Toddler won’t say I love you

[Spoonsmum]

Basically I have a three year old DD who is refusing to say I love you/ love you too etc , just to ONE of my other kids. She’ll make a game out of it as well, like she’ll list all the people she loves in order and miss my DD (12) out. Or she’ll say “I love.....(big pause) .... my new book”
It upsets my 12 year old massively. And actually out of all the siblings she’s the one i would say plays with the toddler they most and is very kind to her.
I’ve tried explaining to toddler that her behaviour is making her sister v upset and I know she understands what I am saying. She’ll say things like “I will say it when I’m 4”
I can’t make her say it to her sister but it’s so upsetting when she says it to everyone else in the house. Has anyone had any similar experience??

Sounds like your toddler is asserting control over her world, which is normal. Just that the form it is taking is upsetting for your 12yo. Of course, the bigger reaction the toddler gets to her behaviour, the more powerful she will feel.

Explain to your 12yo that your toddler is definitely not doing this because she does not love her. Think of something your 12yo could say in return every time this happens. How about "Well, I love you very much because you're my little sister." Take the sting out of the situation and it will all come right in the end.

Yes I could try that :) it’s hard to explain to 12 year old that it’s not because she’s not loved. The more attention we give it the worse it gets unfortunately. Thankyou

Yes, it's sad for your 12yo. She must feel so hurt. Hard to explain toddler development to her too.

Tell your 12yo that the fact the little one says she will say "I love you" when she is four years old means she already loves her because she knows in advance she wants to say this She's just using time-frame to assert control over her little world.

I agree with pp about how to explain it to a 12 year old. At that age she should also be capable to understand that, as well as that what a toddler says doesn't necessarly correlate with its actual feelings (just think of "I hate you!" when a child is mad).

Other than that: Stop pressuring your child to say "I love you"! This is a serious expression of serious feelings and she will say it when she feels it and wants to say it.

Thankyou. I don’t feel like I do pressure her. At least I consciously try not to but I take on board what you’re saying :)

Depends on what you see as pressure. In my opinion it is even pressure if you make it a topic, which you apparently do.