I don't really know where to start - ds is 2.8 and I ca't cope some days!

[Mummy2TandF]

Well I really don't know where to start. ds started crawling at 6 months and has been on the go ever since. When he was about 8 months I used to say "no" to things like touching the plugs etc but he would totally ignore me, My parents said that I should control him better but he paid NO attention at all even when moved away over and over again - it never seemed to sink in. Our stratergy in the end was to move everything dangerous out of his way so that he wasn't constantly told no. He was walking at 10 months and never walked slowly, he tears everywhere and is very vocal! Sometimes he will be sitting down and just scream/screech for no reason (parents suggested tourettes), sorry - I am going on a bit now but needless to say ds has never been an "easy" child (if theres is such a thing), But now he is 2.8 I am finding things really hard some days - I am sitting here crying because of the day we had today, he has had the hoover out of the cupboard despite being told over and over that he couldn't have it - He said he needs the hoover, of course I took it off of him because I had said no to which we had a 10 minute screaming tantrum, He was playing in the garden and managed to unlock dh's garage and has had every power tool out, I had again told him no, so he had to come in the house - he ran away from me so I picked him up kicking and screaming and brought him into the house, told him why he couldn't play outside, to which he said sorry mummy got straight up and tried to get back outside. He has tipped a whole bottle of fruit juice over the floor in the lounge and we went to my sisters house today and he went into meltdown. Have just had my mum on the phone saying that if I can't control him I will have to get him referred as his behavious isn't right - I normally think that he behaves the same as other children his age (and we do mix with lots of other children) but he is very strong willed determined and into everything, but today I felt that I couldn't cope with him and felt like he has been crying and screaming all day. Nothing seems to be working, he runs off if he is not in his buggy, He has the attention span of a knat, and he is really bossy .... I don't really know why I am posting, just to vent I suppose and for any suggestions on how to deal with him

Can't offer any constructive help I'm afraid, just sympathy. Terrible twos are well-named and it will stop eventually. DOn't worry too much about other people saying there must be something wrong with him: toddlers are naughty. It's what they do. And it passes. Of course, if you yourself feel there's something not right then ask for help, but otherwise, take it easy and best of luck.

Thanks Madamez - I don't really think there is anything wrong with him as he is like a lot of the other children that we play with, But he does seem more determined, seem to ignore me a lot more and doesn't learn from his mistakes IYKWIM, He could fall and hurt himself trying to get onto the worksurface but will quite happily do it again. Also he does seem to have less concentration than a lot of his peers ... somebody once suggested that he could just be intelligent and is bored, which I do think myself sometimes, but also my mu keeps saying that she thinks there is a problem somewhere, he can scream and cry for 45 minutes if he doesn't get his own way or if he wants me (when he is at mums) and you can't console him or ditract him. And he just NOT do as he is told - mind you he does seem to be getting better in that respect but he still ignores 99% of everything I say or ask and he is very argumentative and bossy ..... are all 2.8 yr olds this extreme?

sounds like ds1!
he turned 2 on the 17th.
i feel like you do today i think. i texted dh at work at 4.40pm and told him he best not be late home!!

he took his clothes & nappy off and pooed on the carpet, twice.
threw my mums sunglasses at the wall when she popped in to see us for 10 minutes.
pinched ds2 about 15x throughout the day.
emptied his drink out over the dog.
poured his drink into ds2s lunch.
ran off down the street when i was trying to get him onto the car then threw himself down on the pavement when i caught him.
fed his dinner to the dogs then asked for cheese.
put the remote control in the dog water bowl.

this was a naughtier than usual day but he did not have a sleep today and despite what some people on here say, i find he is naughtier when he is tired. i am not saying it is an excuse to be naughty, but it certainly seems to fuel him, for whatever reason.

my mother constantly says 'he is so naughty' 'you must get control of him before its too late' 'none of you were like he is' and i'm thinking, yes thanks for your comments, very helpful!

he is also very determined and stubborn to boot. i think a lot of my ds' problem is he gets bored. if i could read books to him all day he would be easy but i also have ds2 to care for who is 10m and poorly atm.

i believe it will pass, and i cling on to that to keep me going. like i knew his colic would pass when he was little. i clung to that knowledge.

others who have come through the other side, with the mental scars to prove it no doubt will no doubt have posted by now!

keep your chin up and come and vent here. it helps when nothing else does!

ps: mine totally ignores me too!

ladyoftheflowers - Thanks, I think we could have clones! and clone mums as well, that is exactly the way my mum sees things - but she only had 2 girls and I am sure that boys are different. I also am convinced that ds is worse when he is tired, but he is at that stage of refusing to have a daytime nap but finally conking out at about 5:30pm, which is too early - so I find myself having to dance/jump and sing etc with him until about 6:30/7:00pm when I can get him into bed. It seems constant thoug and I have a dd of 8 months, so can't be with ds all the time yesterday he:-
Tipped a whole bottle of baby bath into the bath and turned on the taps.
Sprayed the shower head all over the bathroom ceiling.
Tipped cocktail sticks all over the kitchen floor (by climbing onto worksurface)
Emptied dishwasher salt into the dishwasher (a whole box)
he needs to be doing something the whole time and I do watch him - I do not let things go, but it only takes him a second to do things and I need to go to the loo at some point - I am sooo worn out

Your DS sounds like my 2.2 year old DS too! He often ignores me and also doesn't learn from his mistakes. He wants to run away from me all the time and can't take no for an answer. I think he hit my 15 month old dd about 20 times today and he can't see her have anything! For example, he wil slap her across the face and take her toy off her so I put him in the naughty spot for it. Once he has had his time there he will say 'sorry dd' and then go straight over and wallop her again!

Maybe it's a 2 year old boy thing? I'm hoping it will pass

Your ds sounds so much like mine (he just had his 3rd birthday last week)

Bossy, stubborn, argumentative, screams, regularly has dd (nearly 10) in tears because he says such nasty things to her...well, nasty in her opinion, though she is very sensitive tbh! And he's naughty beyond belief...draws on any available surface, breaks everything, HAS to be in a buggy if we're out, or God forbid , tips anything he can get down toilet (including cat food)..you get the picture! And he really doesn't respond to "no".

And, though my mum is the loveliest lady you could ever meet, I often get the "you've got to take him in hand" speech.

Please don't take it too seriouly at this stage when people suggest your child has tourettes etc...your ds is probably not screaming for no reason. What is his speech like? My ds only started talking properly about 4 months ago, and his screaming has definitely reduced since he is able to tell us what he wants.

Also, sorry if this sounds obvious or patronising, but instead of saying no when he's doing something you don't want him to, does distracting him work? For instance, we had a hoover obsession, and a "i need it, and nothing's going to shut me up til I get it" attitude. So, instead of the usual yelling, and telling him no (which only makes him worse) I gave him the kitchen brush, dustpan and brush set, and made it seem really exciting to play with these things, cos they're mummy's, and it's really special to get them. Of course it doesn't work all the time, that would just be too easy!

I would say that between the age of your ds (2.8) and age 3, there's been a definite improvement, though my ds is still really naughty and determined, I've just resigned myself that he's an individual with a mind of his own, which, hey, isn't always such a bad thing!

My DD is 2.7 and her behaviour has got worse recently, although I am sure its due in part to her new baby brother (5 weeks), so she is wanting more attention. I do find that being stricter and making sure there are consequences for her actions helps. If she runs away in the street, she has to wear reins. Screaming and other 'offences' means 2 mins on naughty step. Playing/messing with things she shouldn't means they get put on a high shelf til the next day, or put somewhere else out of reach. It will result in a meltdown, but you have to show you mean business.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Have you tried a rewards system? We haven't yet, but will if necessary.

If there are no boundaries or consequences, she behaves even worse. We 'allowed' her some leeway as she was adjusting to new baby, but by being stricter again, she is improving.

At this age, they seem to really crave attention, so make sure you ignore tantrums, and praise good behaviour.

Also if we say NO it makes DD want something even more. Friends of ours use reverse phsycology (sp?) with their 2 yo, which may work for you.

My DS now 9 had a thing for the hoover and other electrical appliances at about 18 months, he never went through the terrible twos (phewwwww!!!!) But i did have it at 18 months when he would yell for the hoover, iron, kettle etc...my solution I bought toy versions. I now have lots of memorable videos of him with these items next to me while I was doing the ironing etc. He also loved playing with his pram again I bought a toy one and it stopped. Not everyones idea but I don't put toys into gender I put them into fun and practicality (sp).

As for walking with me in the street I didn't have a problem with that he used to walk by my side but i think this was because I used to sing and play all up the road....still do actually lol. Have never used reins but that was a personal choice I don't like them so refused to use them.

The difference is I was on my own with 1 child so I had unlimited time for him.

As for afternoon naps he gave them up when he was 9 months old....little tyke lol a solution I found for this was I would lay down with him, even on the sofa pretend to go to sleep and he would snuggle into me and sleep as well. Once he was settled I would creep up and get on with what I had to do.

You say you have another dc what time it nap time for her/him? can't you all lay down at same time? Maybe it will work maybe it won't.

In the case of daddys power tools buy him some of his own and move the lock on the shed higher out of his reach....you can get some great toy power tools in toys r us and I am sure you can get a little tool box. Rather than tell him no he can't touch replace the temptation with his own ones.

Do read to him as often as you can include other dc or alternativly buy some story cd's, Argos used to do a childs mp3 player that had pre recorded stories on it...may be worth investing in one for him.

If you think he is bored find something that will challenge him....what is his favourite thing......if it is cars then buy him a car lego set for his age or slightly older. Again it might or might not work.

Hope this has helped if not.....SORRY and GOOD LUCK

Sounds like a handful all right!

I would agree with buying him children's versions of hoovers etc. My DS went through the same hoover obsession and I bought him a little one - he loved it. Used to follow our old Bulgarian cleaner around as she was hoovering. And sometimes I let him have the real hoover. Supervised obv! But he loved it and it kept him occupied.

When you tell him off do you convey displeasure in your voice? I ask because I have noticed some people "telling off" in the same tone of voice they use to ask if child wants a biscuit and the child just ignores the telling off. My I am a shouter so convey displeasure easily whereas my DH doesn't and for a long time DS didn't really get when DH was telling him off or saying no seriously.

Little boys of that age are like puppies and should be treated as such. There is another thread atm about 6 year old boys and cod gives great advice - applicable to all boys! here

Good luck!

Hi all, Thanks for your replies, he has toy versions of everything but they are just not the same to him - very occasionally if he says he "needs" daddys hammer to fix something it will work if I say "I know, Why dont you get your hammer", but the toy hoover etc lost their charm about 1 week after he got them!
I try to give alternatives instead of saying no all the time but he is soooo determined he wants what he wants, but I don't give in which gives rise to the screams!
This morning he didn't get up until 8:30 and has already climbed onto dd's cot and "fixed" the light in her room and pulled a dining room chair into the kitchen, got the back door key from the cupboard (where it is hiden, supposedly out of reach) and opened the shed/utility room and locked himself in for 15 minutes until I could tempt him out! I am shattered, I think I need a tramploine for him LOL! Well at least we are off to a soft play centre this afternoon, that should wear him out

HE sounds exactly the same as my 2.8yo, including the hoover obsession and the need to 'fix' things with proper tools. He broke into our shed and put stuff in the tumble dryer and turned it on - luckily he missed the cans of paint that were there.

He has destroyed all my cosmetics/lotions/casette tapes, broken most our doors now (by slamming them repeatedly), and other stuff too much to mention.

Telling him off either leads to him screaming the place down or it makes no impression on him at all.

Take him out early in the morning if you can to somewhere where he can run around most of the day and tire himself out.

On the other hand he is funny, affectionate, bright and lovely and I wouldn't swop him.

I just wish he had an off switch