DS crying /not cooperating morning and night. help- I am losing the plot

[moominsmummy]

Following a week off nursery due to illness, DS who is nearly 3 is being totally uncooperative morning and night - he hasn't had teeth cleaned or had a bath in over a week. I am ravaged by guilt that our only time together is spent with tears and threats of naughty step/ being on the naughty step. I am constantly worrying that I am being too lenient - cos we are totally out of any routine now - but then feel really guilty when I try to resume a routine because he won't do anything and just ends up being told off = tears and hysterical crying

it took bloody ages to get him to bed tonight and I still ended up losing it, shouting at him then he was sobbing for ages (I did apologise quite quick and have lots of cuddles)
if i leave him to it he just cries and cries totally heartbroken (not fake attention-seeking or temper crying)

we do have alot on at the moment - grandad in hospital, about to move house etc

am i being too soft or am i being too harsh?
I am certainly being a totally crap mother

I know he is young but have you talked to him about why he is upset? Sit down with him and have a cuddle and tell him you are worried that he is so upset and ask him specific questions about each activity. e.g why don't you want a bath?

You may find he is simply going through a phase or he may be genuinely upset about something - his Grandad or worried about leaving his home for a new one?

He may suprise you.

my ds is 3 in September, he always reacts to illness like this, the illness itself might last a few days but he takes a couple of weeks to get back on track...we are in the same boat as you at the moment as he is post cold and I am full of cold so finding it hard to deal with. I just wake up each day and tell myself I am just going to do my best and that he will probably kick up whether I am getting it perfect or not. It is really really really hard work and all I can say is take one day at a time.