Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

HELP! having stupid argument with partner about mornings with 4 yr old

44 replies

conkeyhead · 02/08/2007 13:17

Can you help? My four year old wakes every morning around 7.30/8am (I know, I'm very lucky) and comes straight into our room (stomp stomp stomp), usually launching straight into the middle of a conversation we were having the previous night. She generally jumps into bed for a cuddle, and then we have a quick chat about the day and get up to make tea. I think this is a very nice way to start the day, although admit to not really liking being woken up - but as I'm not a morning person and never have been, I don't like being woken up by anything!! My partner (not her father), finds this really annoying and has got it into his head that she shouldn't be waking us up at all and wants to change this routine (we're expecting another baby and he wants it sorting before the next one comes).

One suggestion he had was to close the door on her and tell her she's not allowed in our room at all. He says when he was little he was never allowed in his parents room - I have suggested this memory may be from when he was 7 or 8 rather than four!! I personally think closing the door on her would be really mean, and frankly rather inpractical as you can't really leave a 4yr old roaming around the place unattended!!

I've tried to explain that children do just get up in the mornings, and whether they just holler for their parents, or come and find them, do just generally need attending to and as neither of us are morning people, we're probably always going to find this hard. Of course I'm horribly hormonal at the moment and slightly worried anyway about him not loving my daughter as much as his own child, so am being horribly defensive every time we discuss it and crying alot; but really need to find a solution or a good arguement to shut him up!! Any ideas?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

hercules1 · 02/08/2007 16:20

He is going to have to get used to getting up in the night with a new baby even if you are breastfeeding. That's life with kids. 7.30 is a great time for your dd to get up.

hercules1 · 02/08/2007 16:21

I was never ever allowed in my parents room as a child and still feel guilty going into my mums room at the age of 33 but partly because of this I coslept with both my kids.

EscapeFrom · 02/08/2007 16:25

Shortly before having a rival baby is a very very very bad time to introduce a rule about limiting her mother's availability, IMHO.

Oblomov · 02/08/2007 16:27

Jumping into bed for a cuddle is the best thing ever. How sad that hercules was never allowed in her mums room.

aloha · 02/08/2007 16:30

I think your partner is being really unreasonable. Ha! When the baby arrives you'll be awake at 5am anyway, he has no idea, has he?
Seriously though, this little girl has a stepfather and a baby sibling on the way, is he interested in having this family bond? Because one way to screw that up is to start telling your daughter that she's suddenly not allowed in your room at all, while the new baby is in there all the time. This is not the time to divide and rule.

KTeePee · 02/08/2007 16:43

I'm now curious to know what you dp does for a living if he doesn't need to get up until 8.30!! And if your dd is 4, won't she be going to school in a few months time? Unless you are super organised or live next door to the school you'll need to be up at 7.30/8 at the latest anyway....

rebelmum1 · 02/08/2007 16:46

Lets face it you're just going to have to take it in turns to get up and give the other one some peace. You can try and gently encourage playing in room for a bit or downstairs - my mum used to leave breakfast out for us to help ourselves and i was about 4. can they tell the time at 4?

Piffle · 02/08/2007 16:48

your dh is completely mentalist IMO

Our dd is nearly 5 and out routine is as you describe
What else would she do ffs? Make tea for us all... we have a new baby, we ask dd not to come in before 7.30 unless she needs the loo (cannot climb to loo on her own due to mobility issues) we bought her a clock which lights up when she si allowed up at 7.30.
She comes into our room which we share with ds2 aged 19 wks, I get up with him in the night, dp gets up with dd. We then change baby and make tea and help dd dress - we mix these routiens up depeing on who pleads tiredness the best...

rebelmum1 · 02/08/2007 17:01

I found that u just can't keep to old pre-baby routines you just have to go with the flow, the more you resist the more stressed you become when it doesn't work. Can't he go to bed earlier?

OhNo40 · 02/08/2007 17:03

We have handled this rather differently from some of the posters here...
When our DD was still in a cot she used to shout for me as soon as she woke up. We would go in, say it was too early, give her something to play with then leave her to it.
When she went into a bed we explained that she could now get up and get whatever toys/books she wanted or go to the potty, but that she must wait in her room until we came for her. I have to say she has been brilliant at this and has never come in to us.
On weekdays she has to be up at 7.15 anyway and at weekends I usually go into her by 8 so she is not lying awake alone for ages. We generally hear her reading/singing/playing before we go in and when we do go in we get a beaming smile and a lovely cuddle. Often she wants to stay & play in her room rather than going downstairs.

HonoriaGlossop · 02/08/2007 17:05

The time she comes in is perfectly excellent, and how sad it would be to discourage your own young child from coming in to see you in the morning.

I definitely think you need to get your Dp to let this one go; he's being ridiculous. God knows how he will react to the odd hours of a newborn, or if you happen to have (like me) a 5.30am riser

You're right. He's wrong. Stick to your guns.

rebelmum1 · 02/08/2007 17:06

With all due respect you might be lucky, my dd does not do a damn thing i ask her to do, i can't get her to stay in her bed all night for love nor money. Did you just ask her not to get up really?

mankyscotslass · 02/08/2007 17:11

Our 21mth old wakes any time for 5.30 til 6, and i bring him to our bed where he bounces on us and plays peek boo or tickle or tries to open daddys eyes or pulls his chest hair with us til 6ish when the eldest wakes and comes into us and climbs on the bed (he is 5)...dd (3) usually sleeps a bit longer and isnt awake before we all go downstairs about 6.30/6.45. If she is awake she comes in too. I love that time in the morning.
BUT The older two know not to go into mummy and daddy's room when we aren't there, and have never done so (yet) despite playing upstairs a lot.

mankyscotslass · 02/08/2007 17:13

Meant to say, it gives us time to wake up and be organised as we all have to be out by 8,35 on weekday mornings

amidaiwish · 02/08/2007 18:07

OhNo40 - do you have one dc or more?

i don't mean to sound patronising, really i don't, but you sound smug and think you have "engineered" this situation. you haven't, you've just been lucky with your dd!

HonoriaGlossop · 02/08/2007 18:13

Yes I agree that it's alot to do with luck. ALL the parents I know have carefully explained this to their young kids and it works with some and totally not with others! Depends how compliant a nature the child has and how strong their need is about not being alone/being with parents when they wake IMO.

nailpolish · 02/08/2007 18:49

ohno40, thats fine, but the OP's problem is that her dd comes in to her room and her dp doesnt like it

your child doesnt wander into your room

Original poster

conkeyhead · 03/08/2007 09:42

Hello

Have decided to tell DP where to go next time it comes up. We are really lucky. I might show him this conversation thread too - ummm actually I might not

In answer to your questions; I am really really lucky with her sleeping, she's laid back generally and I'm not expecting my luck to last for the next child - it's not anything I've done. She is on an 8-8 routine as I work and don't get home til 6. We will be moving to a 7.30-7.30 routine in a month when she goes to school. And yes, school is right on door step (but we're moving!! .

DP is in IT and has flexi hours so can start between 8 and 10. (usually the latter) AND he only works 15 mins away, unlike poor old me who commutes into london.

So yes, on the whole, he doesn't know he's born and is in for the shock of his life when the baby comes. But he's not all bad really...he just feels the need to try and fix things sometimes....it's like he tries too hard at times in an effort to be perfect dad. It will come when he realises it's easier just to go with the flow!!

thanks for all responses, love mumsnet!

OP posts:

KTeePee · 03/08/2007 17:08

Ah, well when/if you go back to work you will be perfectly justified in getting your dp to do all the drop offs/pick ups at nursery/childminders! - will he do the school run in the morning too?

Flip

1 2