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5 yr old Impulsive and doesn't listen - help please!

6 replies

Wassailing · 11/06/2019 14:05

My 5 year old DD has always been 'wriggly' - never sits still or relaxes, even when she's asleep she moves around, talks, wakes up a lot etc.

Taking her to baby groups where she was required to listen and take part was always a nightmare - for example at music groups she would always just run around, jump on top of the parachute thing despite being told numerous times not to, couldn't wait her turn etc etc. I had hoped that she would grow out of this and become more able to listen and take part, to comply more and do what everyone else is doing, however she is now at school and still has the same difficulties with listening and doing what she is told. She is about to go into year one and I worry about her behaviour. I don't want her to be told off all the time which is definitely the direction she's going in. I have spoken to her teacher who says that she just cannot physically sit still and doesn't always appear to be listening, however it does seem to go in (her learning is described as 'amazing' by her teacher).

Does anyone have any advice on strategies and techniques we can use to help control her impulsivity and to improve her listening skills? She still has no concept of danger - for example will run into the road without stopping unless someone is holding on to her or her hand (means we can never go out on her bike or scooter, which is really sad), and she will often carry on doing things which are dangerous or naughty despite being told not to several times.

Are there any books or websites that can help?

Sorry this turned into a long post!! Thank you Smile

OP posts:
Wassailing · 11/06/2019 18:04

Hopeful bump! She's come home from school saying she has to stay in at play time tomorrow because she misbehaved Sad

OP posts:
sirfredfredgeorge · 11/06/2019 19:47

I'd say she's too young for you to do anything about the in school behaviour - you're too remote, the school need to manage it - although keeping kids in at playtime doesn't strike me as any sort of good management technique.

But equally I don't know how you might approach the impulsivity outside school either. Does she respond well to anything?

Wassailing · 11/06/2019 19:57

Thanks @sirfredfredgeorge

I agree, keeping a reception aged kid in at break just seems really cruel.

She responds sporadically to reward charts and stickers, but if she really wants to do something she's been told not to she just says she doesn't mind if she doesn't get a sticker. She's never malicious or nasty with it, she's a lovely funny girl, she just can't seem to be able to listen or conform which she obviously needs to do in the wider world. Maybe she is just too young and we are expecting too much of her. It just makes me so sad that she's being punished and told off at the age of 5 for something she seems to not be able to control. We have tried talking to her about it all and we keep reminding her, so I'm hoping that will help her learn to listen. Thing is we've been doing that for a while and it doesn't seem to be working! Sorry, rambling now!

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BabyMommaDec2012 · 11/06/2019 20:36

My boy behaves similarly at school (not too bad/fairly ‘normal’ in the home setting - is aware of road dangers etc). He’s currently being investigated for adhd and ASD. It might be worth talking to your school’s SENCO and seeing where that leads.

Wassailing · 11/06/2019 20:45

Thanks @BabyMommaDec2012

How old is your son? I am wondering if it might be something more. I think a meeting with the school would probably be a good idea. I feel like it has got to a point far beyond where I am happy with it and they haven't said anything, i don't know why they haven't mentioned anything! I got through the whole of school life without having a single detention and it sounds like (from what she tells me) my daughter is being punished an awful lot for her behaviour. It's so difficult when they're still so little to work out if it is developmental. The only thing I can do is compare her to her peers and none of them seem to struggle so much with listening. Another thing she does is say she can't help it and can't stop moving/wrigglig, which also worries me a bit. I think she wants to make the right choices but can't physically do it Sad

OP posts:
BabyMommaDec2012 · 11/06/2019 22:27

My DS is 6 and in yr1. He behaved similarly at nursery and so I was in close communication with his Reception teachers about his behaviour when he started school. I pushed for the help. He’s a tricky case - fairly fine (no trickier than other kids his age) in home settings/plus when out and about but he’s ‘all over the place’ when he was at nursery and now that he’s in school. The diagnosis process has taken a long time but it started with the senco calling in educational psychologists to observe and assess him during Reception and then he was referred to CAHMS for further investigation.

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