3.5 Year Old Won't Let Me Teach Him!

[Pod86]

Hi,

My 3.5 year old boy has always been on the slower end of hitting his milestones. No issue with me, they all develop in their own time. However, due to reasons outside of my control (mostly the birth and extreme feeding difficulties of his baby brother a year ago), he watches far more television than I would like.

I don't know for sure if this has played a role in my problem, but I don't expect it's helped. My concern is that, he is so wrapped up in the worlds of Thomas, Fireman Sam and anything else he enjoys watching, that his play only seems to extend to running around shouting and screaming with any toy he finds (dinosaurs, trains, teddies etc) and acting out scenes from these television shows.

Again, not a huge problem on its own. However, when I try to get involved and play a game, teach him a new skill or do something fun/different, he flat out refuses. I simply CANNOT penetrate this role play world that he is in, he isn't interested in anything else.

I put my 1 year old to bed, put my phone in another room and say to myself that we are going to spend the next hour together for some quality time. I'll suggest doing a puzzle, colouring, painting, baking, a game.......ANYTHING! But it's always met with a 'no'. If I do get him to do something (we made a 'Gruffalo (Apple) Crumble' the other day - he gets bored after 2 minutes and then won't try with anything. Tried to get him pouring the flour into the bowl - he won't even grip hold of the bag!

It's the same with learning new skills. We are currently learning how to get dressed, but it's a daily battled. I am aware this is normal for a toddler, but when it comes to putting socks on for example, he won't even grip the sock to let me help him and teach him how to put it on. He just lets his hands go all limp.

Sorry for the long post. I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice/similar stories and if anyone has any tips on how I can get involved in playing with him? He's excellent at playing by himself, so I'm very lucky there. But it just seems unnatural to me to spend all my time cleaning up,w washing etc. while he's playing by himself. He'll be at school next year and then I know I'll regret not having more time with him when I could.

Please help!

If you want to spend more time playing with your son, you'll have to play what he wants, instead of expecting him to play what you want. You also can't blame him for not being interested in everyday things like baking, if you just started to want to do it with him now.
And if you think he's watching too much TV, don't let him watch so much.

As I mentioned in my post, he watches more television than I’d like because I have a 1 year old with extremely difficult feeding issues - it’s unfortunate, but unavoidable at present. I haven’t just started baking with him, I’ve tried it on a number of occasions, as well as painting, colouring, puzzles, asking him what he would like to do......there’s no pressure for him to do anything he doesn’t want to do, I was really just after some friendly advice on how to get him interested in doing some other activities besides role play, as I feel responsible, as his mother, for teaching him and helping him grow.

Why can't you play his role play thing? If there's one thing I've learnt about toddlers it's that there's zero point in trying to get them to do stuff that they don't want to do, it's just so frustrating! I would just go with his thing, you might find that if you spend time with him doing what he wants to do then he'll be more open to doing other stuff.

As for the skills I think you just need to keep trying. It sounds like he's acting a bit 'helpless'? in this parenting book I read it said they can be like that as a bit of an attention seeking ploy if they are not getting the attention they need in a positive way.

Basically, I think it may well help in all areas if you help him with his fireman sam reenactment! Good luck, I bloody hate role play!

You wrote the feeding issues were a year ago!? And if he's playing well by himself, I don't see why feeding issues of your other toddler lead to him sitting in front of the TV too much.

There is nothing wrong with role play all day long, if that's what he's into now. Some children do multiple activities during the day, every day, others are obsessed with a certain activity they do all day long, every day for days, weeks, months .... and then move on to the next "obsession". It really doesn't matter. Just compare it to different views of teaching subjects at school - clustering vs. a new subject every hour.

Sorry, yes I wasn’t terribly clear regarding the feeding. I didn’t want to make what was already a lengthy post, even longer. Essentially, my youngest son didn’t feed well and was losing weight, so I had to feed him upstairs in the dark in the early months. My eldest was only 2.5 then, so for his safety I had to sit him in front of the tv. Now they are both older, the tv isn’t required quite so much, but I still have to feed baby upstairs without disturbance, so occasionally I return to tv to keep the 3.5 year old from coming upstairs.

Television isn’t really my concern now, I just meant that those earlier months of endless tv may be the reason that he now only wants to role play in his own head surrounding these shows.

I don’t want anyone thinking I’m complaining. My son has a wealth of incredible qualities and I’m extremely proud of him. It’s more to do with my own issues with constantly feeling like I’m not doing enough as a mum and that I ‘should’ be doing more of a variety of things with him, probably because of the pressure of seeing other mums doing these activities with their children. I will add that (unless they’re poorly) we usually go out in the afternoon and do something fun all together.

Thank you! I hate role play too! I’m terrible at it! And I’m really not sure how to get involved with it - he’s really just talking to himself and his teddies/characters!!

I felt really awkward to start off with but actually you don't have to be that entertaining/funny to keep a 3yo happy! Just pick them up and talk some random shit in a silly voice.

I

It sounds as though he is great at j dependant play.... if he is happy role playing for decent periods of time and doesn't need tv to occupy him then pls don't worry... this is where he is at 'right now' it will change but he is using role play as his tool to learn and process.

With regard to him not wanting to do anything else, don't worry, just be present and I'm sure he will include you. You could also set up different play areas to encourage him... for example with a tuff tray you could put out different activities every day...

Good luck, sounds like you are doing an amazing job x

Have you thought about sitting down and doing something (say cutting out with scissors) and see if it piques his interest and he sits next to you and copies? Sometimes not practicing a new skill is a lack of confidence/fear of failure so the two of you sitting down and cutting out something like junk mail flyers could be less stressful than you making him sit down and offering instruction per se.
Some childminders rotate toys because too many toys is overwhelming and rotating them means that today's ones are more "fresh"

My 3.5 year old loves role playing, it's her favourite thing to do. I go along with it but dear god it's tedious. Usually I have to be Bob, she is Bitz and we have to come up with some kind of plan... Save me.

My almost 6 year old is/was exactly the same. I used to get really upset and he always wanted to do things his own way and basically told me to back off if I tried to help him. He is still very much the same - won't let me teach him dances or sings etc. The best thing I've learnt is to accept him the way he is. As he's got older we have found more activities we like to do together - board games, jigsaws, trips to library and he loves reading. This gives me great pleasure but I have really had to challenge my conception about what I expected and wanted my child to conform to. My overall advice is be guided by him and embrace his strengths (independence etc) - great attributes as he gets older although recognise difficult when young!

My 3.5 year old is also obsessed with acting out his favourite shows and only plays other things for very short periods. Think it is pretty normal at this age.

Thank you everyone for your responses. It’s reassuring to know other children do this too. I think I need to stop looking at what other mummy’s do and just go with what he wants to do. I actually started making a card for a friend the other day (totally not expecting him to be interested) and then he decided to come and join me! Less pressure, on both my son AND myself I think! Thanks for the support