just got to get through this phase and emerge in control. With mine it got easier nearer 2 when they could cope with some simple reasoning and understand what was going to happen before it happened.

It's a shock when they start to assert themselves. I've always ignored the tantrums. If my 17 months old doesn't want to eat what I give her and throws it on the floor, then she can sit in her highchair and scream but she's not getting a different meal. I'm not doing choo choo trains and distracting her into eating as this all becomes part of the entertainment.

I think your dd sounds very normal - it's how you react that makes a difference. My SIL's 1 year old was starting to dictate everything and SIL was doing anything to stop the crying. We saw them again recently and the little darling (now almost 2) is totally ruling the roost, to the point of stating she will only eat ice cream for dinner!

agree with everything that's been said on here so far - but i do also find that giving them a warning works well.

e.g. "in a minute, i'm going to change your nappy. can you get the mat?" "after this swing it's time to go home in the pushchair"... etc. if you just try to yank them from what they're doing it's no wonder they get upset. treat them as if they understand, because they probably do, or will do very quickly if you let them know what's coming next.