Nursery wants to contact HV about 15mo not eating whilst there

[FTMF30]

When I went to pick DS up from nursery on Monday, the nursery manager pulled me aside to say she's concerned about DS not eating whilst there.

For context, he started nursery in July and goes two days a week from 9-5. The mealtimes there mean he's there for lunch and tea/snack at 3pm. Most days I go to collect him, he won't have eaten all his lunch or tea. Sometimes he'll have had half his lunch, rarely he'd have eaten all of it. Same goes with tea.

So when the nursery manager was speaking to me, she asked how he eats at home. I said fine mostly, sometimes he is fussy. In fact his fussiness at mealtimes only begun since starting nursery. She also asked about his weight and I said he's gaining at a steady pace. He hovers around 2nd centile but there have never been concerns when he's been weighed (last weigh in happened to be about 2 weeks ago while being tested for egg and dairy allergy).

I couldn't really offer reasons why DS was not eating there but they also mentioned he seems to be tired by mid morning. Again, I didnt know why this is as he's fine at home.

She said they'll keep an eye on things, but if it continues, they may contact a HV. I said that's fine but it's left me feeling a little deflated. I also don't understand how the HV would help in this situation. Am I being a bit over sensitive? He's well looked after at home. He is very small for his age but is in good health? I think it's his smallness that is the driving factor for their concerns, which really irritates me as I feel it'll be a common theme for him growing up.

[HennyPennyHorror]

Well 2nd centile is very small isn't it...below that and he'd be malnourished so I think they're doing the right thing in showing concern.

They could have asked you if you'd contacted a HV or doctor about it before deciding to contact one themselves...but that might just be their protocol...if they have concerns it's better to be safe than sorry.

Are you and his Dad small? Have you spoken to anyone professional about his weight?

[FTMF30]

I'm of average height (5'5) and his dad is a little on the small side (5'8). Both of average weight.

Yes, 2nd centile is small but the fact is that someone has to be 2nd centile or it wouldn't be placed on the chart. I have been told time and time again that anywhere on the chart is normal and, as long as he is following his own curve, he is fine.

I take him to get weighed frequently enough for his age and he's just seen a paediatrician and dietician about his allergies. He had to be weighed at this appointment and they were fine with his weight and length.

I feel him not wanting to eat is more of a behavioral/emotional issue. So how can a HV help?

[AladdinMum]

Have you measured his height? the ratio between weight and height could give a better picture of things, for example, if he is also shorter than average then it would explain the weight to some extent, but for example, if his height was in the 50th percentile or above then I agree that his weight does sound on the very low side.

[FTMF30]

His height is 2nd centile too. I didnt think it was such a big deal to be a low centile.

I also saw that it's pretty normal for babies not to eat a nursery for a good while.

[AladdinMum]

I guess with a height in the 2nd centile too then it is consistent with it's weight - I don't think there is too much to worry about, like you say, he is just a small baby.

[HennyPennyHorror]

What was his birth centile?

[FTMF30]

@HennyPennyHorror He was 9th centile at birth for both weight and weight, then dropped soon after and has since stayed between 2nd and 9th for weight and 0.4th and 9th for length.

I had been concerned about his centiles for a while but every professional I'd seen had assured me his measurements are fine. He is healthy, is on the chart and follows his curve. So this has just set my confidence back. Maybe I'm being over sensitive as the basis of the nursery's concerns were him not eating. They just happened to ask about his weight. But what use would a HV be in a baby not eating at nursery?

[Itishottoday]

As long as they follow the centile that is fine. I had this with my ds when he was a similar age and on that centile. We saw a paediatrician due to unrelated issues and questioned it at the time. He has always been healthy which is the important thing.
He became less fussy as he got older and is now average centile many years later.

[june2007]

How about contacting the HV yourself on your terms and get some advice/reassurance then you can go back to nursery and say what the HV has said to you. It looks like you are being proactive and will come across that you are taking this seriously.

[FTMF30]

Thanks @itishottoday for the reassurance. It's nice to know his centile averaged out. I obviously love my DS no matter what size but I have a niggling concern that him being small and Male will cause some aggro growing up.

@june2007 That is a good idea! I'll give HV a call tomorrow. She was lovely in the early days and I haven't contacted her much since. But I'm sure she'll settle my worries.

[Itishottoday]

I understand the worry. Comments from others do not help either at times.

[Loops81]

It's really stressful when other people raise concerns about your baby's weight. (I bet you're used to people commenting on it a lot - I know this one well having had two smallish babies!). Like you said, as long as he's steady on his centile there's nothing wrong with being on the 2nd. Some kids just have small appetites - as long as he's being offered plenty of good food, there's no need to worry unless they're tired/pale/listless. I'd be asking the nursery questions about mealtimes - are there lots of distractions or are they putting pressure on him to finish his food rather than letting him eat at his own pace? Go along with the HV thing if you have to, but don't let it worry you.

[FTMF30]

@Loops81 Yes, his size is often mentioned by others. One of my friends call him "little [his name]" much to my annoyance.

You're definitely right in asking more questions about mealtime whilst there. I asked them a bit at his last drop off and suggested more things to try. I also took some pictures and details of how he eats meals at home so they can try to d a little similar.

Thanks for the suggestion!