Help with 4 & 6 yr old trashing

[lickencivers]

Just that really. 4 and 6 year olds who trash and wreck mindlessly and then lie about it or refuse to admit it was them.

Yesterday alone from 4 yr old

had whole toilet role put in loo.
Sink filled up and hand soup emptied into it
A brand new birthday present to me of expensive shower stuff smeared into carpet on landing
Other child's drawing scribbled on
Other child's oregami that he had spent ages doing lovely, screwed up
Food just flicked onto floor at meal times
Sofa cushions pulled onto floor

In the last few weeks we had pen all over sofa
Draws on walls
Rips up anything paper
Nail varnish all over another child's teddies
He runs off constantly when out and doesn't stop so now he has to hold my hand which just makes him cry the whole time

These are my step children and I'm getting to my wits end with having to constantly supervise every little thing all the time. Can't even have a shower and leave him watching tv. It's not that he's bored as I've been doing loads with all the kids.

He's like this at his house too and gets sent to his room multiple times a day. That's his punishment there but I don't feel comfortable doing that. I've tried explaining why this stuff is upsetting us all and using the naughty step and a reward chart but it's not getting any better.

Has he got enough exercise and entertainment?

Oh yes. The drawings stuff happened when we were sitting at table doing craft. The running off was at a animal park and at the actual play park. He will sneak off from playing with siblings to do stuff and then come back. Only for me discover much later whts happened

The obvious solution for some of these things is to keep things like nail varnish and shower gel out of reach.

I would say putting the sofa cushions on the floor is fairly normal, as is getting food on the floor but not throwing it.

Origami is paper to a child, they will draw on paper.

To be honest, most of it sounds normal like curiosity. The old toilet roll down the toilet is common place in a house.

I would say it's more that he has a lack of respect for other people's things and teaching respect will probably sort out a lot of these issues

First of all: If you know he's constantly behaving that way, why do you (and your partner, since it's obviously his child) leave him unsupervised so much, which stuff like nail polish in his reach?
I'd start with preventing things in the first place.

About the consequences: I think naughty steps and punishments like that are completely stupid, because there is no connection to what they have done. It doesn't teach them the realistic consequences of their actions.
I'd rather have him help clean up the mess he created. And with "help" I mean do everything he's capable of under supervision and with instruction and you doing the rest. He might think twice about drawing on the sofa, if the result is him having to spend an hour scrubbing it off.
If he doesn't like holding your hand: Tough! If he runs off, he'll have to hold your hand. It's in his own power to stop running off. If he prefers to hold your hand and cry instead of behaving appropriately and have his "freedom", that's his choice. He's old enough to understand that.

... and take a shower when he's asleep or someone else is watching him.

I would expect at nearly 5 that a child knows not to empty a whole bottle of ketchup on the table while I'm cooking.

Or paint on some one else's teddies with nail varnish. Which he had taken from my bedside draw.

Well, you could expect it, that's true. However, you know that this child does it anyway, so why making things harder for everyone by leaving him unsupervised and leaving stuff he shouldn't be touching within his reach?

I remember a child coming to play with my DD when they were both 5 and I left them playing a board game in DD"s bedroom. I checked on them 15 minutes later and the friend had coloured all over DD's pale duvet cover.

I was nonplussed. None of my kids ever did that sort of thing.

Some kids I think are always seeking results...they just love to follow their impulses and haven't matured in that area...the area which lets them know "That's not a good idea"

Work on his impulses and try to help him make the right choices. He may grow out of it soon.

My DN was always doing things like this - she was finally diagnosed with ADHD age 9.5