Horrible 7 Year Old - at breaking point

[AnnieOnAMapleLeaf]

I just want to run away. My 7 year old son is an absolute horror. He is constantly in trouble at school and at camp. He is one incident away from being kicked out of summer camp leaving us well and truly fucked until school resumes in September. He was kicked out of summer camp last year too.

I'm at a loss. We've tried EVERYTHING. We've done reward charts, we've learned to bite our lips and stay calm, we've had him screened by a paediatrician, we've enrolled him in anger management group therapy courses. Nothing works.

I can't continue like this for much longer. I want out - of this house, this family, this life! I don't know how anyone could live like this with the constant screaming and shouting. I'm tired of crying because of my son. I'm so tired. I can't do this.

What do we do? I am so close to just medicating him into oblivion and cutting our losses. And yes, I get it, that makes me a truly awful mother. But what else are we supposed to do?

Try, if not already:
Cutting out sweets
More fruit and veg
More hugs and kisses
Learn his love language and communicate in that way
Take him to see a gp for any necessary assessments for any behaviour issues
Breathe in and out
Have a gratitude list
Words have effect. Don't call him a horror. He may become one
Medicating him??

We've tried all of that and more. Yes, I want to medicate him.

Actually, if I'm being honest, I don't even care anymore. I don't want to be here anymore. This "family" is killing me. You have no idea how awful it feels to have virtually no care for your children anymore.

Never mind then I guess.

You could get him section 20'd

Do they section 7 year olds?? I'm not in the UK but I may need to look into this as a last resort.

This sounds horrendous, we’re not far off this scenario but we’ve had no involvement from healthcare professionals so far. I definitely think that DW and I could do with our own therapy in just improving our own resilience in dealing with everything - mainly her as I’m a bit more resilient and not dealing with the child day-in and day-out at the moment.

I don’t have any answers for the kid, but you definitely sound like you could do with a hand.

Has he been checked medically? and by that I don't mean by a GP but by a development pediatrician or child psychologist. If things are as bad as you describe he might be suffering from a undiagnosed neurological condition; things like ADD, ADHD, ASD, etc could explain some of his behaviors/difficulties.

That sounds super-stressful! Three thoughts.

First, is he kind-of explosive/inflexible? Hair-trigger temper, makes a fuss over nothing, goes off into a huge temper for seemingly trivial reasons? Quite a few of us with these kinds of kids have found that Ross Greene's Explosive Child book and Lives in the Balance website is a lifesaver. It doesn't depend on any particular diagnosis, and it doesn't rule out medication either.

Second, agree with AladdinMum that there is probably something underlying this behaviour and it's worth pushing for more investigations.

And third, I agree with pp about getting some help and support for yourselves. You sound totally depleted. I found an hour a week with a counsellor helped me to steady myself and find ways forward.

Thank you for the messages. We had him assessed by a developmental paediatrician who said that while he had some markers of ADHD, he did not have enough markers to warrant a diagnosis.

While we were doing the assessments and the angers management group, life was blissful. We have nearly 2 months of peace and now it's worse than ever before.

He is extremely explosive. That is 99% of his issue. He explodes at the slightest issue and it takes forever to calm him down. We have Ross Green's book but haven't found it helpful.

You could get him section 20'd

Do they section 7 year olds?? I'm not in the UK but I may need to look into this as a last resort.

I don't think pp meant "sectioned" but was referring to voluntary foster care. How would you feel if this were an option? I've known families at breaking point who agreed for their child to be temporarily fostered. It enabled them, and professionals to assess how much of the behaviour was due to the child's difficulties and how much of it was a response to the family dynamic. Would this be something that you would pursue?

Have YOU as parents been in therapy? Together with your child and without him?
Because if not, I think you should.

Hi, I think you're one of those parents who has been fobbed off by the professionals. If they suspected ADHD but he didn't quite have enough markers, you need to insist that they assess him over longer periods of time and in all scenarios. Did anyone ever come to your house and assess him there? Did anyone go to his school and assess him there as well?

Another epic blowout tonight. He's impossible to rationalize with. It's just impossible. I'm done. Can't do it anymore. Can't parent a kid who won't let me. Probably just can't parent at all. I'm a shitty human but I can't be his mom anymore. I just can't. It's killing me.

He may have adhd or a dual diagnosis. Seven years old can be too early to diagnose adhd with certainty. Please do not feel stuck and hopeless. Let your gp know you can't cope. That you need help right now.

@AnnieOnAMapleLeaf try watching some youtube videos on therapeutic parenting (Christine moers is good), and read some articles about it, and PACE parenting, may be useful to help keep things calm and both of you happier if you never get a diagnosis or while you are waiting. There's some books too, I think the main one is the ABCs of therapeutic parenting by Sarah Naish