DD (3) tells me off for telling her off!

[Rainatnight]

DD has started this bizarre thing recently of telling me off when I tell her off. She’s 3 (just) and has always been strong willed, though lovely, funny and chatty with it.

For example, we’ve recently introduced a three minute ‘thinking time’ sit on the cushion if she does something really bad (it’s pretty much reserved for the odd occasion when she whacks her toddler brother). The other day, I was telling her off about something and she said, ‘I want you to go over on the grass and THINK about what you did to me’.

When I tell her off, she calls it ‘speaking to me firmly’ (I think because I described it as that one day when she accused me of shouting at her and j said I wasn’t shouting, I was speaking to her firmly!).

When I tell her no, that she can’t have something, and she keeps pushing, she says ‘you’re being very rude to me and I’m speaking to you firmly’.

It’s as though she sees herself as an equal and can dish out discipline too. I feel like sitting down and explaining that it’s only grown ups who do speaking firmly and sitting people on cushions!

Has anyone experienced anything like this before? Any tips?

(It is quite funny and entertaining but on a serious note I do want her to know who’s in charge).

Your daughter sounds hilarious!

Well, she's copying you, completely normal. At least you know she listens to you when you tell her off and understands what causes her to be told off. ;)

I'd just continue what you are doing - telling her it's not her place to tell you off, etc. But don't drag out the explanation, make it short. Also, make sure you really don't do what she gets told off for, like shouting.

Yes, that’s a good point because she’d absolutely pull me up on it!

She is hilarious, I just thought I’d have till she was say, 11 for this kind of backchat.

She’s also a master negotiator - will put forward very well-reasoned alternatives to things I suggest that she doesn’t want to do. And she ends it by sticking her hand out, palm upturned, to one side and saying ‘what about that?’, with her head tilted, which must be something I do.

Following as my DS is a bit like this. He also puts his toys "on the step" and gives them a telling off!

Yep, we get that here too.

And actually I get that, cos it’s good healthy role play/pretend play. I just don’t like it when it’s directed back at me!

I think she's just testing you to be honest. I re read your post and am I right that she's basically mimicking you? Almost sarcastically?! My DS sort of does this sometimes. The sod have you tried ignoring her?

totally normal - and, at least sometimes in my case, justified.

Sometimes, on reflection, I have been known to be unreasonable and her 'instruction' was valid - but mostly not.

She is clearly reasoning and therefore old enough for reason. So you ask her to explain why what she did (or wants to do is reasonable)and then ask her 'So - is that really reasonable?' (or appropriate question). My daughter, by 3 and half, would say. 'Let me sit and think about it.' and would sit with her back to everyone whilst she sorted it out in her mind. Sometimes she would come back and say 'but I was right because ....' and we would discuss it from there, with an occasional rinse and repeat. I was always mostly ok with her working it through this way because she was (and I suspect yours will be) very fair. Sometimes we agreed to differ in opinion ME 'I understand how you are feeling but you still have to ...' it very occasionally still went to meltdown.

Sometimes though it was just 'because I say so' if we didn't have time for the rest

My DD (3) is the same, if I shout at her she has a go at me and tells me to talk to her gently!

Yep. I get “mummy you are so mean to me” and “I’m not your best friend anymore”, when I tell her not to do anything. Depending on what it is I say something like “mummy isn’t being mean, she’s just trying to keep you safe.”