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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

come on then......whats the solution....DEMANDING toddler

15 replies

shhhh · 04/08/2007 20:54

DD is 2 and last week I posted about problems dh & I were having with regards to disipline and control etc...

Well, Im back again and im on the verge of walking out. .
Neither of seems able to disipline her and when I look around at others the same age dd seems so much more of a handful iykwim.
Today I have spent time alone with dd (dh has ds) at a friends lo's 2nd birthday party and while all the other dk's seemed content with playing on the bouncy castle or with different toys or each other dd seemed content wandering around the house (front to back and vice versa constantly) or playing with her dolls etc alone or pushing a pram of stone around etc. When it came to passs the parcel dd seemed happier to wander around the garden and was such a nightmare. Whenever I go to help her she won't have it and is obviously independant BUT its so frustrating me me......................

I felt like a parent who couldn't control her dd today and like everyone thought so. She was screaming and such a change from her usual self. She is usually such an angle and 10% of the time is such an evil little girl. She shakes with rage,hits me and screams etc.

Once she was home she was worse. I left her to sleep it off in her cot. Thing is she was tired today as well BUT this happens even with sleep.

Im a sahm,am I smothering her..? Is this a bad idea and should she be in nursery..? Just seems those that we know who's lo's are in nursery seem to have better behaved lo's.

I do attend baby groups and we are out walking/shopping/activities most days......

The other things is...........culd she have some kind of behaviour problem..? adhd ...??

HELP. X

OP posts:

Psychobabble · 04/08/2007 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

shhhh · 04/08/2007 21:20

Things is I don't think i imagining it about her compared to other lo's....I can honestly say she IS hyper and so much more active than others and when I was at the party I can honestly say I was sweating buckets. Even a father comented on how quick and active she was.....

We disipline her for what we class as naughty things...such as throwing toys (as often then are when ds is around)....when she throws a tantrum we try and ignore her, or calm her down or reason with her.......To displine we have tried naughtly step (to young and won't sit still) tapping her hand (she laughs) ignoring her (she carries on).

OP posts:

berolina · 04/08/2007 21:29

2 is young for doing pass the parcel, surely? (In fact, it seems pretty young for a 'proper' children's party full stop, tbh). My ds is 2.2, developmentally very much up to speed, and I'm not entirely sure he'd get it. Nothing wrong with wandering around the house/garden - as new places they probably excited curiosity. ds does play with toys, but is very much a sort for investigating drawers, door handles, cupboards, plants etc. etc.

I would neither naughty-step nor hand-tap. A calm but clear 'no' followed if necessary by a removal from the situation/object is your best bet at this age, I think.

A couple of ds's favourite phrases atm are 'by self' and 'let go'. Striking out for independence, with the inevitable occasionally 'undesirable' consequences, is normal and to be encouraged at this age, IMO.

And tantrums etc. 10% of the time is pretty good going for a 2yo. ds is a dream and IMO a pretty 'easy' child, but he too has dreadful tantrums on occasion. They can't handle their emotions all that well yet, are just learning how to do so, and can get so far into the tantrums that they can't get out of them by themselves. 'Discipline' proportionate to the intensity of the tantrum is inappropriate for that reason.

cba · 04/08/2007 21:30

she dosent sound any different to alot of two year olds. Just stay calm, difficult i know, ignore other parents comments and keep doing what you are doing. If you stay calm and consistent she will get the message. Oh, and only socialise with people who are understanding and do not think their kids are perfect, no child is. Look at her energy as a positive, she will be able to whizz over the whole house in no time with a hoover in a few years

cba · 04/08/2007 21:32

my dd gems are at the moment "my turn" - always her turn. "hey, no stop it now". "share" - but never applies to herself. "shutup boys" to her brothers, when it is her making the most noise. The joys of two year olds.

Original poster

shhhh · 04/08/2007 21:38

cba, dd already "helps" mummy by cleaning the house with babywipes....

I agree, I do think the lo's were to young for a party.I dunno............maybe I am expecting to much from dd in turns of behaviour but with her being our 1st we have nothing to guide us etc........as everyone I suppose.

Things is she is excellant with regards to development. Understands and can count to 10,knows parts of her body (eyes,nose,mouth,knees,elbows,hands,hair etc) and is now at the stage of repeating and remembering everyting. So I guess she must be developing well.

Guess,I was just embarassed today and more for myself for not knowing or being able to handle her properly. I just felt and looked pathetic .

OP posts:

BirdyArms · 04/08/2007 21:44

I think that 2 yo's can be just be a bit of a nightmare. My ds1, 2.4 is very good in social situations - he does go to nursery 3 days per week and think this might help - and all my friends think that he is a very 'easy' child but he can be a nightmare at home. Particularly at weekends or on holidays when there is more than one adult he throws very frequent tantrums. Your dd doesn't sound unusual to me. They are still very little. Think what she was doing a year ago then imagagine how quickly she is going to change in the next year. Fingers crossed all these nutcase 2yo problems won't last long!

myermay · 04/08/2007 21:49

Message withdrawn

Psychobabble · 04/08/2007 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

shhhh · 04/08/2007 21:59

birdy, guess what you are saying is that nursery/sahm/whatever they all have some behaviour issues.......?

I explained to dh today that to send dd to nursery is not only an additional cost BUT may introduce her to other issues (biting etc) that we have to content with. Suppose its a viscious circle.

Hi myermay . Nice to hear from you.! Keep meaning to pop in as not posted for ages.......Yes of course I remember you.!
How's your lo..?
Yes I do have a ds (6 months)..suppose it could also be attention shes after..?

Thanks everyone,seems like dd is not unique. Its just after a hard day it seems like we are the worse parents ever. Tomorrow is a new day..

OP posts:

BirdyArms · 04/08/2007 22:12

tbh I'm not sure there's a big benefit of sending them to nursery just yet. ds1 is maybe a bit more laid back about sharing toys etc than sahm friends' children who don't go to nursery but I suspect that I may have more behaviour issues when he is bored at home. Haven't had any biting or other issues associated with nursery though. I think that 3 is really soon enough nursery - they've got years of socialising with other children at school ahead of them.

Original poster

shhhh · 04/08/2007 22:56

Thanks birdy..you are rightlast , esp with your comment. I keep telling dh that. She is a baby and has a life ahead of her to be grown up iykwim. x

OP posts:

HonoriaGlossop · 04/08/2007 23:05

I think she sounds utterly normal and she sounds adorable.

I think this whole issue should be gone in a puff of smoke - just completely reassess your expectations of her. she is doing exactly, totally as I would expect a normal two year old to do.

She's obviously a bright spark and active but please, please don't let worries about that bring you to the point of walking out!

The party situation - totally unrealistic to expect her to join in; the things she was doing were absolutely normal and age appropriate. I was the same with ds - hot, sweaty, knackered and never had my bum on a seat for more than two seconds at a time; but it doesn't last. They change over the years.

I agree, ignore her tantrums; don't feed them with your attention. And don't be alarmed; children can look like absolute little devils, quite scary; but it's so, so normal. ALL children have them.

i can't say strongly enough how I wish you would simply relax, and enjoy your little girl and all the twists and turns of her development. x

Original poster

shhhh · 04/08/2007 23:08

HG, thats lovely thankyou. Its reasurring to know its normal....Onwards and upwards for tomorrow.

OP posts:

HonoriaGlossop · 04/08/2007 23:13

Glad it's helpful shhhh.

Often I think it's helpful too, to remember that when you're focussing on worrying about your own child's behaviour, you don't really see the reality of other children. To you, at a quick and stressed out glance, it may have seemed that other kids were doing as 'expected' but to be honest if you'd actually watched them for half an hour you'd probably have seen enough odd/annoying/bad behaviour to make you realise that they ALL have their issues.

I wouldn't focus on your dd's 'behaviour' at all; she's just normal, exploring, learning. She doesn't need naughty steps or discipline, just a clear idea of what her boundaries are and that can be given by a strong NO and removing her to another activity if she's doing something she shouldn't.

And I agree, Nursery not necessary and won't have any effect on her 'behaviour' necessarily. Send her when you think she's ready - there really is no hurry.

Have a good day tomorrow and remember just have fun with her! Trust her, she's not naughty or suffering with behaviour issues, she's just developing the only way she can. x

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