My 5 year old is experiencing Anger issues
Cbh85 · 09/07/2019 14:19
I really could do with a friend right, someone i can confind in without being judged!
We moved back from living in a city to my old local town, a small close knit community! Not long after my first born was born i just had this feeling/urge to move back.
My Son is 5 and very enthusiastic! Hes very confident and turns heads with his manner. Always has. Since school the cuteness is fading and the manner are slipping.... a commom trate many of us new school mums notice and can relate too. We've transitioned from crying (very dramatically) when not getting his own way.... to now getting cross, agressive in his tone, pushing pupils (if they're the reason for his upset) and recently he kicked his teacher..... who he adores btw. Made zero sense. He gets so frustrated sometimes (they say) its hard to bring him around.
Im concerned that this is going to develop and get worse.
I have been in to school for chats and discussions about his behaviour and i feel positive (interms of how they seem proactive in helping him in class) and yet deflated because i wonder whats happened to my boy. At home i cant get much out of him at all, what was for dinner.... who did you play with..
All i get is.... yep great day, i played with everyone, think we had chips. Hes too busy to care. He doesnt seem so highly strung at home. Dint get me wrong, he has show us hes capable when hes talking to his 2 year old brother through gritted teeth because hes knocked down his legos or sonething. But generally my husband and i feel hes as we'd expect a 5 hear old to be.
We've had an assessor come into the school and they feel he has isssues with social cues and interaction. Oddly since hes super friendly. Yeh i kinda of can see hes bossy and when aroud strangers/kids he'll say hinmy name is...... lets play.... rather than hi whats your name? Im..... hes very capable, but in his own bubble. Its his way or no way.
Hes a very bright boy and since school have began reading certain days with older kids and participates in spelling etc even though his year group havent started that yet. Sometimes ge tells me hes bored with work and gets cross if hes not allowed to play in the 'outdoor area' etc. If he doesnt get chosen to help teacher daily he gets upset and becomes disruptive, if the teacher is absent he gets upset. He hates change at school.
Plus i feel he doesnt gel with the other 6 boys in his year group, they seems mildy immeture in there form of play, where as he wants to go ei6th the older boys and play foot ball, yet the frustration comes out when he cant yet quite grasp that "john isnt choosing to no pass the football to you... its because hes on the other team!" ...... zero patience either!!!
He eats well, has always gone to bed brilliantly, hes happy with his routine at home. Always happy in the morning, easy going.
Full of high emotions. When hes happy hes 110% happy when hes cross hes cross hes 110% cross.... very black and white.
Also its been suggeted to see a gp as theres thoughts he may be ever so slightly on the spectrum.
What hurts and saddens me the most is worrying hes unhappy or has an issue he cant express. I really am trying so hard to get to the root of it. But he genuinely seems so "nothing mum, chill out (with smile on his face) " it makes me then feel like im over looking at it all.
When these meetings are not making me feel anxious when they keeo saying, we need to find the trigger..... whats causing it.
I read a social media post today that stressdd (And as some say.... ) theres no such thing as a bad kid..... just bad parents :( ...... and other things imply if a young child is unhappy or feels insecure they will act out in anger. This really worries me.
We have a loving home and a wonderful big family, in arms reach. why is my boy so angry??
AnyaMumsnet · 10/07/2019 15:38
Hi there OP,
We're really sorry to hear you're feeling this like. We're just giving this a little bump in case anyone can help .
AmaryllisNightAndDay · 10/07/2019 16:55
To be honest your DS reminds me quite a lot of mine at the same age. (Except no little brother) DS was very sociable and outgoing and could be an absolute delight especially one to one with an adult. And even his nursery, where he had been happily settled since he was a baby, didn't notice a major problem. A few tantrums maybe when things didn't go his way, occasional trouble with other kids if an adult was not on hand to sort things out, a tendency to get overtired and overexcited when there were any changes.... but nothing unusual until he started school. But when he started school, it was like flipping a switch. He couldn't cope with all the other kids, the constant noise and moving about. He could be fine when he was settled and on task, doing schoolwork, but in the playground whole other story. Or if a supply teacher came in. Or if the other kids wouldn't do things his way. Or if things didn't happen exactly the way he expected.
It's good that your DS has the control not to lash out at his little brother when the lego gets knocked down. My DS was quite volatile over things like that. So that's a good sign for your DS.
To cut a very long story short, my DS was diagnosed with an ASC. He needed (and got) support in school, and we adapted how we dealt with him at home and his behaviour in school calmed down gradually. He also got help with social-communication skills over the years which helped him get on more smoothly with other kids. And despite his ups and downs at school DS is a happy university student now. So I think it's worth pursuing the school's suggestion to see
your GP and ask for a referral. They will check other possible issues, not just ASC, and your DS will be on the path to getting whatever support he needs.
Cbh85 · 10/07/2019 21:43
I cant thank youbenough for replying!! Felt a bit emotional ready this.
He had his school report today (hes in reception heading into year one in September) and it was brilliant..... apart from the social scene.
I think you're right and my husband and i agreed too that a visit to the GP is a must.
Over the weekend i taught my son to blow his anger into his hand and then make a rocket and push/shoot it upto the sky and explode it with open hands to get rid of it. And to also say his 'cross words' in his head... so like magic nobody can hear him.... only he knows what secret things he says when hes feeling cross. But just as importantly if it counts and need to be said.... he must express his worries/angry to his teacher/us.
This was purely because when someone annoys him hes been (copying) and using some horrid and cheeky phrases to the kids in his class. Hes pushing boundaries!
Anyway..... since trying this he came home witha sicker twice already this week!! We haventbhad stickers for a while.... we'd get them alot before. Hes chuffed to bits.... as are we.
I just want him to have the support he needs. Hes a brilliant boy. But for me and it being a small school its as if tbey've never come across 'this' before. Its been hard to see him change since starting school.
Thanks so so much again!!!
Great advice and comft.
Hope you're Son is having a ball!!
AmaryllisNightAndDay · 11/07/2019 09:39
Glad to hear your DS is having a good week! Yes, my DS is enjoying his summer holidays - half the time learning even more maths, half the time watching YouTube videos and going out with his friends. His idea of a fun holiday until DH and I drag him off for a week in the sun - but he'll forgive us so long as there's wifi
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