2.5yo Speech/Tantrums/Frustration

[Aerynne]

I don't even know where to start. My LO is 2.5yo and he still can't say any words, like at all - he is very verbal but I cannot understand anything he says because nothing ever sounds remotely like anything. Occasionally I can figure out roughly what he wants such as: he will point to the sink if he wants a drink and the fridge if he wants food.
His hearing is fine and I am waiting to be put forward for Speech Therapy but that could take months. The problem isn't so much that he isn't speaking as I know all children develop at their own pace but it's getting to the point where he is becoming increasingly agitated with almost everything.

I can't potty train him and now he utterly hates his nappy being changed, cries every time.
He whines/sometimes cries when you wipe his face after eating.
He thrashes around and bites down and cries when you try to brush his teeth.
He cries when I leave his food on the side when it's still hot because he doesn't understand it has to cool down.
He won't eat anything except for fruit/yoghurt/potatos/jam sandwiches/certain veg and will cry if you even try to offer him alternatives.
He lays down on the floor when we're out if I try to hold his hand or even if I try to hold the back of his coat/top, so we have to take him everywhere in the buggy which means we cant take both kids out together. He also screams like we're trying to kill him whenever we leave the park/or I pick him up to leave any area where he has been having fun.
He picks up and throws something EVERY time you tell him 'no' to something, no matter what tone you use.
The worst is that my DD who is only 6mo utterly adores him and is always so smiley and happy when she see's him but he always pushes her walker away when shes near or just starts screaming bloody murder (and we have always given them equal attention and always let him be around her/go over to her without making a big fuss).

I am literally losing my mind, I feel so bad for him, he spends almost 80% of his day in a foul mood but I know he is generally such a happy boy.
Sorry for the long post but....help! I just want him to feel more at ease.

Does he understand you? e.g if you ask him to get his shoes would he know what you mean? Does he point to what he wants? Have you been referred to a pediatrician? Have you thought about trying Makaton to communicate?

Some things sound very typical (not liking to have his face wiped, nappy changed or brushing his teeth, I wouldn't expect many toddlers liking that) but a few other things sound a little concerning. You seem to be describing sensitives to certain foods and touch (not liking his hand being held), and rigidity in transitioning (extreme reactions to not wanting to leave the activity that he is having fun in) - these can be concerning.

As the previous poster mentioned, does he understated simple instructions? (so things like; give me the book, sit down, close the door, jacket/shoes off, etc...), does he point to both request (things he wants), and to share excitement (like a plane in the sky)? these are skills that you really want to see from 18M at the latest.

He understands some things but not to a full extent. For example, if I ask him to close the door, he will do it but then he will open it again and clap and then close it and repeat this for a good 10 minutes. He only seems to understand things he can see, like if I bring out the changing mat, he will run away as he knows that it means I'm going to change his nappy. I'm unsure of what he understands and what he is just simply choosing to ignore.

Hes always pointing at things and that's how I can often figure out what he needs but without the speech or even just translatable sounds I can't always help him. Such as if he wants a drink I have to figure out through trial and error whether he wants water/milk/juice etc. or today I spent about 25 minutes (no joke) telling him the bubbles were finished but he just kept pointing at the machine and making sounds expectantly and I just felt awful.

We recently moved and have been waiting for him to be assigned to a new health visitor as the Doc said they can't do the referrals anymore, the health visitor has to do it orsomething to that effect? I don't know anymore.

And I would absolutely love to even be able to communicate using Makaton but he has the attention span of a spoon and I have tested it out with little things such as 'drink' but to no avail. I may give it a go again, I'm desperate.

I know some things are to be expected but I'm just finding difficulty in differentiating between what is normal and what isn't as he just seems to scream/cry hysterically at almost everything.

He doesn't totally hate things like holding my hand as he will do it on his own accord to take me to a particular room in the house, or pull me down to sit on the floor with him when he wants me to.

I have just two things to add- why can you not potty train him? He doesn't need so say he needs the toilet, merely point at his crotch. I successfully potty trained my son at 25m who was completely non verbal at the time, it really helped his confidence and he seemed much happier for it. He just needed loads of praise and he completely cracked it within two weeks.

#2, I go on about this all the time as I didn't know all the symptoms until I had severe issues with my son. Does he sleep well? Does he snore? Does he have sleep apnea? (It can cause increased anger/ frustration, brain cell death etc so they learn slower, speech issues, feeding issues).

He absolutely will flat out refuse to sit on anything you ask him to/put him on or copy anything that you are actively trying to show him.
I have even had trouble getting him to sit in new highchairs/taking him for a haircut/to the dentist as he won't sit on anything new.
I literally don't have a clue where to start as I cannot get him to focus on me for very long at all and he gives off absolutely no signals that he is doing anything in his nappy or that it needs changing.

Also fortunately enough, sleep is the one thing he does without being fussy. He naps at nap time and sleeps at bedtime and gets an appropriate amount of sleep each time for his age.
I used to have massive issues with him sleeping as when I first had him I made the mistake of constantly rocking him to sleep, but I actually managed to get him through that and now he is a dream as far as sleep goes.

Hmmm the new thing does sound worrying. I just did bare bottom (had a couple of days of lots of wee on the floor) and always had the potty available which he decided to use after initially refusing. You could stick your DC2 on it just to show him it's not scary.

Just to say the amount of sleep he has doesn't matter, it's the quality I'm referring to. If he snores or has long gaps between breaths at certain times of the night (depending on what position he is lying in), it can be a sign that he's not getting enough oxygen to his brain.

I may have to give it a try, it didn't even occur to me to let the nappies take a back seat to see if that helps me help him. Thanks!

I wouldn't say I've ever noticed anything like that, he definitely doesn't snore (apart from the past few days as he has a head cold) and his breathing always stays at a pretty steady pace.

'Doc said they can't do the referrals anymore' that doesn't seem right, i think you might need to be insistent with them though.

Thats what I thought but the Doctor I saw (as it was only recently) wasn't actually my doctor, in fact it was an entirely different surgery since my usual one was booked up for the next 3 weeks or something. I think I will just have to wait to see our usual Doctor so I can get a straight answer :|

In my area you self refer to SALT, so they have a drop in speech open play thing for about two hours once a month which you just attend at which point they give you tips and evaluate if it needs looking into further, maybe he meant that? If you are in Scotland you should be able to google speech and language therapy NHS (your area name) to get a phone number to work out how to access help. I guess that might work as a google search for other areas too...

sadly we can't self refer to SALT in our area, even the GP can't refer to SALT as they don't see under 3's.

I agree with previous posters that it would probably be a good idea for a GP/pediatrician to initially see him. From your description he does not seem to show much understanding, and you have not specified if he is pointing to share interests (like a plane in the sky). To put it into context, these milestones are normally expected by 18M. Him taking your hand to pull you around rooms, or force you to sit down could be a form of 'hand leading' which could be a concern if that is the only way he can communicate with you in order to make you go to a specific room or make you sit down. While some hand leading is expected, you would like to see the child use other gestures while making eye contact with you, like for example touching the floor or pointing to the direction of the room he wants you to go towards. What you do not want to see is the child using and manipulating your hand like a 'tool' by placing and turning it in door handles, toys, etc. (without making eye contact)

I think we have the same child. I’ve nothing helpful to add, I’m afraid. But I understand your frustrations. I’m awaiting a SALT assessment (initially went to a drop in and they agreed to referral).

My boy is very similar hes 26 months and only says a few words, he is very verbal constantly babbling. He is on the waiting list for speech and language therapy. He gets very frustrated and whinges as well. He doesnt point. He goes over to what he wants but this does not always tell me what he wants. He whinges when i change his nappy, when i wipe his face, when i brush his teeth. I put that down to he doesnt like it! With everything else I put it down to he can't express what he wants so the only way he can communicate is by whinging.....very frustrating for him and me

Mummybear have you spoke to your GP and HV about a Paediatric referral?

Mummybear I agree with the previous poster, if the only way he can communicate to meet his needs at 26M is by whinging then it would probably be a good idea to also have him checked by a developmental pediatrician about his general development just to make sure he is on track (I recommend you also take the MCHAT questionnaire - you can find it online). A typically developing but speech delayed 26M old (with only a few words) would not affect their ability to communicate effectively to meets their needs and share interests (by an increase use of gestures to compensate).