Toddler trouble - please help!

[katelily2017]

Hi all, I posted something similar last week but didn't get any responses, I'm in desperate need of some advice about how to help DD1 who's 2.5 who is clearly going through a rough time after having a baby sister (4months old).

First 3 months after having a baby DD1's behaviour was amazing! We were actually really shocked at how well she's adapted to having a new baby. In hindsight think that might have been because she was getting so much attention from me and DH and all the family being round all the time. Now things have died down a bit and it's normally just me and the two of them, she seems to be really struggling and I feel like I'm really not coping.

She is constantly pretending to be a baby, wants to have a dummy, be carried everywhere, won't let me leave the room, wants to be with me everywhere I go, won't go to anyone else, she won't even let me go to the bathroom for a second without having a huge screaming fit.

When she's not acting like a baby she is crying and tantruming, we had a tantrum that lasted for 5 hours last Wednesday. She's screaming, kicking hitting etc.

Before this she was a very confident and happy little girl, and she just seems to unhappy all the time now, it's breaking my heart.

I don't know what I can do to get her back to her old self, I have literally tried everything, don't feel like I can give her any more 1 on 1 time than I'm already doing but the time we're spending together isn't doing anything of quality because she wants to be a baby and just cuddle and cry. I've noticed that on the rare occasion that she will be left with someone for longer than 2 minutes she will to a degree start acting normally again.

She's also developed a tick, which when I've researched it sounds like a transient tick brought on by stress. I am at my wits end I feel like the worst mum in the world. It's just making me so so sad.

On the flip side I feel I am spending no time at all with DD2 and feel so sorry for her, I never get to hold her she's constantly in her pram and the only bonding she's having is when I'm breastfeeding her which she's usually asleep for.

I'm just finding it so stressful and just feel at the end of my tether with it all and that I'm letting everyone down. Has anyone been through this, for any tips for how to make it better?

Thanks xxx

You've probably tried this, but perhaps give her some responsibility and make her feel like she is needed and valued. Try and encourage to help with tasks for the baby like changing nappies, letting her hold the baby for short periods of time while you watch tv together on the sofa, etc. Basically so that she knows that she is not in competition with the baby, there is a particular role for her to play in the family, and you don't need 1-1 time as it's not her or the baby, you are a unit. As for 1-1 time with the baby I don't think that's necessary at all bar feeding times, she's only 4 months old and I'm sure it's much more beneficial for her to spend time with her sister.

Let her be a baby in a playful way- She’s doing this to make sure you are still her mummy and can rely on you to meet her need for nurture even though there is another baby on the scene.

So set up opportunities for her to ‘play’ at bring a baby during one on one time with you. By meeting her need for this reassurance in a playful way there is less likelihood that she we regress in a way that holds her back in her development. Indeed if you praise her in her more mature moments she will see that she can please you in this way as much as she will always be your baby.
Does that make sense?