What are the do's and dont's when dealing with a fussy eater!?

[Hmmmmminteresting]

Ds1 is almost 4 and has always been a great eater. Loves fruit and veg and will always eat veg on his plate before anything else. Will help himself to fruit. Doesn't pull a face when he gets an apple for pudding unlike some of his friends.
Assumed it was due to my great parenting skills.
Well ds1 is 17 months and is a bloody nightmare. Hes gone from eating everything put in front of him, to the last 4 months hardly eating anything. He says no to all fruit at home and at nursery. He wont even try it. He just pushes the bowl away and if we persue it he cries. Dinner he will filter out all the good stuff. The only healthy thing he likes is corn on the cob! We never changed anything or did anything different it just started one day when he wouldnt eat banana which is unlike him and it's got progressively worse. We dont offer him an alternative but then in return I just get tears constantly because hes so hungry! Dh is of the opinion we need to admit defeat and start giving him crisps or something as a snack inbetween as hes hungry and then pudding give him a bit of chocolate. Since this started he now wakes at least 3x a night (never ever used to wake) and is just generally a lot more unhappy that he used to be. He dropped his milk and only has 2 small cups a day but isn't interested we really have to encourage him with it. Hes not underweight.
How do you deal with a fussy child!
What are the do's and don'ts?!

Today he's eaten weetabix, a bit of pesto pasta, a small sausage roll, some cheese and a ham thin.

Hes refused toast, an orange, a yoghurt, blueberries and raspberries. We then give all this to ds1 who we know will eat it!

I am going through the same thing!! And here's what I've learned. If he likes bananas, stick with it. It could be he doesn't like anything so I've found that tiny baby steps are wins in it of themselves. My step son who is 9, is a TERRIBLE eater and I find that any progress is good progress, weather that's just trying something new even if he doesn't end up eating it. His mom used to do the unhealthy snacks approach to just get him to eat but I've learned that kids will eat if they are really hungry. Stop buying unhealthy snacks and they will eventually eat what's around. It's always a battle but it's relatively a small one compared to them getting diebetes or worse later in life. These are the sacrifices we will have to face as parents. Also a huge thing to remember is trust and that kids do what we do, not what we say lol. So maybe you and your significant other will need to set a better example. I have had to re establish my whole diet and he follows me. That trust is only built from a lot of time spent doing things or nothing with him. I have learned that the most precious currency is not money or material things but time itself. The difference is we can't save time or make more of it so we must be very careful how we spend it. For me This has meant me sacrificing a full time job and potential vacation or toy money for a stronger bond between me and him, but has paid off and now even though he still is picky he will try and impress me by trying new things or forcing himself to eat fruit or veg. The habits he builds now will last the rest of his life so it's worth it to struggle now, trust me. I'm an orphan, foster kid, runaway and adoptee so I know about bad habits and how they can last and it's always harder to break them down the line then as a child. Children are more vulnerable then adults only because they lack experience so they have the potential to learn and pick things up much easier now then later when they will learn invulnerability later wen they gain their own knowledge and experience. You are doing a better job then u give yourself credit for I think and not giving into the easier routes, like giving them junk food, will pay off in the end. Some tips I'd suggest that I've used is vitamin gummies, not buying junk food so it's just not an option, trying new recipes and putting foods they don't like in different forms, masking healthy foods with lots of seasoning or even sugar. Came sugar is actually healthier then processed sugars and baby teeth fall out lol. Other then that we will just need to keep building patience, understanding and strict compassion. What I mean by that is not enabling them and accepting today's battle to avoid tomorrow's war. Hope that helps, love from Chicago.

Try a different approach for the next month;
Give one option only and don't focus meal time chat on when he refuses food.
Might not work but if he's really that hungry he might feel he has to.
At dinner, put food on table you want and start eating and talking about something that's not food related.
If he starts refusing to eat it, ignore him and give positive praise to ur 4 year old about the food he's choosing to eat. If there's desert and ds2 hasn't eaten his meal then he's not that hungry and therefore doesn't need desert. Reassure him that if he's eaten his meal he can have some desert but continue to ignore any complaints from him whilst rest of family tuck into desert. This teaches him that desert only arrives after meal.
If he starts eating things he doesn't like, clap like you've never clapped before! Reinforcing how happy everyone is that he's eating.
If he continues to refuse, he doesn't have a dinner.
Might take a while but if he's hungry he might give it a go.

Alternatively contact the local health visiting team who can suggest some alternative ideas.

I'm finding my way with a similar situation.

Putting the food in big bowls in the middle seems to be helping and getting DS to serve us all. I would say it's solved the fussiness but some meals have been better eaten this way.