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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

MILs who have em!

20 replies

newy · 10/08/2007 11:20

Please say if I'm over reacting. Went to MIL's at w/e and she kept saying DH and her would take DS out to give me a rest. Didn't particularly want a rest in her empty house and was reluctant anyway due to searing heat. They only said they were popping to shop so thought they would be 10 minutes. Came back over an hour later. I couldn't contact them as DH didn't have phone. They had gone out into town and sat outside having a drink (although they did say in the shade). DS was hungry hot and fractious when home and MIL said 'baby's do cry' and wondered off. Especially cry when kidnapped by mad old bint. I managed to grit teeth and not say anything as that's what happens in DH's family. Usually get on ok but that pissed me off. DH said it was a bit thoughtless. Just wanted a rant really.

OP posts:

purplemonkeydishwasher · 10/08/2007 11:22

how old is ds?

Saturn74 · 10/08/2007 11:23

"Especially cry when kidnapped by mad old bint."

Do kidnappings usually involve grandparents taking their grandchildren out for a while to give their mothers a rest?

gringottsgoblin · 10/08/2007 11:23

would suggest dh takes ds on his own if possible in future. would be more angry with dh than mil, but agree she sounds like mad old bint

LucyJones · 10/08/2007 11:29

She doesn't sound like amad old bint at all.
She just wanted to spend some time with her grandchild.
Is he very young?
You sound like everything is getting on top of you tbh.

purplemonkeydishwasher · 10/08/2007 11:31

i think the problem is when they force things on you. "I will take him out. You stay here" making out like they are doing you this huge favour.

the 'baby's do cry' thing is very annoying.

gringottsgoblin · 10/08/2007 11:37

what makes her sound like a mad old bint is the way she went about spending time with her grandchild. newy was pushed out and would have had to be quite rude in order to go with them. also the fact that they went for so long and to do something which sounds rather plesant. why couldnt newy have gone out for a drink aswell? i would have been offended, but then i might be oversensitive as i had a mil who wanted ds all to herself, excelt she pushed her own son out aswell. if ds is old enough suggest leaving him with her while you and dh go out for an hour. then she gets her granny time and you get a proper rest doing something you want to do

Original poster

newy · 10/08/2007 13:35

DS is 4 months. The kidnapping bint part was meant in jest and I'm usually fairly laid back but I think I was a bit anxious because I didn't know where DS was, when he was back and the heat. I know unsolicited comments from grandparents are totally par for the course (she thinks I shouldn't go back to work and disapproved of DS/s name) but only eye rolling annoyances and don't really get to stressed about that. Also, goblin is right, I did feel
I would have to be a bit rude to go with them. I really don't want her to feel left out or that she can't spend time with her grandchild as he's her only one and she is a doting granny which is lovely. I wondered if I could include her more but she lives about an hour and half away and is too nervous to travel so we go as often as we can. (I explored going on my own but public transport was not really feasible and I don't drive). I call her to update her on DS.s progress and send pictures and we gave DS a family middle name (my idea) so not sure what else to do - any ideas gratefully received.

OP posts:

Saturn74 · 10/08/2007 14:18

Ah, I didn't realise your DS was so tiny.
You sound like a lovely DIL, very thoughtful.
The fact that your MIL lives 1.5 hours away, is karma's way of rewarding you for that!

MyMILisDoloresUmbridge · 10/08/2007 14:54

Know how you feel! My MIL always acts like she's my supervisor and that I am somewhat incompetent. She does the same with SIL ( also her DIL). And drops blatant hints about other people who do things better than us i.e she read an article about a professional woman who decided to stay at home to rear her children ( I am a professional women who works 4 days a week) and about a doctor who converted to Catholicism ( She's catholic, I used to be) I could go on but I'd end up taking over your thread!

Original poster

newy · 10/08/2007 15:40

Not just me then! I know its not crime of the century but its good to have a moan now and then. Its much easier to tell your own mother if she's getting out of hand, inlaws you have to be a bit more wary with I find.

OP posts:

crokky · 10/08/2007 16:07

I would have gone beserk if any of the grandparents/step grandparents had announed they were taking a 4 month old away from me for an hour. I was bf at the time so they couldn't have fed LO. Also prone to major crying fits at the time that were only solved by boob!!

Did they have anything to feed him with if he got hungry?

YANBU. I would not be parted from my baby at that age.

Mungarra · 10/08/2007 16:08

My friend's in-laws took her DS out when he was about 6 months old. They said they were going for a little walk and came back FOUR HOURS later. My friend was frantic.

PrettyCandles · 10/08/2007 16:15

You sound like a good DIL. I don't think what your MIL did was OTT, though for a PFB (said without any nastiness intended) it was probably too much for you to take. A shame that you couldn't have gone with them, but your MIL probably now feels very good on several counts: she helped her DIL, she gave her DIL a chance to have a well-earned rest, she had an outing with her dgs, and, quite importantly, she had her gs and her ds with her at the same time - I know that would have made my mum and my MIL preen.

Original poster

newy · 10/08/2007 19:02

No, no food or nappies so if he was hungry/had exploding poo, they would have been screwed. Don't know what a PFB is but not sure I like the sound of it. Will think of it as making MIL happy (so true about having both of them with her!) AND I did the washing up whilst they are gone so I truly am fabulous!

OP posts:

compo · 10/08/2007 19:04

Precious First Born
With the second you will be glad of anyone taking either of them away for an hour

PrettyCandles · 10/08/2007 19:07

'Course you are!

(And, BTW, we all had PFBs once )

cat64 · 10/08/2007 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

sleepfinder · 10/08/2007 20:02

No I don't think you're being unreasonable, it sounds like you were excluded and that your MIL is insensitive. I think in the early months you can be more vulnerable to that, but you're THE MUMMY. so who takes your baby where, is up to you (and your DH of course)...

macmama73 · 10/08/2007 20:59

Your MIL was trying to be nice to you and, if she is anything like my Mum, was dying to meet someone she knew so she could show off her new DC. But, I understand why you got upset.

I had a PFB moment when my DD was 6 weeks old and Mum and Dad took her out for a walk to give me a break. I cried buckets and was sooo nervous that something would happen. They were only out for an hour but it felt like days.

Next time, give her a nappy and a bottle with her (if you are ff) and that way at least you know that she is prepared for everything. It will make you feel better.

SamirsMummy · 11/08/2007 08:56

I completely understand because the same thing happened to me!
Whilst we are basically being irrational (they are with family, no harm can come to them) I also think it is a natural feeling.
I also had this horrible feeling that my baby had been 'taken away from me' when all they wanted to do was give me a rest.
This is partly because I unfortunately cannot stand my MIL!!

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