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Need advice -22 month old developmental delays

23 replies

sav0226 · 12/06/2019 08:22

Hello everybody,
For the last few months I have been staying up all night ridden with anxiety and stress because of my son. He is a lovely boy but I have been worried about his development and whether or not he’s autistic...here are some of the things I’ve been noticing :

PROS (imo): 1. Makes eye contact

  1. Is able to play with his toys properly , including drive his cars and stack legos
  2. Incredibly loving towards family ...LOVES CUDDLING and getting hugs
  3. Runs to greet his dad when he comes from work
5.raises his arms when he wants to be picked up along with grabs our hands/ pushes us to where he wants us to go
  1. Not fussy about food..will eat anything
  2. Active kid
  3. Is always excited to see close family he likes
  4. Enjoys being around other kids and tried to show off when we have guests over...laughs like crazy when kids play with him

Cons:

  1. Not verbal- this is one of the most stressful things for me...he won’t speak and he’s a relatively quiet toddler, babbles but rarely. He does let us know what he wants in other ways..like hands us his milk bottle if he wants milk or pushes us to the kitchen if he wants something else
  2. Does not imitate what we do
  3. Does not point
  4. Does not respond to name all the time...now sometimes I think he purposely ignores me because I’ll say his name he’ll give me a quick side glance, smile, and continue with his life
  5. Likes to play alone sometimes...if he wants to he’ll bring me toys to play with him, and sometimes he’ll ignore me even if I’m trying to play with him so he can play by himself
  6. Can’t really follow directions ..the only directions he follows consistently is when I ask him to get his shoes

I wanted to know from experienced moms if I should be extremely worried about autism , and what symptoms are the most concerning or is my child just a normal toddler. Also if your children were diagnosed with autism what traits did they display at 2 years old

OP posts:
AladdinMum · 12/06/2019 09:33

I do think you have valid concerns, have you spoken to your GP about your concerns? I think your son will need to be checked by a development pediatrician. Not pointing (to request and share) at 22M is concerning as there is a strong correlation between not pointing by 20M and autism. Non-verbal is normally not concerning as speech delays are very common at this age but as it is happening together with him not pointing and delays in receptive language it makes it concerning. Is he able to follow your point? if you point, does he look in the direction where you are pointing? or does he just look at your hand? does he follow your gaze? if you turn your head and say "look" does he look in the direction of where you are looking? autistic children really struggle with these concepts (as they struggle to interpret these social cues)

He does have great skills, and is clearly very social. However, autism impairs social communication not being social so unfortunately none of your points in the list of pros can rule out autism. Many autistic children can are very social, cuddly and love-able - but they struggle interpreting social cues and with social communication.

I assume you have taken the MCHAT (if not, take it online, it only takes 5 minutes and is free) - how much does he score? it will give you a good indication.

ElyElyOy · 12/06/2019 09:40

if you are concerned speak to your HV: they will usually get a hearing test done and then do an ages and stages questionnaire.

Being non-verbal at this age isn’t uncommon at all. Also with following instructions are you putting them to him at “his level” or yours? So for example are you saying stuff like “get your shoes and coat we are going to the park” or “sit down and eat your sandwich so you can have a pudding”. If so break it down: “get coat”, “sit down” etc. Just minimal words and instructions.

My son is autistic and some of what you have as a “cons” he does, but many of your “pros” he doesn’t do. I do think that maybe just speaking to your HV about how you are feeling might help, because it your concerns are keeping you awake all night I think maybe that’s something that needs addressing Smile

sav0226 · 12/06/2019 12:47

Tbh we never really pointed with him. It wasn’t until one of our family friends noted this that me and my husband realized that we were never really big pointers. And while we are at work he is with his grandparents who never point either...does that have something to do with it?

OP posts:
sav0226 · 12/06/2019 12:52

Thanks for your advice. I think one of the reasons it keeps me up is because of mommy guilt. I started medical school when he was 11 months and wasnt able to given him basically any time. So sometimes I feel like it’s my fault he’s fallen behind

OP posts:
AladdinMum · 12/06/2019 13:44

It is not your fault, please don't blame yourself, toddlers thrive in all types of environments, they actually require very little learning, it would take something very extreme to slow them down, so you have done nothing wrong. Pointing is an emergent skill (and not a taught skill), so similar to crawling/walking and unlike waving. So you can have a child isolated in a room for the first 18 months of his life, never showing them how to point, crawl/pull-up/walk or wave and they will still start to crawl/walk and point (to request and share) but not wave (pointing and crawling are emergent skills while waving is a learned skill) - this has been shown in many studies.

I agree with the previous poster that he should get his hearing and eyesight checked just to rule out the obvious and you should really discuss your concerns with his pediatrician. If any concerns are raised in the MCHAT test they will take that very seriously (though lack of pointing to request and share will automatically fail him in the test but worth checking if there are any other areas of concern.).

sav0226 · 13/06/2019 21:23

So little update...the last few days I’ve been pointing like crazy to my son. And he just pointed today on his own. Just to my face and only once. But it did make me so happy 😀

OP posts:
AladdinMum · 13/06/2019 22:18

that is great news! :)

Mummy0ftwo12 · 16/06/2019 09:43

My son didn't point until 2.5 and it wasn't autism - but was a speech and language delay - i found the website teachmetotalk really useful, there are several stages a toddler needs to master before talking, gestures (e.g. pointing) is about halfway down the list, understanding language is on there - take a look OP, there are lots of free video clips and podcasts.

Dad1907 · 03/01/2021 03:14

@sav0226 any update on ur child? What was the diagnosis?

Dad1907 · 03/01/2021 03:17

Sorry for the abrupt post above but this just sounds like our son so wanted to understand if you had an update so that we could see if it’s something similar

Sabu1234 · 27/06/2021 21:59

Hi @sav0226 how is your sons progression, would love to hear an update. In a very similer situation to how you were a couple of yours ago.

snoobydoo · 28/06/2021 11:06

@Sabu1234

Hi *@sav0226* how is your sons progression, would love to hear an update. In a very similer situation to how you were a couple of yours ago.
hi i am not a post owner but my son 22 months old and i have some concerns. what about you?
Sabu1234 · 28/06/2021 13:23

Hello @snoobydoo, what are your concerns about your ds?

snoobydoo · 28/06/2021 13:42

@Sabu1234

Hello *@snoobydoo*, what are your concerns about your ds?
he is happy chappy very cuddly boy. he has lots of words he can count say colours or animals but lack of response to his name. doesn't take any command if i ask give me he would not listen. repetative behaviour-running up down in the room- also he would not ask me anything if he needs water he would just go and grab if he cant grab he would have tantrum. i am seeing specialist this friday wonder what she will say..
Coljoy123 · 28/06/2021 15:51

My son is also 22 months and not talking. Follows my point but won’t point himself. Doesn’t answer to name every time, doesn’t wave.. he’s affectionate, loves a laugh and brings toys to me to play with. Scores 4 on MChat. Have gone down a rabbit hole in past few days on autism signs and can barely sleep with worry. I just wonder if these signs can be present but it not necessarily mean autism? Has anyone had that experience? 😟

snoobydoo · 28/06/2021 16:42

@Coljoy123

My son is also 22 months and not talking. Follows my point but won’t point himself. Doesn’t answer to name every time, doesn’t wave.. he’s affectionate, loves a laugh and brings toys to me to play with. Scores 4 on MChat. Have gone down a rabbit hole in past few days on autism signs and can barely sleep with worry. I just wonder if these signs can be present but it not necessarily mean autism? Has anyone had that experience? 😟
i am experiencing smilar things which is also 22 months old. seeing specialist on friday which it will be a zoom call i dont know how it will go.. i had so many sleepless nights as well. judging his every moments make me sick and makes me feel very bad. i just want to be he is happy and not facing any difficulties in the future?:(
Coljoy123 · 28/06/2021 17:16

Your son sounds more advanced with numbers and colours, you should be very encouraged by that. But I know the worry, it’s all I’m thinking about and am a bit consumed by it atm. Can you tell me what kind of specialist you are seeing? Also, if you don’t mind me asking of course, did you need to go private to speed things up? I’ve just emailed my HV today, I don’t know where to start.. the more I read the more I’m noticing

Coljoy123 · 28/06/2021 17:18

Snooby,like you I just want my DS not to have to face any big difficulties. Life is hard enough when you are Neuro -typical. I really hope you have a positive appointment this Friday 🙏🏻

snoobydoo · 28/06/2021 17:33

@Coljoy123

Your son sounds more advanced with numbers and colours, you should be very encouraged by that. But I know the worry, it’s all I’m thinking about and am a bit consumed by it atm. Can you tell me what kind of specialist you are seeing? Also, if you don’t mind me asking of course, did you need to go private to speed things up? I’ve just emailed my HV today, I don’t know where to start.. the more I read the more I’m noticing
where to start.. i spoke with hv when he is one year old and he referred us hackney ark (you can look up ) they said he is so young we will see.. so he had his another appointment almost year later in same place. i was not happy with result. doctor was keep concentrating to negatives when we say what he does she is almost every respond start with but.. which is very upsetting. also she mentioned she is not there to concentrate positives she is there to look negatives which i dont agree.

anyway she said she thinks he has asd but this doesnt mean ayhting in this point and referred us to another 2 teams but mentioned it can take quite a long time. i dont have any patience for that.. so i start to search private one.

i am from another country and i have a friend child psychiatrist she found me a very good professor specialist and i send her like 30 videos and we will have zoom call on friday. someone like her would cost us £500 in uk but because of currency difference i paid so much less than that.

i will update here what she thinks after session. i can see some stuff he does amazing but some stuff he is like in another world it is really hard to know .

in meantime i am not letting him any screen time just trying to talk to him about everything, trying to point everything take all his cars away (he loves laying on the floor and just push his car up down )just left books, puzzles and all kind of imaginery toys.

you can try same thing with your little one i dont know is he talk at all but if he wants water just ask him a question do you want a water-here is your water -my dear son thirsty bla bla.. do you know what i mean? sorry english is not my first language. this is the other thing ds learning 2 languages same time and it is not making any easier.

I wish you best with your little man as well fingers crossed for both of them!

Hirewiredays · 28/06/2021 17:39

Your post sounds like my son at the age. It was deemed to be a language delay eventually. He wanted to play on his own, didn't always imitate, didn't point, didn't want to interact unless had to. He has caught up with his peers and he's now 6.

Recently, I took my son for an assessment for ADHD and ASD as he likes to play alone still and struggled with follow instructions; he also struggled with low level behaviour when doing something he doesn't want to do. Autism and ADHD ruled out and the psychiatrist said it's just his personality and nothing wrong with him.

When speaking the the psychiatrist these were red flags: they need to come and show you if they hurt themselves, doesn't interact with other people, won't go with others, issues with food and has to have a routine with food; and usually runs in the family.

I think what I've learnt is model the expected behaviours always, be strong with your expectation of responses and behaviour that are at a reasonable level (ie, give choices of food and if not asked for with correctly don't give), rewards and behaviours (we love a sticker/marble jar).

He still struggle with imitation but he's a really bright button.

Hirewiredays · 28/06/2021 17:40

Oh and they spoke about sleep being another red flag.

Shijo · 02/07/2021 00:43

Hey everyone. This is the first time I'm writing in a forum because I have no one to ask. A very worried first time mom here. I have a 23 month old who doesn't say any word. He doesn't point. Instead he hand leads if he wants anything. He doesn't dance to music. He's very very affectionate, loves cuddling or kisses me without even asking sometimes. Good eye contact most of the time. He grew up in lockdown so he didn't have much opportunity to socialize with others. Been going to nursery for few hours for past two months.

He can imitate some of my facial expressions like blowing raspberries, playing with tongue. He repeats if I papa and dada but couldn't repeat anything else. He's keen to learn words. Keeps bringing me stuffs and raises it over his head and I tell him what it is. He does this quite often. Loves playing with car lying on the floor. He doesn't play alone much. He likes to involve me or my husband in his activities. Like if we are drawing, he gives me his crayon and asks me to draw by hand leading. His babbling changes once a while. Sometimes mama nana and sometimes papa dada !

He also imitates actions like rubbing Vicks, turning on dishwasher. If he watches me do something for a while then he tries to do it by himself. He loves reading books a lot. Keeps bringing it and makes us read.

He understands lot of my commands like bring me your water cup, close the door, bring me your ball, turn the lights off, eat, come here, bring me your shoes. If I ask him to point a color or an animal on his book, he can do it. He can point to body parts too.

He can do some gestures like clapping, high five, blow a kiss, giving, reaching, he learned to wave bye bye recently but it's more like shaking his entire arm. He communicates with me in a way he knows how to. Like hand leading, eye contact, grunting. When I don't understand him he gets frustrated.

When I'm angry or when I'm crying he comes and makes me kiss him or he kisses me. His gross motor skills and fine motor skills are fairly good. Can climb, kick, eat with spoon, build blocks.

My main concern is he doesn't point at all. If I say, what do you want? Touch and show me. He will touch the object sometimes. Sometimes follows point. Mostly no. No single words yet. Responds to name as long as he's not busy doing something. Sometimes he doesn't care. He likes spinning wheels and playing with cars lying on floor. He sometimes walks on toes but stops when I say no. Loves watching TV but didn't imitate anything from TV. Could he be autistic? I'm so worried. His nursery people are concerned about his language delay but not concerned he's autistic because they feel he doesn't have any autistic traits. They said he's playing beside other kids but he's not interacting with them.

He was born 3 weeks early. Could that be the reason for language delay? Thanks a lot for reading such a long post.

Mohit1234 · 12/09/2023 08:18

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