Background - DP has 2 DC from a previous marriage. DSS 9 and DSD 7. They are lovely kids and live with us 3 nights a week. DP and I get on fine (mostly) with ExW.
DP and I have lived together for 3 years and we moved to a bigger house 2 years ago so the DSC had a room each, nice garden and in a safe area for playing out, riding bikes etc. DSS has told his Mum and Dad he wants to live with us, but his Mum doesn't want this to happen. DP and I would be more than happy for him to live with us more but ExW has said DP would have to take her to court to get that to happen. She has agreed that DSS can make he own choice when he is 11/12 and DSS knows this.
I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant and both DSC are excited about having a new sibling. DP is a great, hands on Dad. Both DSC love their Dad but DSS especially loves having time with his Dad.
We have 2 linked issues, DSS is unable to entertain himself (without computer games etc which are time limited by us) and he can't let his Dad have time with DSD.
He spends time with them both together, with and without me and tries to spend time individually with each of them too.
DSD is very laid back and can entertain herself for hours, and she did get overlooked for individual time as DSS always pulled his Dads attention away. Watching from the outside it was easier to see this happening. DP talked to DSS about interrupting whenever he spends time with DSD, and DSS did acknowledge that DSD should spend time with her Dad but that he just likes to join in.
The other issue, which we think contributes to interrupting DPs time with DD, is that DSS cannot entertain himself. Hes got lots of toys to play with or activities to do but he wants DP to do them with him.
We got him an Alexa for his room so he can play music while he plays or he can play downstairs where we are but he needs constant attention.
If we send the kids upstairs to play while we do housework, DSS will either be in his room looking lost or in DSDs room, joining in with whatever she is playing with or annoying her.
They don't have to occupy themselves very often (this might be part of the problem) just 30 mins to an hour at a time but DSS just trails round after DP or sits in same room as DP/I telling us he is bored.
We've tried making suggestions of things to do, tried ignoring the "I'm bored", tried getting DSS to do housework if hes not off playing but nothing seems to make a difference.
DP says that DSS has always been like this since he was a baby so we don't think its caused by DP and ExW splitting, me being on the scene or me being pregnant.
He is a bright kid and there is no SN. He's quieter than his sister but we really want to encourage him to feel more independent.
Has anyone got any ideas what we can do to help?