Sorry if this is long, it’s been worrying me for years. DS2 is 12 and I think he shows signs of some form of ADHD. I’ve read up about it and it seems to fit with inattentive ADHD but am just not sure if this is just his personality. When he was under 7, he definitely seemed to have a lot of traits that were similar to ADHD except that he didn’t have problems taking turns and didn’t shout out or interrupt. Physically he was definitely impulsive (climbing chests of drawers, jumping into swimming pools when unable to swim, running off a lot). However, he always slept well and still does. Nothing seemed to bother him and no telling off every had any effect on him.
He has calmed down a bit physically but is still very active, unable to sit still and fidgets a lot. We moved schools when he was 8 as he had a teacher who seemed to actively dislike him, concentration has always been an issue and we felt the teacher concerned found him incredibly frustrating. The school move helped but he always seemed to be in trouble for not starting/completing tasks, keeping still when asked, listening and focusing on tasks, appearing not to pay attention or listen. However, he is kind and would never intentionally hurt anyone.
He has now started secondary school and appears to be doing well, he is not a high achiever but not failing either, so I think he just gets missed. The main problem now is organising himself, getting him out of the door in the morning is incredibly frustrating. He has an hour to get up, dressed and breakfast and still can’t manage to get himself out on time. We have tried getting him up early, getting his bag packed the night before, keeping an eye on him but nothing works. He seems to get ‘stuck’ as soon as he meets an obstacle e.g. today DD came to tell me that he was lying on the living room floor as he was sad, I went to speak to him and he was upset I had got an ingredient for cooking class that he didn’t like, he hadn’t said anything to me about what he wanted so I was oblivious of this but he just couldn’t seem to get past it or If he can’t find socks he will just sit down with no clothes on and can’t do anything else. Homework is a huge issue and if he has a concentrated task, he will have a massive melt down before starting it, it can take hours.
I’ve also read up on sensory processing disorders and he seems to fit a under/hypo sensitivity pattern. He has an incredibly high pain tolerance (dislocation without letting us know for 24 hours, emergency surgery after going to a friend’s party instead of letting us know he was in pain for something that is meant to be excruciating). He has a bit of hypermobility so can be unbalanced and uncoordinated, disorganised, worries, always on the go.
The last issue is that if he feels something is unfair, whether it is or not, he will completely melt down and can’t get over it. If accusing him of doing anything wrong, you have to be very specific or he will deny it e.g. Why did you throw a ball at DD? He will deny it even if you saw him until finally, he says ‘I threw it and she got in the way’.
Thank you for reading all this, I just don’t know whether or how to get this checked out or if this is just his nature and I shouldn’t try and label him.