18mo Son - angry and cries all the time - help!

[SammyBammy]

I think I’m seeking a bit of comfort from anyone who might have been through this and come out the other side. I have 3 boys (7, 4, 1.5). The 7 year old is pretty feisty (has ADHD so struggles with things but is very bright) but he’s ok most of the time, and was ok as a baby (although never slept well and still doesn’t). The 4 yo is sweet and happy (feel terrible for saying it but he’s my saving grace), but the 1 year old is a NIGHTMARE and always has been.

When he was born i’m not kidding, the Nurses said to me ‘wow, he’s a loud one’ cos he cried and cried with such a loud voice) and basically he’s stayed that way. He shouts at us a lot, hits me when i’m Feeding him, moans, whines and shouts for anything he wants. He’s only saying a few words, but is running around now, so it’s not a frustration over mobility. He refused to take a dummy (despite trying as I though it would comfort him at night and help his settle), getting him to take a bottle took forever but we finally got there, he’s a terrible sleeper and will cry and cry in his cot until we relent (he still wakes at 3 and will easily cry and scream for an hour or more).

He is determined, belligerent, and will literally give my friends evil looks to the point where it’s actually a bit funny (but makes me want to cry when I really think about it later on).

He has his good points - loves music and dances, but will go nuts when it’s time stop for e.g bedtime wind down. He is a good eater, and will occasionally give me a kiss.
He’s already having lie-down hit the floor type tantrums though. The other day it was cos we had to get out of the car and go back into the house after a shop - it took me 40 mins to get him into an ok place.
I think he’s not sleeping enough but don’t know how to get him to sleep more - he will lie in his cot in the dark awake.

Has anyone been here?? Does anyone have an experience where their boy improved? Or will he always be an angry soul? I honestly feel like this is him, but I have a bit of hope he will change and we’ll be saying at some point in the future “you were such a tough baby, hahaha, and now look at you, running the UN”. X

So when you say you relent at night, what’s going on exactly OP? Does he then come into your bed and does he sleep there? How long is he napping for in the day?

If he’s very loud and shouty, I’d go for a hearing test. You can self refer in most areas or your HV can refer you.

Has your HV suggested taking the m-Chat too?

We relent if it goes beyond an hour or more. My Husband goes in to his room and pats him to settle him cos if I go, it’s too easy to breastfeed him in my sleepy haze, but then he just wants to suckle for the rest of the night - if I try to put him back he shouts the house down again.

Sometimes he’s just impossible to settle. On the nights where he just doesn’t stop crying, my Husband has been known to take him out in the pram and walk and walk. He won’t sleep doing that either.

In the day he sleeps from 9am - between 10.30 & 11, and in the afternoon he’s put down again at 2pm but more often than not doesn’t sleep then.

He’s very sensitive to noise when he sleeps, so we all need to be Super quiet when he’s down, so i think it’s unlikely hearing? He also had a hearing test when he was born.

I live in Asia, so no HVs here. I had to Google M-chat but just did an online test and he came out as Low risk... he gets eye contact, copies, points, loves running about with his brothers, being bounced / swung, loves dancing and is trying to mimic language. He just has a big old temper like you wouldn’t believe and doesn’t like sleep (especially at night!).

Do you think we should stop going in at night at all? It’s hard when we’re both just lying in bed listening to him and he doesn’t stop. We have no need for a monitor cos he’s so loud.

At 18 months, most babies in the UK have one nap, after lunch. Could you start making the morning nap later by quarter of an hour each day until you eventually get it to around noon? I'd also wake him after an hour and a half, which is two sleep cycles.

As for the night, I'd always go into him, they need a lot of reassurance at this age but have you thought I'd might weaning?

Dr Jay Gordon's night weaning method is very gentle and works for lots of BFing families.

As for his behaviour, honestly I think he could just be overtired. Once you've cracked the naps and night weaned, he should be like a different boy

I thought I’d update this in case anyone out there is going through the same problems as we went though (cos when I posted 6 years ago I was in the darkest space).

My little man is now 7. He’s a delight most of the time. He’s pretty sensitive still to noise (doesn’t like parties that much cos the other kids get so excited and are loud). He is still strong willed (he knows what he wants) but rarely cries. He has an awesome sense of humour and is doing well at school and socially. He has just been made the kindness monitor for his year in school as his teacher thinks he’s the kindest and most inclusive boy, and is good at engaging the other kids.
I’m afraid he still struggles to get to sleep - his brother is always asleep before him. His brain just doesn’t seem to want to switch off. But when he does he sleeps soundly all night! Hurrah! There is light.