Please help me cope with tantrums

[Kittykat93]

Hi all,

I have a little boy who is coming up to 2yo, he is brilliant funny and so loving.

However, for the last couple of months his behaviour has just rocketed downhill. Some days are okay but some days I'm literally crying as I just cannot cope with him.

Going out in public is now something I dread as he hates getting in the car seat and will scream and wrestle with me every single time. He doesn't want to go in the pram but won't walk next to me or holding hands either.

He has tantrums about absolutely everything. I try and distract every time, or talk in a calm voice at his level but it doesn't ever work. I sometimes leave him to it as long as I know he's safe but he will just continue to screech like a banshee.

I work full time and feel guilty as I think that may be why he's behaving like this, but unfortunately I don't have a choice.

Please help, give me some tips or something because I am slowly going insane :( every day is a slog at the moment.

Thank you!!

Bumping sorry 😳😳

Hi. As soon as you said your son is 2, I thought uh oh, here's another mum (exactly like I was) with a little boy who has gotten into the terrible 2's and she's exhausted!

It's definitely not the fact you work full time so don't worry about that. The saying 'terrible 2's' is there for a reason because many mothers before us have experienced these little people being horrors and testing boundaries between the age of 2 and 3. You never know when it will be but with my son, it was when he turned 2 and a half.

I think and don't quote me on this but they take a development surge around this age and want to see what they can get away with. Their curiosity is peaked and they also establish self will, meaning they will refuse to do something they don't want to do and because they don't quite have self awareness or danger knowledge yet, they will push and push.

My son was a nightmare. He would just try to do whatever he wanted wherever we went out and even in the house. No was ignored, don't do that was ignored, that's dangerous was ignored! He would actually laugh at me or laugh when he was doing something he shouldn't and I was saying no. I rid it out. It was tiring. We introduced time out to help with him testing our boundaries then very quickly, he started to realise him testing our boundaries didn't lead to anything good. If he ran off, I would pretend to leave him behind. I would keep two eyes firmly on him and not let him go far but I would say 'ok mummy will just go without you then'. He would still mess around for a moment but as soon as he say me take a foot in the other direction, he would come running and grab my hand. Now he always holds my hand, stays beside me and doesn't run off.

In the house, he now listens to me saying no. He sometimes sighs then stops but he stops and that's the main thing. I praise him for making the right choice like getting down off the table or or not throwing the remote control! When he's good I take him into me for a hug and say you're a lovely boy and mummy is so proud of you for being good and letting us have a nice day out.

I think he's out growing the terrible twos now but the help of time out, pretending to leave him behind if he ran off, praising his good behaviour and being consistent all helped massively in getting through the times when he was really testing me

Thank you so much for replying! It's difficult because he currently doesn't really have any speech. He says mumma and a couple of other words but nothing else so he is struggling to communicate and getting really frustrated with himself (and me!!)

Thank you for your suggestions maybe I'll start introducing a time out especially as he gets a bit bigger and understands what I'm doing and why.

It's reassuring to know that it's normal and will pass, I just wasn't expecting this behaviour at such a young age.

One day I'll look back on this phase and laugh (and shudder) at how awful it was

My son is 3 in October and has zero speech. We've been waiting 6 months for speech therapy and are thinking about going private but there's even waiting lists for private sessions and they're really expensive. He's almost 3 though and I don't want him still being unable to talk. Despite the fact he can't talk, I know he's aware of what I'm saying and understands. I've often caught him jumping away from doing something he shouldn't if I've came back into the room after putting a cup away or something so he knows he shouldn't have been doing it.

These little people are clever! I have learned that my son is a clever little boy (like them all) and they also have selective hearing! I used to think oh he can't talk so doesn't understand but he does. Don't be fooled haha.

Make sure you get a break yourself as well. The tantrums and being rebellious can last a few months (it was about 2 months with my son) so making sure you can get a little rest will also help you get through it.

I've heard when they turn 4, they go through another little blip so I'm preparing for that now!

Telling him he's been good when he's good was definitely the best tool. I wouldn't say he's been good over basic things he should be doing but I would make a fuss (still do) and praise him heavily when he made the right choice. He went through a phase of hitting me, ripping my face with his nails and nipping me and that was extra tough! I would actually cry at night as my face was covered in scratches and I felt like he hated me. Then one day, with persistence from me and my husband to do time outs etc for hitting, he just stopped! Now he cups my face and gently touches it.

They need to know that you are deadly serious about giving a time out or punishment such as taking a toy away every.single.time they misbehave! As soon as they register that, they all of a sudden stop being little demons!