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Behaviour/development

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How to get 4.5year old to be more confident/alert

5 replies

breathandrelax · 26/05/2019 22:27

Hi. Any advice on how to encourage my daughter to be more confident and assertive in group situations. Things like, not letting others push in front of her in a line or pushing in her turn. Or being confident enough to be the first at things e.g. running for cake or sweets at a party.

It’s so frustrating to see her with friends and in any social situations where she’s just there lagging behind not realising everyone has gone in front of her. Sometimes when her class have been asked to line up, she ends up being the last one at the back simply because she’s not been alert enough to realise everyone is going in front of her. She will happily stand there and let others push in.

I find it very difficult to say anything to her as I don’t want to upset her or make her feel like she’s doing something wrong. But equally it pains me to watch her constantly like this.

She’s otherwise a happy, very smart and well behaved girl. I often get told by other mums and people how mature she is (e.g always the one trying to resolve conflicts between friends like sharing or crying), how kind and caring she is etc etc.

Some advice please. How do I gently nudge her to be more pushy and forceful, and not allow her to constantly lag behind?

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imamearcat · 27/05/2019 08:09

Why does it matter? Maybe she is just patient and polite?🤷‍♀️

corythatwas · 27/05/2019 19:38

Not everybody can be the first in line. Does it matter if it isn't her?

My ds was very much like her.

Now he's a young adult, I can see that he is never going to set the world on fire, he is not going to be running for PM or push ahead in business through his sharp elbows. But the kindness and the caring is still there, he is a good person, he will make a good life for himself, and I am proud of him.

supertruck · 29/05/2019 15:27

My DS is younger at 3 but always last for everything ! Everyone tells me he is so polite, but I think he's just a bit clueless, bless him. Other children always push infront of him and he lets them. Never reacts.

Have you any reason to think her hearing might be an issue ? It's not for my DS, he's had his hearing tested. He takes a bit longer to process things and has a speech delay, so other issues.

breathandrelax · 29/05/2019 15:55

Def no hearing issue. She can hear the words cake and chocolate if they were whispered by an ant. Selective hearing maybe.

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TopsyTurvy0 · 29/05/2019 23:49

My bestfriend growing up had a very different upbringing to me

Her parents are very social, she'd go on hikes with a group of adults, friends would be around the house, grandparents, uncles/aunts. Very very social. She also took part in drama lessons.

My upbringing was very quiet and it was so rare to have people over. I played mostly with myself.

I wasn't a confident child, whereas she was. However now, I am more confident than she.

All I could say is drama class, martial arts classes..things like that

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