I need some help with Ds, he is just out of control :(

[nutcracker]

I'm not even sure where to start, I just don't know what to do with him.

He is 4.8 and due to start school this Sept.

He can be the most sweet and lovely boy, but that boy has been slowly dissapearing over the last few months and there is not much of him left. Now, he is nasty, naughty, talks to me like crap, and tbh alot of the time I don't like him.

I'm his mum so I know alot of this must be down to me as I am the only adult he sees every day, but I am just not sure where I have gone wrong and how to put it right.

The way things are going, his school days are going to be so miserable, because if he speaks to the other children and the teachers the way he speaks to me, then he will have no friends and be considered naughty by the teachers.

Nothing I do with him seems to work, he doesn't seem to care about any punishment. If I ban tv, I get a mouthful of abuse and then he goes off to sulk, but it doesn't stop his bad behaviour. If i confiscate toys, i get another mouthful of abuse and then he'll forget the toy ever exsisted so doesn't care.

I need some rules and consequences that he will understand, as he doesn't seem to get any of what I do.

Help please, I want my lovely little boy back.

Hmmm

Does he speak to others like that though? most kids who tear strips off their mopther don't do it to anyone else.

Hi all

Well today he hasn't been too bad. I spoke to him about the shouting this morning and he said he would try not too. He had a couple of slip ups, but stopped once I reminded him.

I did have to put him on the step, and it went ok, better than expected and after a false start he did his 4 min and was fine afterwards.

He still seems very grumpy, but i think part of this is because he takes everything people say literally, and as an insult, so even trying to have a laugh with him is hard at the mo cos he ends up stomping off.

We're off on a day out tommoroow so I am expecting some tantrums at some point, so I need to work out what to do then.

I wouls stick Dino's points up on my fridge if I were you!

Praise good behaviour, reward it
Ignore bad behaviour, don't reward with attention (even negative) pick your battles, be consistent.

I'd also say to remind yourself that you are doing a fantastic job, as a sole parent, bringing up (is it 3?) children. Of course you find it hard and difficult and it's all the harder to be consistent because it's all YOU. But stick with it. Remember that some of his anger is this four year old testosterone surge stuff; definitely noticed this with my ds. So it's not always going to be the same.

No matter how tempted, do not shout at him if you don't want him to shout at you. If you feel yourself wanting to shout, shut yourself in the loo - seperate you and him. Your role model is more important than any 'punishment'.

Be massively loving, and attentive, and play with him as much as possible; I know you're busy; but if you start from this point, you arm yourself with more strategies; as a first point you can withdraw your lovely attention and children do feel that. You may not even have to get to tellings off or time out sometimes; just a withdrawal of your warmth and affection can be enough SOMETIMES.

Use his natural competitiveness and never forget how much little boys love silliness and goofiness. Don't always let it be 'parent and child' just be chums too and do things as a little team.

I'd always aim to do things positively like that before even thinking of punishments or time outs.

Tomorrow on your day out just keep giving him challenges and races, betting him he can't do this or that. Boys love proving their prowess at stuff. But if he were to be utterly awful, don't hesitate to warn him that you'll just go home, and if you threaten it, do it.

Best of luck. You ARE doing a fabulous job. Many people simply could not cope with what you do each day.