Background of trauma & abuse from narc ex, dc age 7 very traumatised and I fought tooth and nail to protect child in family court. And to get the help we need.
I think I'm traumatised by court process, being gaslighted and minimised. The fundamental need to protect your child pulled apart and criticised.
Now dc finally got therapy but Also coincides with contact with dc dad increasing forced by court, i wasn't prepared for the massive regression, the violence and breaking stuff, am covered in bites and bruises, the refusal to go to bed or school, or dress. The return to negotiation and fighting every little thing. I'd worked so hard on this and we had a good life briefly.
After improving and me seeing what life could be like, after living in isolation with no friends , I'm on a wonderful course for my industry meeting like minded people having adult conversations .
Now I'm just not coping with the thought of living like we used to. Not being able to leave the house.
I feel like I don't love my child anymore, court was awful and I had to show I was supportive of dc relationship with dad, but deep down I knew how harmful he is. Not being allowed to protect my child has broken something in me,
I'm so angry at the system.