My baby is difficult, what am I doing wrong?

[Izzystar31]

My DD is almost 9 months, I absolutely love her and when it’s just me and her at home she is great and smiles and plays with me.

However, when we go to someone else’s house, for example my mums, she just gets grumpy and whinges and then cries. She does this at literally every house we go to. I’ve often left friends houses because she’s just screaming and as soon as we get home she’s fine and happy again.
She HATES being held by anyone but me or her dad and sometimes my mum. She just cries on whoever is holding her. She won’t smile at anyone besides me OH and mum. She isnt laughing yet either. I’m wondering if maybe she’s on the Autistic spectrum.

She also a terrible sleeper and has to be rocked, I even tried controlled crying for a week and didn’t see any improvement at all.

Yesterday I saw my friend for the first time in ages and she has a 6 month old DD, she’s never seen me before. She let me hold her, cuddle her and even laughed at me. The whole time we were there she just sat happily in her bouncer and even went to sleep by herself.

Since then I’ve been feeling down, I hate to compare but I can’t help but feel like I’ve gone wrong somewhere, I have a baby who won’t sleep, won’t go to anyone but me, hates anywhere but home and cries a lot.
I absolutely love her and if it wasn’t for the fact I’m going back to work in 2 months I wouldn’t be so worried, but my mum and MIL will be sharing the childcare and I don’t think they realise how difficult she is. MIL has arthritis and I don’t even think she will be able to rock DD to sleep.
I do t really know what I’m asking here, I suppose I’m wondering if anyone can relate? And does it get better? I feel like I have a very high needs baby but am worried it’ll continue into childhood.

Thanks x

Ah I feel similar to you, although our babies do sound a bit different. My 11 month old is definitely high needs. He was hard worm from the moment he was born and was always always the fussy one in every baby class we've been too. He is however a very smiley little boy - when he feels like it. When he's on form, he's the happiest little boy in any room. But when he's not happy... He lets the world know!! He is a great sleeper though thank god! Like you, I'm always amazed when a young baby will just sit contentedly for ages. I've never had that luxury. What I will say, though, is that with every month that has passed my son has become easier. And he was much happier the moment he learned to crawl. I do worry about autism and that he's going to be a difficult child as he grows up too. I think that's a natural worry though brcause weve only seen this side of them so far. But they do change so quickly. And some people I know who had high needs babies now have delightful toddlers... so there is hope!! Finally, my son started nursery 3 weeks ago. I was dreading it. But he's loving it! He settled in really quickly and the nursery staff are really.pleased with him and say he's very happy the majority of the time 🤨 Anyway, hopefully this showed you you're not alone and that there is hope!

Oh bless you - sending you lots of hugs. You are doing nothing wrong!

Remember babies are little humans. They are all different. Some are serious, some are silly - they all have their positives and negatives!

Maybe your baby isn’t used to being in noisy environments where she can’t command your attention. Do you go to soft play at all so she can get used to being in different environments?

In regards to sleeping, try going back to basics. Is she drowsy enough when you put her down? Is the room dark enough? Have you tried white noise? A dummy?

I've had one relaxed, contented 'sitting' baby and one tetchy, irate, nothing-is-right baby. Absolutely no difference in their feeding (same formula), parenting or lifestyle. In fact I was far more relaxed with the more difficult baby as he was my second. What I'm trying to say is, there is nothing you are doing to make your baby difficult.
A good routine, enough sleep and copious snacks help massively, but the main thing is TIME. They grow out of it and you will probably find that your grumpy baby will turn out to be anything but.
My 'hard work' baby is now the absolute light of my life. His sense of humour is magic and he is great company at 3.5. I could quite happy have fast forwarded that first year though [santa]xx

I agree the previous posters, it does sounds like personality and temperament. Some babies are calm and placid, and some are also fidgeting, looking for the next thing, and constantly needing attention (and if they don't have it then they will certainly request it!) - it is definitely nothing that you are doing wrong.