advice please on 3.5yo who is pushing and hitting

[jude555]

my DS is 3.5yo and he is hitting and pushing other children. He is basically a very good boy. Pretty easy going and compliant. A bit tantrumy but not too bad. Sometimes he hits out(hard) in frustration - he always admits it. Othertimes he wants to do boisterous play and pushes others in the hope they will push him back. He is extremely lively. All his playmates tend to play nicely and get upset and scared of him. We have stopped him hitting us. and we are always consistent naughty step/ in room. try not to shout. discuss it with him. role play. I tried to do reward stickers today to have a more positive approach, but he decided he didnt want the stickers, even though he has always enjoyed praise/stickers before. He is about to start the nursery attached to his school and I am really worried the children will be scared of him and the parents won't want their chilren to play with a 'bully'. what if he really hurts someone? I know it doesn't sound like it but he is a really sweet, loving and generally easy little boy. I don't understand why this problem isnt going away? (He talks well and can express himself)

any reassuring advice really appreciated.

You say he talks well and can express himself - does he with other children? If he pushes them to initiate a game then you could perhaps work on his social skills. Do you know any 4/5yo old boys that could come for playdates and take the lead? Or have other friends round and 'demonstrate' how it's done by playing with them all.

Does he have ample opportunity to work off his energy in a positive way? Long daily walks, obstacle courses (make it up in the park), gymnastics club, swimming etc.

Personally I don't do play-fighting with my 4yo DS - he does this with other boys at pre-school and then comes home and continues 'playing' it with his younger sister. He stops when told to but will do it again another day.

Speak to the pre-school supervisor when he starts so they can monitor the behaviour and head it off/be prepared for it.

Hope that's some help. But do bump the thread in the morning!

Hi. You could easily be describing my DS - same age, same challenging characteristics. He pushes other children in the hope that they will chase him or get into some type of physical play with him.

Bottom line is he loves physical contact and is extremely sociable.

I think I need to find ways of helping him to express it appropriately. Maybe pre-school will help because he will have to learn very quickly what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour in certain situations, and beyond that I am looking for a rugby or football club that takes 3 year olds!

thanks for the advice, he certainly gets lots of exercise and we dont encourage play fighting either. im feeling really stressed by the whole thing.

puddle - it would be worth contacting your nearest leisure/sports centre and see if they run classes. I have a friend who's DS has been at footie club since he was 3.

jude - your DS may improve his behaviour when he starts the nursery - not because the staff are better at disciplining or managing him but because you can never emulate at home the opportunities of nursery - lots of play, lots of children, lots of learning and a fixed routine. And if it's a phase then it's usually only a few months (eek!) before it passes and they learn to do something else annoying