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Two year old separation anxiety... Finding it tough

5 replies

Duggeeismysaviour · 25/10/2019 16:45

My ds1 is just 2, and he has just developed marked separation anxiety. He had the usual small upsets when we left the room etc at maybe 8 months, but what had shocked me is how suddenly and markedly this has come on. Everything I read seems to say it peaks at 18 months and starts to fade at 2, so I'm concerned. And emotionally exhausted. I know he can't help it, but the severe reaction when myself or his father leave the house (or even a room!) is heart wrenching. It feeld like a cloud is hanging over me. We do our best to love him, hold and reassure, but also be very much positive and business as normal with regards to departures. I'm not letting him see my worry or distress--well I try. But it's upsetting and suffocating. He now clings to me when my mum is over, as he seems to be taking her being here as a cue that I'm leaving. Can't be fun for her. She had been his primary care giver when I'm at work.

This all seemed to start when he began a few mornings a week at a lovely little nursery in sep. Feels like more than coincidence, he just doesn't seem to settle there. Which blindsided me as he is such a confident little boy. That said, we have had a couple of weeks off and the anxiety continues. So I'm not sure whether to take him out and wait for a bit. Feeling a bit emotional and stressed about it all, especially as dc 2 due in just over a month.

I love him dearly, I know he must hate feeling like this, but I feel like it's unintentional emotional blackmail and I'm running on empty here... Even the thought of popping to the shops and leaving him with mum is causing me mild anxiety now

Tell me this will pass??

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Kiki12 · 25/10/2019 19:39

Hi,
Unfortunately I dont have any words of wisdom. But I came on here as I am experiencing a similar thing. My babe is 2 and a half and started nursery in September. He is not as extreme as yours so I absolutely feel for you.
My boy is only clingy to me now (he has never been bothered before about being separated) he will literally kick daddy if he tries to take over or give me a break!
My MIL is here at the moment for a sleepover to try and give me a break. She is his favourite person and he is not interested at all I've had to put him to bed.
I think I would be able to deal with it more if it wasn just the day time but he calls for me all night too!
I guess we have to think one day we will probably have to remind them to call us and we will miss being needed. I can't imagine it but I'm pretty sure that will happen!
Your not alone I'm with you. Xxxxx

Duggeeismysaviour · 25/10/2019 21:45

Oh thank you for replying, I'm so sorry you're in the same position but it really helps to feel like I'm not alone! It's really upsetting when it happens all day every day, I find myself now trying to plan in how i will best leave him/say goodbye (ie walking out door vs going to park with him and mum, then saying bye there). Its ridiculous and exhausting. I dread things that should be normal daily activities. I need to remember this won't be forever and continue to give him all the support he needs so I don't break his trust (eh sneaking out while he isn't looking), as I believe that this will get him through the phase faster?! Please let me know how you're getting on!

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twirlywhoo · 25/10/2019 22:05

Yep same here and it is hugely guilt inducing as I only ever leave her to go to work and feel awful and that I'm neglecting her. I am really hoping that it eases soon. One thing that really helps is a short goodbye. The longer it takes the worse it is. So I do a cheery good bye and sail off. My SIL said her kids had it until they were 3-4 so I'm not giving up hope yet.

Notodontidae · 26/10/2019 12:08

I remember hearing a story about a 5YO in the 50s that was taken to school screaming that she didn't want to be left there. At 5YO with some sensitive pre-school at 4YO most children adapt to being left. It seems quite sad to me that children get put in pre-school so early, the close bond of the mother and child are so important. That said, children dont normally cry for long after being left, especially when encouraged to play by a sensitive carer. I recently met a 25YO with anxiety issues, preventing her from driving, going on buses, going on aeroplanes, etc. It could be that your DS has similar issues, that has nothing to do with pre-school, but to do with anxiety, will he play in a separate room with another child his age?

Notodontidae · 26/10/2019 12:10

If he could play with a child from playgroup in your home, it may help him adapt when he is left at school.

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