Why does nursery turn my child into a miserable grumpy girl?

[Worrywart21]

I went back to work last year when she turned 2. It was full time but she was only in nursery 2 days. She used to cry going in but was generally ok but when I collected her she was a different child. Screaming, crying, throwing things. Generally miserable. I stopped the full time job as it was too much to juggle and I decided to wait until she was older until I started working again.

She went back to being stable, happy and not miserable within weeks of stopping nursery.

She has just turned 3 and has started her school nursery but the same thing has happened. She begs me not to go to nursery but seems happy whilst she’s there. When she’s not there, even on the weekend and days when I keep her off, she’s absolutely miserable. Everything is a problem and she’s really grumpy and unpleasant to be around. I know it can be normal 3 year old behaviour but without nursery she’s so pleasant, calm and happy.

I’m not sure why it is. She’s not over-tired as she’s stopped napping a while ago so she has the same amount of sleep if not more now she’s started.

In one hand I know it’s good for her development to go to a nursery setting but on the other hand I don’t know if she’s still too young for it. I think she’s overwhelmed with it.

The nursery she attends really push for full attendance. So today she’s miserable and begging not to go, so I’m going to keep her off and do a nice day just me and her. But I know the nursery don’t like it.

Also I live in an area where funded hours are 30 hours for 3 year olds (9-3 Monday to Friday). Whilst settling in she done 9-1 but she’s done 2 full days this week and is so different. I feel like I’m losing my happy child.

should I continue to push on and hope she will adjust or wait until she’s a bit older (but lose her nursery space?

Maybe it's the nursery itself, is it possible to change to a different nursery? or is it possible to cut her hours? 9-3 does sound like very long days, maybe 9-12?

It probably is tiredness as in over stimulation. Too much going on, too many variables. My DS is the same loves it when there, so happy when I see him playing before pick up, reluctant to leave, but 10 minutes later bam grumpy, whinging and poor behaviour. Can affect part of weekend too or days off. He only does 13 hours a week. I think it's down to personality, he's quite shy so I think it's more effort for him to be in a big group. I'd say some preschool is good, full days sound too much at the moment, I'd build up gradually. It's hard work. I think at 3 they probably do still need a short naps, but they don't feel like switching off so you have the pushing through the pain of being on the go all day.