Hitting at preschool!

[frazzledhead]

Hi all, I'm completely baffled by my LO behaviour at preschool and hoping someone can help or advise.
He has often had to be told to use kind hands and up until around 3-4 weeks ago he was doing really well and thriving. Something all of a sudden changed in him and he started being stubborn - refusing to clean up or do little things he was asked, hitting others again and not playing nicely with others.
It seems that every day I am collecting him and the staff are telling me he has been hitting or lashing out at others and today out of nowhere he has even scratched one poor child.
His behaviour at home is never this bad, and its certainly not behaviour he sees at home.
I have asked the staff to monitor him properly and figure out why he does it.
His communication isn't brilliant for his age and I have often put his hitting down to the fact he wasnt able to verbally express that he didnt like something but his speech has improved and he now can say he doesnt want to do things or if he doesnt like things so this isn't washing with me now.
I feel like I'm the only one and on one occasion I was told that I he is the only child behaving in this way which obviously makes me feel even worse and that I am failing him as a parent.

I have tried to talk to him about his behaviour but he doesn't listen and doesnt tell me why he has acted in the way he has. I just dont know what to do any more.

I've involved the health visitor but when I did hos behaviour had massively improved and its gone backwards again.

✕
ADVERTISEMENT

Yesterday 23:24BackforGood

Arrange a meeting with the SENCo and his key worker.
See if they can keep some really good records over a week - what time of day does it happen? what is he doing just before it happens,? and what happens (how do they respond) when he has done it ? What activities does it happen during? Or is it at tidy up time ? Or when directed to do something by an adult? Or when there is a bit of crowding (say when all go over to get their coats on) ? Or if another child picks up something he was using ?

What stage is his language at now ?

Have they assessed his understanding of language as well as you noticing he has had a difficulty with his expressive language?

Oh, and how old is he?

Today 05:37frazzledhead

He's 3 and a half now.

He is able to say that he doesnt like things and can easily tell people no, and stop that.

I've asked what it is that seems to trigger it and they keep saying I don't know.

I feel like I'm going round in circles with them by keep asking what it is that's setting him off but they've said they dont know. One did say she thinks he likes his own space and she took him out on his iwn to play and run around and she had no other issues with him after that but I'm staring to think he needs some more one on one time with the staff and for him to be fully observed

What I cannot understand with many childrens difficulties on MN, is when they mention poor behaviour, which could be defiance, swearing, shouting, hitting etc, the method used in dealing with it is missing. You said you have tried talking to him, well he's 3 and a bit, I didn't understand much of anything until I was 7, what if anything has been done to show him his behaviour is not acceptable? It is true that being asked to clean up may require some encouragement, but failure to do what he is told, and hitting has consequencies, and just talking about it is unlikely to bring about a change in behaviour.

He has been put in time out, and when you ask why he's been put in time out or on the step and he will say for hitting and he will say sorry to the person and will acknowledge he has been naughty but doesnt seem to care about the consequences.

It is a misconception that time-out offers any sort of a consequence or punishment. Time out is for an over exuberant child, a child with high spirits or not wanting to share. Children under five have very little understanding of the word sorry, some will not say sorry at all, even if they are on the naughty step for a long time, some say sorry and again it is a word they have been asked to repeat. You must find something that will have an impact, give the children behaving nicely something he would like if he wasn't on the naughty step, or take away something he really likes, give it back before he gets too upset, and tell him, hitting will not be tolerated, and if he does it again he loses it for the whole day. It has to have an impact, or you might as well give up.

That's all well and good at home but I have no control over how they deal with it at nursery. We have had a friend stay with us this weekend and only once over the whole weekend did he have to be reminded to be kind with his hands. He knows why he is being put into a time out situation and he can still see others playing etc and obviously he doesn't like it, and he is stopped from going back to the same situation he was in play wise so that he knows he can't just say a word and go back to how it was.