High needs baby

[Jadefeather7]

Anyone here currently struggling with a high needs baby. Mine is 3 months now. Some days I feel like I will lose my mind! Would love to speak to others mums in the same situation.

My first was very colicy in the first 3 months. I remember I barely felt being maternal for a long time due to the struggling to keep up with the no-ending cries and holding him 24hrs.

But it all passed eventually. And he now is a 7 years old funniest and sweetest boy. And I love him with no reservation.

Being parents meaning need to sail through all these phases of developments. Even after they grow up, there are still things to worry about for them. Someone told me at one point, this is exactly the byproduct of parenthood.

Just remember, IT WILL GET BETTER and it's only a phase...

My 9 month old is still what I would say is "high needs" and very sensitive, but he has become a bit easier with each mile stone, e.g sitting and crawling when he could be more independent. Sleep is still very much hit and miss.

Hello 👋 i have what I would describe as a high needs baby too. This is my second child, my eldest was such a dream baby literally eat and sleep in the first few months, then would be in his bouncy chair/walker etc for ages when he became more alert, would entertain himself for hours when older playing with toys. Never had major terrible 2's etc etc, you get the picture. My second is nearly 4 months. The only thing she has in common with him is loving her sleep, she sleeps a good 10 hours a night, with one or 2 feeds since about 10 weeks old and a couple of good naps in the day. But when awake she can only be amused on the floor/in bouncy chair etc for 5/10 mins at a time, she likes to be held but even despite that she whinges constantly, so you have to be in her face entertaining her, rotating activity before she gets bored. And she absolutely hates laying flat (apart from at night will sleep fine) so she screams in a flat pushchair, if you hold her laying down etc. I thought when she got to 3 months that her grumpiness would disappear, I'm still waiting 😂. She also doesn't like being held by anyone else but me, so I can't leave her with anybody unless absolutely necessary, and as I'm breastfeeding she won't take a bottle so I really can't leave her with anybody. I just pray she will outgrow it or at least become better when she's mobile and more able to entertain herself with toys. Is your baby similar?

Hello all! Good to meet you.

@NoNonsense234 my baby is similar. He’s 3 months now. He’s fussing, crying or screaming most of the time. Occasionally happy (usually in the mornings). Needs to be held and walked around or jiggled a lot (the bouncer or swing are ok for a short while only usually) Seems to struggle with napping in the day time but sleeps through the night. What works one day to console him will almost certainly not work the next day so need to keep mixing it up. It’s pretty stressful, that’s why I was hoping to get a bit of discussion going with parents who are going through the same right now.

jadefeather7, my second one right now is 9 weeks old. Fussy most of the time, can't put him down during the day, very windy, spit out milk regularly, has hard time to nap during the day unless falls into sleep straight away after feed (but burping usually wakes him up). All in all, quite labour intensive parenthood. I have to squeeze time to do any housework and even go to the loo. My first born has to accept that I don't have free hands to help him most of the time and I feel so tired that I have no energy to do things with him.

Nevertheless, as I said previously, comparing with the experience with my first born, this is ten times better. And most importantly, I know it's just a phase and they will grow up and all will be paid back when you have a wonderful little boy/girl love you with his/her full heart (and so do you).

So hang on there!

@Jadefeather7 Sounds like we have similar situations going on. The one thing that keeps me going is knowing she sleeps at night, although recently she is up for feeds more and slightly more unsettled but I know others have babies who dont sleep at all and I know which I would prefer!
She has a couple naps in the day but doesn't know how to self settle to sleep and holding, rocking etc doesn't help so she has a complete 10-20 minute meltdown before she sleeps which is draining.
Today has been a horrific day, she has whinged since the minute she opened her eyes this morning, days like this a large glass of wine would go down a treat 😬

Hello all, can I join you? My high-needer is two months old, hates the car seat, the pram and will generally only sleep (not for long though) on me. Windy, fussy, won’t be put down and likes to be walked around on my shoulder. My DS1 was high needs also, was hoping for a slightly easier time this time around... The only plus is that I know it will pass, but it is still so bloody hard.

bottomflannel, exactly the same here! DS2 is 2 months old too!

Knowing it shall pass, I try to take the difficulty lightheartedly. But my sore back, sore shoulders and sore arms disagree! Lol~

I had a high needs DS1. For my mental health I needed to get out to break the day up either to a group or baby swim lesson or even just a walk to supermarket or into town to window shop. I also found a sling was helpful as ds hated the pushchair

Oh I can totally relate. My boy is 10 mo the old now and high needs. All I can say is that he has got easier and easier with every month that has passed. Most of the time he is a delight now, though still exhausting. He was horrendous for the first couple of months of his life and wouldn't nap from around 8 days old. I thought he was broken. We got him into a routine which helped somewhat but he was still so whingy. The thing that helped me most was taking him out of the house twice a day. I really struggled in the early days and hated my NCT friends judging me and wondering what I was doing wrong... but he's just intense and has always been very alert. He honestly is such a happy baby now most if the time but extremely temperamental. The whinging drove me mad. I thought I was actually going to go insane x

Good to be reminded that it does get easier. I’d forgotten quite how knackering it all is!

I suppose i have to agree too, month 1 & 2 were alot worse so it can only get better. I also find after a particularly bad day she seems to have a couple of better ones to balance it out 😂 if nothing else I get out once a day for a walk with the dog to break the day up too.
We just need to hold onto our sanity in the meantime lol.

raises hand another high need baby-mom right here. My beautiful little girl is just turning 8 weeks but having been diagnosed with reflux I can honestly say it's been a nightmare. She is amazing but managing her reflux/gassiness and related issues has been so stressful so I completely relate to this. You literally feel helpless for huge portions of the day and it has such a huge impact on your own wellbeing. I've spent many hours feeling useless trying to console her even though I understand she is in pain rather than it being anything I'm doing wrong. She is medicated but we have just changed meds and so are waiting for the new meds to take effect.

I really sympathise... i find it both reassuring and equally soul destroying that the stress will end in time when all you want right now is a happy, smiling baby to enjoy motherhood with.

Sending good vibes!

I’m struggling with him so much at the moment. Been trying to just brave-face it but I am fast reaching end of tether. I seem to spend my whole day in a dim room rocking, bouncing, patting and shushing to get him to sleep. Then when I do much as try to sit down or make myself more comfortable, he wakes up and screams his head off. Sometimes I stand up and rock and bounce the whole time to try to keep him asleep. Mostly he wakes up after 20 mins wherever he is, as he is uncomfortable, and the whole sorry process starts again. He’s been up and down all night, squirming - he sleeps on me, of course - and woke at 6am, so brought him upstairs for a nap at 7am as he gets tired notoriously quickly. It’s 9.17 and I’ve managed to get him to have about 15mins sleep. I’ve just taken him downstairs and left him with DH and my 8 year old (who I have literally only been able to say good morning to now, and who has so much less of me because his brother is so difficult) and have retreated back upstairs for a cry. Waiting for the inevitable meltdown in a few minutes, which of course I will have to calm him down from.

I don’t know what the answer is. He has a love-hate relationship with the sling. Nursing him is the opposite of relaxing as I have a fast letdown so he chokes and is windy AF. He hates the pram and car seat. DH does his best but DS won’t settle for him at all - cries his head off for me.

I hate this and I miss spending time with my awesome little boy who is missing me. It’s so hard. I feel like if I had one thing that would help him sleep better - that he likes either the car, the pram, took a dummy, anything - that would be enough. As it is, I’m stuck just constantly bouncing and rocking all day because he just won’t sleep long enough.

Sorry for the rant, just need to offload.

My baby is 11 weeks old and very needy and colicky.
He isn't able to self soothe so needs to be rocked and jiggled to sleep for his naps in the day and also at night. Due to his colic, he can spend a good 3-4 hours most evenings just crying inconsolably and nothing calms him down. He only sleeps for 2-3 hour stretches at night. Like your situation, he needs constant touch/attention to stop him winging and screaming all day.
I find it helps to get out in the morning to visit family/friends or go shopping and then in the afternoon, get the push chair out and go for a walk. It helps to break up your day and stimulate baby. Otherwise, it drives you to insanity. Some days it's just so hard and you reach the point where you feel like it's unbearable, just keep telling yourself that it will get better soon.

My house is a tip and i hate that I can't grab a half hour to do chores but I have to try and remember that I can catch up with all that when he is older and can occupy himself as they're only little for a short time.

Not sure if it helps but my baby likes a lot of stimulation when he's awake as he's very active and curious and this helps with the crying. I normally put him on his mat and get out a load of colourful toys and play with them in front of him for half an hour. Then I always try and rock him off for a nap every 1.5 hours as if he stays awake longer than that, it is extremely difficult to get him to sleep.

Stay positive

@bottomflannel I've been through the exact same with my 11 week old boy (above). I've tried so many things to help with his sleeping - you've probably tried it all but some things that helped me were the hairdryer/hoover, there's a white noise video on YouTube for colicky babies (the one with a moon and stars on the picture) - this is the only one which works for my baby. Sometimes he even goes in his Moses basket with this playing. Rubbing between his eyes in a downwards motion whilst your holding him to make his eyes get sleepy.
I also read somewhere that babies have a 45 minutes sleep cycle so if he has a longer nap, he will normally stirs around the 45 min mark, So i try and shush and rock him back to sleep once he starts stirring so he goes for another 45 minutes.

bottomfannel, really feel for you. DS2 is very gasy, but still ten times easier than DS1. I can't remember much of DS1's first year of life, as most of it was filled with blurry dark winter days with a screaming baby who couldn't stand being put down.

Have you tried swaddling? It's tricky to Not wake them up while swaddling. But once it's done properly, it dies help DS2 sleep soundly.

Does he hate being out? Wouldn't a walk in a park or near the road with buzzing traffic passing by help?

Have you tried colief or gripe water and etc.? I didn't try all of them and found gripe water did very little. But before I started colief with him at 3 weeks, he spent three days screaming for More than 3 hours. Since then, I have kept colief as a regular in my nursing box.

Does he have reflux or windy tummy? Maybe just really sore tummy for some reason?

Hope this phase passes quickly!

Forgot to say, with forceful flow and oversupply, with you lie down and the baby facing down to latch on, the gravity would help him a bit.

Thank you both, got a firm grip on myself after I posted and did what needed to be done. Much better day today. The strangest thing happened this morning - put DS into his cot sleepy and just sat with him stroking his cheek - he only went and fell asleep! No crying or anything. Only lasted about 20 mins and it is probably a massive fluke that won’t happen again any time soon, but I’m still celebrating!

Hi all, just wanted to say I have a high needs baby- but now she is 11 months and things are much much better. She can still be clingy but I have definitely been where you all are with her hating buggy, car, sling etc.
One thing I will say, my LG has a dairy intolerance and I think this had a lot to do with the fact i couldnt put her down to for first couple of months. My 1st son was also like this, was also fed on formula and I believe Was also dairy intolerant. Might be worth looking into x

@Aries456 I could have written your post except my boy is 10 months old. Snap, to literally everything you said, including the dairy allergy.

He stated nursery this week. Just 2-hour settling in sessions so far. A fee months ago I couldn't have imagined thus being at all possible. But its actually going well and nursery have said he's doing really well. I'm amazed. This is just to give those of This with younger high needs babies hope. He's still VERY hard work but has become. easier and easier with every month that has passed.

Just wanted to check if you have checked how much your babies are sleeping in a 24 hour period and whether they are only staying awake for the recommended amount of time? We used a sleep consultant a few days back and the change has been incredible. Really recommend trying out a routine. My baby wasn’t high needs, just terribly overtired!

Yes, Jade makes a good point. My son is still high needs but improved dramatically at 2 months when we sorted out his napping! Not all newborn babies sleep all the time!

Joining this discussion late....but I'm with you here, my son is nearly 5months and has been high needs since day 1. He has gotten a lot better as he's gotten older but still demands attention 24/7 literally 24/7 it's a nightmare. He cries (now more of a winge) at ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING, pushchair, sling, car, swing etc, unless I'm carrying him he winges and it's driving me insane. Now with added teething, lucky me!