Very Stubborn 18m son

[Minaadris]

I have a 18 month old son and lord is he a stubborn one. He gives me anxiety at times I'm suprised I'm not depressed.

I'm a stay at home mum and so I deal with my son 24 7. His daily activities Include trying to take the trash out from the bin. Going into my pots and pan draws and taking them all out, scattering them everywhere. Going to the toilet and messing around with water and the toilet seat 😩😩😩😩😩 when I tell him "no" he will carry on despite me calling out his name and telling him to stop.

I'll then have to take him out the toilet or stop him from doing whatever hes doing then hell run back and do it again when I'm not looking. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Its tiring and I want to know how to get him to listen to me. He wont listen to me at all but is more afraid of his father.

Also I've been dealing with verbal abuse from my DH everytime we argue and he does and says things in front of him.

Does that affect my son and how he perceives me. Is that why he wont listen to me.

Hes become so very stubborn.

The activities that he does, while they can create mess, is exactly what you want him doing and some are even development stages, it would be more concerning if he was not doing them - for example, taking the trash out of the bins could be classified as functional play (he must have seen you doing it), and his motivation to explore his surroundings and take things out of cupboards, etc are exactly what he needs to be doing at this age for his development and he will continue to do if he is able to do it. Are you not able to use safety gates in doors frames to limit his movement into certain rooms like the kitchen?

As for his understanding, I think you are expecting too much, at 18M his understanding will be limited and his impulses to do certain things will be much greater than your pleas for him to stop - in time he will learn to control these impulses and improve his self control but at the moment I do not think I have seen many 18M olds listen/obey every time to their parents when they are saying "no" to stop them doing something that they clearly enjoy, if they only listen sometimes then that would more than what is expected at this age.

When you say that your DS is more afraid of your DH, it is unlikely that he is listening to him either but more reading his tone of voice and cues as they are very perceptive to this. Though not sure how healthy it is that a child is 'scared' of their father..... If your son hears your DH shout at you often, the expectation would be that he will eventually start shouting at you too (using the same words that your DH uses), as he will very quickly learn that what your DH does is expected and normal behavior - copying what he sees is how he learns at this age and he will introduce these learnings into his play and every day life (it is called functional play).

@Aladdinmum that was such great help and information. Kind of needed that as I'm a first time mother living in a small studio hostel. I buy him all the toys but now my place is getting cramped up and he doesnt like playing with his own toys.

As for copying behaviours that's kind of worrying I dont want him picking up his Ds behaviour at all. Sigh. I know you probably will ask me about housing. I've tried with the council and all and they just seem to shrug their shoulders. Will be moving out by next yeah just cant afford to right now. So I tend to take him to day care n nurseries so he can have some fun social and functional life. Hes very energetic and social and I dont want that to disappear I just dont want him messing around in the small space we have not safe and ideal to play around in. He claims on fridges and sinks tries to take cutlery out. Haha boys are something