crying at the drop of a hat

[elfsmum]

Hi

sorry if this one has been done before.

my DS1 has always been a "cryer" - in that his first response to an issue, if he's angry, if he's upset, if he doesn't get his own way etc he cries.

He's 7.

We try to get behind the issue that is bothering him by talking to him.

Dad talked to him this morning and said "we know you are upset but we need you to talk so we can understand and make it better" he seemed to understand then sat at the breakfast table and started to cry as he didn't want cheese with his breakfast.

(He's gone off cereal so he's having a breakfast of fruit, meat, cheese, yoghurt and fruit juice)

any ideas on how to break the cycle of crying for what appears to be no reason - obv he's upset but it's not an escalation to tears - it's tears straight away

oh and DS5 is copying he makes the crying and whinging noises but with no tears

My DD who is 4 is the same, anything that's not quite right she starts crying about it. I have tried telling her I won't put it right until she speaks properly and tells me what she wants nicely and it works for about 5 mins and then we're back to square one. It is very frustrating and is not very good for my relationship with DD as it usually starts literally first thing in the morning as soon as she wakes up about something or the other and I'm not good in the mornings as it is but to start the day with her whinging is just the pits.

Sorry not to be of any real help, but will watch this thread with interest!

My nan would have done the old "stop skrieking or I'll blardy well give you something to skriek for!"

Ah the good old days...

He sounds like a sensitive wee soul. Sorry no advice but I'll be watching the thread too

Dont know if it'll work or not but have you tried ignoring his crying?? If he sees that crying for "no reason" gets him nowhere, perhaps he will realise that he may as well give up?!

yep and it works for that instance but doesn't resolve it ongoing.

have tried the tips from my childcare books, getting him to talk about how he's feeling and how he feels about crying etc etc.

must confess have used nan's tip too - btw to no avail so hasn't been used again !

is it inherited ? I used to get called beaker off the muppets as apparently I was always whinging as a child

even now I cry very easily, when I'm angry, upset, have been shouted at, when I'm sick

maybe he just gets it from me and it'll get better as he gets older - but it's tiring

I think what your DH said this morning was absolutely spot on "We understand you're upset but we need you to talk so we can understand and make it better". Perfect. I think I would say that, then ignore, basically. Just keep faith that that's a good approach I think. It's understanding, kind, and not belittling of his feelings, but it's also showing him that it gets him nowhere.

What I like about that approach is it's putting the onus on HIM. You can't stop him crying, only he can do that. If he wants to get listened to, get help, then he will have to make that effort to contain himself and to talk.

I'm sure it will change with maturity. 7 yr old boys can be very 'little' still.

I've got one a bit like this. I've been thinking about it in light of your post and I've decided to start star-charting (my weeper is also very goal-oriented). Every day we don't have whinging, she can have a star. If she gets a week's worth (God, imagine!), I'll get her a worthless piece of tat that'll float her boat

In the past with her I've found the mere mention of the starchart can help her to focus on the task at hand (I did it for a while to help her to get up/dressed for school quickly without fuss, it did work). The problem is remembering it when that noise starts... and not losing rag